To the woman I may or may not have groped at Margie’s Tap last night: Can’t you fight your own battles? –Steve

P.S. Tell your “date” he’ll be hearing from my “lawyer.” Sound it out real slow for him.

Hi. I live in the building across from you (Presidential Suites, Tower 1). I see into your window from time to time (don’t worry; not a weirdo or anything) and you look like a really special
person. Someone I could really grow to care about.
BTW: Are you still dating that one guy always in the D.A.R.E. t-shirt (boy, did those go out of style five years ago or what?) or are you single, because you’ve been spending a lot of “alone” time around the apartment?
If you’re single, you should wear those red panties with the green Martians on them tomorrow. If you’re still dating “Rockstar,” go with the black, purple-striped ones.
See you soon,
Kevin (not going to leave a number; I'll just pop by sometime)
P.S. I play the Mandolin.

Hey Nicole Lafrentz, remember when I told you that I wouldn’t fuck you if you were the last girl on Earth? I changed my mind. Freddy (510) 635-74–.