Lately, I've been taking the restaurant ride. For those of you who don't know what a restaurant ride is, I will tell you. For those of you who do know, watch basketball.

Oh, and quit lying because I just made this up.

You see, a restaurant ride is when a young, single, reasonably-well employed man decides that he is much too lazy to grocery shop and decides to eat out. For weeks at a time.

I haven't gone grocery shopping in two weeks. There is no food in my fridge. I have no paper towels left and I recently cut open my toothpaste tube to better access the remains of my paste.

I just don't feel like going to the grocery store.

And the thing is, this happens to me at least four times a year. And the worst part is, every drive to a restaurant is a reminder of how close my local Publix is (Publix: accept no substitutes). For example, today I ate lunch at Gladstone's chicken, which is about two miles farther than my grocery store. I'm an idiot.

So why do young men get like this?

I have no idea. But I'm willing to take an educated guess. You see, this happens to me all the time.

It's almost like, for whatever reason, the idea of going grocery shopping is just too much of a commitment to spending time in my own home and cooking. Normally, I'm not a lazy person (some senior citizens might even say that I have a lot of spunk), but sometimes I get in these ruts when three feelings meet. It's like “I don't want to go shopping” combines with “I don't want to cook” and meets up with “I'm sick of being in my house” and the collective result is a steak dinner at a bar.

And then breakfast at a diner.

And then lunch at a chicken place.

And then dinner at a pub.

And on and on.

Anyway, since I've been experiencing this phenomenon pretty steadily over the last five years, I thought I'd define it.

Thanks for coming along. I'll pick up the tab, but you got the tip.