Before I earned a job as a university professor, I worked as a poet. Actually, I worked as a bouncer, but I wrote poetry on the side. Actually, I didn't. But sometimes, I would think of words that sounded funny when they rhymed. Like "super pooper scooper." And that, my friends, is poetry.

Every now and then, I'll write a song. I don't sing and don't play an instrument, because I have no musical talents whatsoever. But, here's one of my songs anyway. It's called, "Get me off of this bus." I hope you like it.

Hey driver, hey driver,
Can you speed up time and space?
Can you get me out of this place?
Because, because, be-cu-uz
I really fucking hate being on a bus.
So get me off of this bus, so I can get it on.
With porn on my laptop,
Or maybe with your mom.
Because, because, be-cuh-uz
I really fucking hate being on a bus.
So get me off of this bus, so I can get it on.
Get it on, with a girl or two grr-urls.
Or maybe a good book.

Hey driver, hey driver,
Should I buy a car or invest the money I save on gas? 
Maybe a used sedan or one of those 401Ks?
Get me off of this bus, so I can get it on.
Because, because, be-cu-uz
I really think there should be some kind of reward for riding the bus!
I guess I do a lot of reading, that's a plus.
Even so, even so, even so-oh-ohhh
Get me off of this bus, so I can get it on.
Get it on with some stocks or bonds or other stuff I don't get. 

Hey driver, hey driver,
We're all in a hurry.
But when you take turns like that.
It makes everyone mixed up like a McDonald's Flurry.
And I really don't care to touch any of these people.
Except that cute girl with the purple shirt.
I like her eyes and her boobs.
If she broke my heart, it'd be worth the hurt.
Get me off this bus, so maybe we can get it on.

[spoken] (So bus driver, in your honest opinion, do you think I've got a shot with her?)

Hey driver, hey driver,
I really fucking hate being on a bus.
So get me off of this bus, so I can get it on.
Whether it's skating or ‘bating.
Video games or semi-classy dames.
Because, because, be-cuh-uz
I really fucking hate being on a bus.
So get me off of this bus, so I can get it on.
Get it on, with a girl or two grr-urls.
Or maybe a good book.
Just get me off of this bus, so I can get it onnnnnn!

(There you go, what did you think? Genius, right?) 

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