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"Senior": You’re over 70 and must get your pills organized in that little plastic box with the SMTWTFS lids.
Putting yourself into extremely dangerous situations isn't a sin. If you survive, your life is more exciting, but if you die, Jesus will be waiting.
We simply weren’t burning enough calories. That’s why we swapped it out for High Intensity Forever Training (HIFT).
I am the only one with fingers, so I have the job of breaking sticks in two and putting them in a pile. I have also been designated a “performer.”
I arrived home to my apartment, fresh groceries in hand (despite the fact that I am never seen cooking, talking about food, or eating).
Step 21: Start by googling quotes about running, a weird number of which are from the Japanese novelist Haruki Murakami.
Rest assured, I have heard the cries from the people, and I’d like to consider myself extremely in tune with what they want: more centrism.
The Sun Explodes: It’s been on fire for a few centuries now, it is only a matter of time until it explodes like a thing of bug spray in a campfire.
Join us in the kitchen for Kristen’s goodbye pizza! Why is Kristen leaving? Legally I’m not allowed to say, but 100% this was her idea.
Dizzy from the amount of sudden cardio of hiking, wobble, and then get hit in the head with a drone, the impact sending you down a sharp embankment.
"I dropped my Heavy Sleeper XXL Weighted Blanket on my foot & broke several bones." How wonderfully whimsical! We are not responsible for any damage.
We prevailed! We, whose skins are sensitive to the winds that whip through the lobby when goddamn Liam doesn’t shut the door—marched into battle.