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Friends, no one gets up in the morning on planet Earth searching for Cloud 2. We're all trying to get to Cloud 9. And there's no easy way to get there.
As I look back on freshman year, I can't help but marvel. Here's some knowledge and advice for all you high schoolers getting ready for your first step into adulthood.
Ah, August. The breezes blowing, children playing, freedom from overbearing parents, and the lovely task of commencing awkward roommate conversations.
Drinking is not going to solve your problems. It will only make you feel better about yourself, lessen your frustration, and reduce your anxiety about employers. Hmm...
My boyfriend Otis is basically the perfect boyfriend. Except he refuses to participate in any form of social media, or any type of kissing.
Douchebagism is a cancer that has metastasized throughout the social fabric, infecting the masses with narcissism, and we must seek to classify and destroy it.
It's been another year living with severe arachnophobia. After an in-class incident with a spider, I realized that they are now personally fucking with my education.
The other day I asked my Asian friend if I could be her secret bridesmaid, the same way that a traditionally ethnic ninja would ask a friend to be a secret bridesmaid.
Create a profile for your unborn infant, and get it started networking with other fetuses before it even takes its first breath.
Bro-dom is like the college version of a mid-life crisis, but these guys don't have the money to buy a too-small red convertible or a speed boat decorated with flames.
Your alarm clock went off four hours ago, it's 10:30 in the morning, on a Thursday, and then it hits you: YOU'RE STILL A TEACHER!!!! Fuck, time to get fired.
With the advent of thousands of miraculous new medicines, the danger of immortality is very real and growing faster than ever.