Pardon the digression…an excellent cab story. And here's how you know it really IS a good story: It's not mine. It comes from a guy named Bernie who was one of the staff writers at the taxi paper where I wrote and sold ads in between shifts.

Just like working girls, taxi drivers happen up on celebrities more frequently than you'd think when Manhattan is your beat. Myself? Over the years, I randomly picked up Willam Dafoe, The Isley Brothers, Spalding Gray, Susan Sarandon, Matt Dillon (three separate times), Henny Youngman, Kaity Tong (three times in three weeks), Peter Yarrow (twice), and several others I don't have the time to recall. Well anyway, my friend Bernie had an especially tender moment with a celebrity one afternoon.

As you can imagine, taking a leak during the shift when you're a New York City cab driver can be a challenge. There's almost no place to relieve one's self discreetly. Hence the holding lots at the airport tend to be sticky to the step from all the piss that has been released over the course of any rainless period. Nasteeee!

A more civilized alternative was the old coffee cup or water bottle. Like how many times have you seen plastic containers half filled with a mysterious yellow liquid rolling around the gutter in New York? Well…to finally get to the point…Bernie was in Midtown Manhattan relieving himself into a coffee cup while parked by the curb…when a woman knocked on his window to see if he was available. Bernie had his coat covering up the proceedings, so it wasn't a totally humiliating moment. But imagine his surprise when my colleague looked up…and directly into the eyes of EDITH BUNKER! Yup! Jean Stapleton was the woman who interrupted Bernie's stream that day!

Segueing to the escort world (for a little context), several of my clients claim to have been with celebrities without realizing who was calling until they walked through the door. My personal favorite anecdote (or two actually) came from a workaholic black girl who toiled alone in a cozy studio apartment on the Upper East Side. One day a guy named Jeff responded to her ad in the Village Voice. She directed him to the corner where he was to call again – which he did – and gave him the address. Three minutes later…in walked JEFF GOLDBLUM (allegedly).

The renowned actor was at the top of his fame at the time as "THE FLY" had been a huge hit just months before. When I told the story to the production girls at the office, they went crazy with jealousy. If only THEY could get paid to fuck Jeff! Their lives would be complete!

The same girl also hooked up with GARY MARSHALL…and earned $2000 to attend a dinner at The Four Seasons during which he pumped her full of questions about the business. A short time later (like maybe a year) PRETTY WOMAN" became the hit of the season. Apparently, Gary was doing a little research to make his film feel authentic as in…he didn't even fuck her!

Reportedly, the GUNS AND ROSES crew are similarly no strangers to the escort scene. A young nubian goddess alleged that she was seeing AXEL ROSE on a regular basis…and the boss at Asian Bunnies (long gone house in Midtown) supposedly entertained SLASH as a paying customer.

The funny part is…neither of the girls who fucked the rockers knew who they were until the stars themselves bragged about their fame. Call me crazy…but what's the point of that? If I were to attain their level of infamy, I'd rather be incognito for once – especially if I were in a ho house! The black girl even said that AXEL cried when after repeatedly asking her how he could NOT know about GUNS AND ROSES, she responded "I don't listen to rock and roll like that." To her, he was just another cracker with a couple of grand in his hand! What are ya gonna do? I guess no matter how famous you get, there's always somebody to let you know you were once a baby who crapped in his diaper!

I could go on and on ad infinitum…as I've heard sooo many of these stories – whether it's cabbies or escorts telling them. But Bernie's reigns supreme because ANYBODY would have made his heart jump given the embarrassing circumstances under which he was approached by a passenger! But Edith Bunker? Hey Bernie! So did you "stifle" when you heard her voice…or did you finish what you were doing and then take her where she was going? That's what I'd like to know!