As you’ve probably heard, the news regarding climate action has been quite grim lately. Unfortunately, scientists predict that we have reached the tipping point and if drastic measures aren’t taken immediately, the Earth will experience a series of dramatic, irreversible consequences. That is why today I have decided to make a commitment to taking action by publicly announcing my commitment to becoming totally carbon neutral by 2075.

No need to praise me. These steps were long overdue. I’ve been inspired by the commitments made by the world’s biggest companies: Walmart, Amazon, Target, Starbucks, and Coca-Cola and their verbal commitment to sustainability in the next few vicennials.

First, vehicular travel is a huge part of this for me. I’d like to show everyone the picture of the luxury self-driving electric taxi prototype I’m going to ride in when they finally make it. You know, the one with an all-white interior with the seats facing each other? I’m also really excited to start buying from all the companies that committed to stocking their fleets with Tesla’s fully electric semi-trucks whenever those become available after being postponed indefinitely. I’m also committing to buying an electric car as soon as they’re not $19,000 more on average and when my current car finally dies of old age. (Detroit really made those Hummers built to last.)

Another thing I’m doing is sharing other companies’ commitments to promote brand awareness. For example, Coca-Cola, currently the world’s largest plastic polluter, has a lot of photos of fully compostable bottles they’re thinking of switching to meet their environmental goals. So I like to share a lot of those pictures as much as I share the smile Coke gives me.

I’m also beginning to transition into using less single-use plastic. When I go to Target and Starbucks, instead of using the plastic bags, ziplocs, and coffee cups, I buy durable reusable plastic shopping bags, a ton of tupperware, and a reusable plastic coffee cup so that I can get my plastic consumption out of the way upfront, and not keep coming back to it. It’s really great that these companies offer sustainable alternatives.

Food is also another big component. The meat industry puts out roughly 14.5% of the world’s greenhouse gases and takes up land that could be used for carbon-sequestering plants. That’s why I’m committing to quitting one cut of beef every year, half a decade, until I’m completely off cows around 2050. After that, I’ll do the same system with pork. From flank steak to sirloin each year I become a better person. As part of an incentive, the last month before I narrow down my meat selection I’ll throw a massive barbeque and invite all my friends and cook that cut of meat before it’s out of my life forever!

Finally, I’m thinking more about the way our financial systems influence the environment. A lot of these big banks and investment funds use our money to promote fossil fuels and other harmful practices. That’s why I think I’ll start buying mostly cryptocurrencies. No banks needed. All digital. Digital money can’t possibly have an impact on the environment, right? And it’s not really traceable so at least we know it’s not being used for something shady.

In case this inspires anyone else, I’d like to give a little background on my decision to become carbon neutral by 2075. For me personally, turning 50 this year really made me assess where I was at this point in life. I look at my children and think, when they have children, I want them to inherit a planet worth living on. Then I decided to take action. I decided on a date, one that was practical and attainable, and got to work, drafting a lengthy Facebook post about how I was taking action.

I think it’s great that some of our nation’s billionaires are making progress in privatized space travel in an effort to someday colonize Mars. A lot of these projected timelines for Mars colonies seem to coincide with the years many companies aim to become fully carbon neutral. To me, this must mean that the billionaire space colonists want to give us some room on Earth to experience and celebrate the climate they helped us save while they bravely forge new paths on a faraway wasteland.

As we all know, this one’s on us, the individual. We’re lucky to have such great brands to remind us that every person could be doing more in their daily lives to save the planet from the brink of ecological collapse.

Check back in in 2074 to see how I’m doing.


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