The latest posts from all humor columns. Everyday Artists | First Lecture | Simon Says
Every blade of grass has a statue inside it, a David or a Pieta or even a Bacchus, and it is the task of the mower to discover it.
I could easily forgive the pride of a gas or electric griller, if it had not mortified mine own.
Pull taut to create a vibrato of codependence, but not so taut that you further dislodge that which has already been established in the corners.
Consider humming a lullaby as you rock yourself, as your grandmother used to do before her untimely passing. Bah humbug on mortality, I say.
Simon says whatever you do, DO NOT utter a cough, anything that resembles a sneeze, or begin sweating while standing in your boarding group queue.
Instructor Kate knows you won’t make it past two months on this bike, but she also knows you need her positive energy to have any chance at all.
Think something along the lines of “My oven is on!” or “I have a deadline to meet!” hold up your index finger in the air, and abruptly turn around.
Simon says viable New Year’s resolutions for this group are probably simple things you can do in your home without giving up ANY vices.
Umbrella guy controls his own narrative. Whatever secrets lie in wait within his collapsible shield, he’s not telling. His mystique is undeniable.
Look down at your left leg. Do you see some pricklies there? Kick your left leg in the air if you commit to leaving those be, just for a month.
Your dating game plan is dogshit. I haven’t seen an operation this shit-tier since my first job at Southwestern Louisiana A&M Poly Tech State.
While my playlist has exploded, so too have the expectations of my fans. Artistically, I’m under pressure. Personally—I’m in the danger zone.