The latest posts from all humor columns and their contributors. First Lecture | Simon Says
Think something along the lines of “My oven is on!” or “I have a deadline to meet!” hold up your index finger in the air, and abruptly turn around.
Simon says viable New Year’s resolutions for this group are probably simple things you can do in your home without giving up ANY vices.
Umbrella guy controls his own narrative. Whatever secrets lie in wait within his collapsible shield, he’s not telling. His mystique is undeniable.
Look down at your left leg. Do you see some pricklies there? Kick your left leg in the air if you commit to leaving those be, just for a month.
Your dating game plan is dogshit. I haven’t seen an operation this shit-tier since my first job at Southwestern Louisiana A&M Poly Tech State.
While my playlist has exploded, so too have the expectations of my fans. Artistically, I’m under pressure. Personally—I’m in the danger zone.
Simon says please welcome the presidential candidates with any sort of noises you find appropriate—bearing in mind their last performance.
No need for crates or kennels. Your wasp will gather creepy residues from the shadows of your home and construct a lair for itself, all on its own.
While there's lots of bad information out there about voting, you clearly aren't someone to fall for silly distractions. Right?
Your blood boils and your molars grind. Your throat rumbles with a primal growl. Now put those feelings into a five-step plan of action.
Are you sinister enough? Do you relish the insulin whiplash of your grand-twit's metabolism as he devours a Werther’s Originals from your hand?
Simon says stomp your feet like you’re crushing all the couples who won’t invite you to their dinner parties, because they think you'll feel awkward.