Written to me, by me.

  1. Come up with your New Year's Resolution list sooner. Nobody cares anymore, Paul. How are you gonna keep any of your resolutions if you can't even make the list until the end of January?
  2. Stop taking baths in money. You're not rich, and this wastes a lot of money just to prove a point, and I'm not even sure what the point is, even though I am you and you are me so I should know.
  3. Do cocaine off strippers less. When they realize what you're doing, they usually freak out, spilling the coke all over, and Frankly Paul that's a waste of precious, precious cocaine.
  4. Stop going up to occupied urinals and peeing in them next to the other person when there's no urinals open. This is not socially acceptable. Wait your turn.
  5. Don't mix your alcohol with detergent anymore. You should've learned by now. But you didn't.
  6. Quit trying to get people to vote George W. Bush in for four more years. Familiarize yourself with basic American laws and rules.
  7. Learn to read braille. It could come in handy.

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