I had a couple of girlfriends who liked to lick the inside of my ear during our naughty times together. While I never asked them to do this, I never complained because it feels amazing. It messes with your equilibrium a little bit and makes your body tingle.

So before partying last night, I made myself a drink called Camelback. I heard of this drink through Tucker Max's website, because I thought he was funny until I realized that if I ever saw him at a party I would probably fight him because he's a giant tool. So I made this drink which consists of Gatorade, Redbull, and I used a fourth a bottle of Everclear to finish it off. I blacked out at some point, but it didn't matter because I had secured a ride home.

In the morning I felt the pleasant sensation of a tongue in my ear. Since I was still completely drunk, I assumed I went home with my girlfriend. I laid there for a minute, just enjoying the licking until it clicked that I don't have a girlfriend right now. I told myself that I must have gone home with a former girlfriend, because some of them were at the party.

The erection I had was at full mass, and I decided that if I was going to have sex again, it was going to be before I sobered up, so I sloppily lifted my hand and reached behind me to feel who was with me. All I could feel was two little ears and a mess of fur.

It was my cat. My erection instantly disappeared, and the most awkward sensation of guilt and sickness fell over my entire body. I'm not leaving my door open anymore when I go to sleep, because this is my cat's third attempt to take advantage of me while I'm drunk.