Older women rule. There is no better sexual relationship on planet Earth than one between a young man and a (recently divorced) older woman because both people get everything they want: orgasms without the bullshit. (I just realized that “Orgasms without the Bullshit” would look great on a hooker’s business card. Just thought I’d mention it.)

Older women already have money, so they won’t use you for a free meal. They don’t want any strings attached, because they’re realistic about the fact that you’re not gonna marry them and they never want you around when there’s any drama in their lives because you’re just a boy toy to them, not a problem solver or stand up guy.

The only problem is they like to show you off. So, if any of you guys are dating an older MILF or divorcee, I have one piece of advice: when they invite you to a public get together, do not go.

Just trust me on this.

If you do go, you will suffer the wrath of hundreds of jokes that your MILF’s friends think you are too dumb to get (despite the fact that their combined education is usually limited to child rearing and the latest episode of “Desperate Housewives”).

Nevertheless, if you are looking for a no-strings-attached relationship, go with the older woman. She’s better in bed, years of child-rearing and living with a husband have made her the perfect hostess and, most importantly, because of the age difference, there’s hardly ever anything to talk about (I once dated a 36 year old with a 16 year old daughter. Let’s just say, I had more in common with the daughter. Anyway, the daughter is now 21. I ran into her at a pub a few months ago. Man, that was awkward—especially the part where she introduced me to one of her friends as “the guy who used to bang my Mom while I was doing homework”—but I digress).

Anyway, to reiterate, older women rule.