As of the last six to eighteen months, Americans love themselves some protein. We here at McBurgerGuys are not sure where this craze came from, but it’s definitely a good thing, and not a result of algorithm-spread body dysmorphia mixed with recession prices turning every meal into a task of pure utility. To satisfy our customer’s cravings and meet their macro goals at the same time, we’re thrilled to announce that our burger patties are now made with proprietary Protein Beef.

With exactly the same great taste as before, our Protein Burgers pack a nutritional punch with 18g of protein per serving, simply from the wholesome goodness of naturally sourced beef. Our old recipe, while delicious, supplied less than 37g of protein per two burgers (which was already more than most of our competitors offer per two burgers*†‡). And now, without sacrificing that classic McBurgerGuys flavor in literally any way, you’ll be getting close to half of your recommended daily value of protein with just one burger. So in conclusion, hamburgers are good for you now! Don’t re-read that paragraph or think more about it at all.

What exactly did we change about our Regular Beef to make it Protein Beef? Well, you can’t argue with the fact that the names are different! And you definitely can’t argue with the fact that the beef we are currently serving at our restaurants has significant amounts of protein. This concludes all the sentences our lawyers have advised us to say about the Protein Beef.

Our Protein Burgers are an unparalleled product in the market (because no one else has had the idea yet to add the word “protein” to a burger), so naturally they will be sold at just a little bit higher of a price. You can rest assured that this little increase in price directly translates to a big increase in quality. Not necessarily the quality of our burgers, but definitely the quality of our TikTok ad campaigns being sent directly to men ages 18-30 and women who have purchased Gymshark leggings but never wear them.

If you’re a real gym bro/broette, maybe just a single Protein Beef patty isn’t enough for you. To bring you even more protein per serving, we’re excited to be partnering up with actor/wrestler/guy-who-definitely-eats-protein Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson to present the “Dwayne’s Double” Protein Burger, a burger with TWO patties that is absolutely bursting at the seams with protein! That’s right, we’re doubling up on the protein goodness, and Dwayne is on record saying that this is the most protein he’s ever seen in a product called the “Dwayne’s Double” Protein Burger.

If that’s still not enough, then fuck it, we’ll just throw a straight scoop of protein powder on top of your double burger and get it to a nice even 50g of protein with a menu item we’re calling the “Dwayne’s Powder Room” Protein Burger. Order it “Keto Style” and we’ll dump a cup of vegetable oil on top of it, which will make it so calorie-dense that you can eat it as your only meal of the day. Or, if you’re bulking, have a few!

Look. Let’s not live in the past. Maybe you remember reading the nutrition facts of our old burgers, and maybe it was similar or perhaps identical to our new burgers. But what matters is the here and now. And right here, right now, you can pay us a few dollars to eat a sandwich that is unequivocally a meal. Even, dare we say, a meal that will keep you full for a pretty long amount of time and will also potentially help you build a bit of muscle. And because your receipt says the word “Protein” on it, you will feel a little better about yourself. Isn’t that what we all really want?

Oh also, our chicken nuggets are called Lean Protein Bites now. They cost $11.99.