“You’re firing me aren’t you?”
“We’re not firing you Roxy…”
“No, no, no, you’re just ‘downsizing my responsibility.' What in world could you possibly mean by that?”
“We are going in a different direction, and it has been decided that we don’t really need your particular talents in the driver’s seat anymore.”
“You want to keep me on board but you want me to accept a pay cut. My ‘responsibilities' have been ‘downsized' because I’m the representation of the embittered, single, and confused. You don’t want me around any more because you’re ‘happy' and ‘hopeful' and ‘lovey-dovey' and can I please throw-up. For the love of everything scientific and real, get your head out of the clouds and into logical thought processes. Jesus isn’t as optimistic as your left elbow for Pete’s sake.”
“We just don’t need a bitter, lonely–”
“Lonely?! Whoa whoa whoa, I was not ‘lonely.' What’s next Roxanne, are you going to make me into a 40-year-old cat lady? You can’t get rid of me that easily; I am you. No matter happy you are or how wonderful life is going, somewhere in the back of your mind I will be waiting for the other shoe to fall. When that shoe falls, I’ll make a come back tour out of the moment I return to the front seat.”
“You still get to write.”
“You can’t buy me over with creative control. I know Libido has been kissing up to your ass. Probably sleeping with the Human Resource department as well.”
“You and I both know that no one is sleeping with the Human Resource department. Besides, Libby sleeping around? I’m sure you thought long and hard on that one.”
“Listen, I’m a little too worried about losing my stance in the ‘company,' you call it, to be concerned over what type and quality of humor you want me to squeeze out my-”
“Don’t even go there, Roxy.”
“–pretty little head. (Really Roxanne, like I would say that. You should know your co-workers better.)”
“Oh don’t talk in your parentheses to me. I created you. I happen to like you, so I’m keeping you. You can either stay with me, write, and accept a smaller amount responsibility, or suffer the same fate as Writer’s A. Block.”
“He was just mockingly fired for comedic effect. You rehired him two days later.”
“Did you ever ask him what happened in that time?”
“I’ll be in your mind, five o’clock sharp, everyday for the rest of my life.”
“Good. See you tomorrow.”
“Bitch.”
“And you love me for it, Sugar.”