I don’t know what kind of phone messages y’all get—I mean, how would I?—but this here is one I received from my friend, Ben Ernst, who has provided much inspiration for many of my PIC pieces.

What’s up my young nigga? I’m obviously intoxicated. You could probably assume that ‘cause I’m calling you at three o’clock in the morning. I’m sitting here listening to the Disco Biscuits. I got a fire going. You could see how such a chain of events might occur… and as such I’m gonna quote you a poem that I’m gonna write right now off the top of my nuts. Actually, no, this is coming from a poem that is a very famous poem, per my mind. It goes ‘Nate likes to grate, he likes to hesitate, although he’s never late, he always tempts fate on how cheddar is better, in rain or better weather and you know he’ll never waiver if you ask him for a favor, like pass the provolone or hand my ass the phone…’

You got the large copy, I think, anyway, you should send it to me because I lost it and I forget the rest.

Anyway, I’m hammered son and I thought you’d be awake but knowing you and your promiscuous girlfriend—the type of girl that your mother would send you straight to hell for dating… She likes to fuck here there and everywhere, which is where the Beatles got that one song, ‘here there, taking each day of the year, I’d like to fuck you with my beer over here, stick it in your coolo, everything will be great when we’re late for the party where they're expecting us at seven, but we wont get there ‘till eleven; we’ll probably show up late and then we’ll fuck on the couch and then we’ll move it to the counter, I’ll slide it in between your thighs and then let Ben take it for a ride. Because your good friend Ben will say, “I would like to stick in the pussy for a little bit dog,” and you’ll say, “Ben you’re such a hog” and I’ll say “my friend let's watch some CNN and then I’ll fuck your girl, cuz she’s looking at me like ‘brrr I wanta get some of that,'” and that’s what she will get or something like that. Here there and everywhere…'

Anyway, I’m just sitting in the house… drunk… got a fire going… listening to the Disco Biscuits, and you can see how such a turn of events might occur. So uhh, yeah. Have a good night or morning. Or you know, fuck it. Just have it good.

Whatever the hell it is.