During the summer season it is hard not to notice the rise in American girls disappearing in foreign countries when they are on vacation with friends or family. One can only assume that these girls are the victims of kidnappings. Another popular and probably correct assumption people make is that these kidnappings result in the girls being forced into an illegal prostitution ring. Forced against their will to have sex with countless numbers of strangers throughout the tropics.

At times like these someone needs to stand up and ask the important questions. Questions like “Why not me?!”, “Why can’t I be kidnapped and used as a foreign sex slave?!” or “Why can’t I spend the remainder of my suddenly shortened life in a tropical paradise?”

Well reader, I’ll tell you why: It’s because I’m male. Yes, I said it, because I’m male. It seems so unfair that if a woman wants a life of sex all she has to do is become kidnapped by any of dozens of willing perpetrators; but if a male of equal attractiveness wants to become the victim of sexploitation by females… well, he can barely give himself away. There is an unspoken history of sexism in human trafficking—a glass ceiling if you will—and I’m here to blow the lid off it.


“Girl, you don't look so hot. Lemme finish that drink for you…”

I’ve tried countless times to become a victim of one of these tropical kidnappings, going every spring and summer break to foreign locales that are notorious hotspots for these sort of events. I’ve listened to and taken detailed notes on the news reports and know exactly what kinds of actions someone needs to perform to become a prime target. I go to the clubs on the beach alone and stay well past a reasonable hour. I casually mention to my fellow bar mates that I am traveling alone, an orphan without any friends or family who might possibly know where I am. Not only do I always leave my glass abandoned and in plain view, but I also drink from anything I can get my hands on. I take back alleys returning to my hotel (always the path least lit), and whenever given the opportunity I follow suspicious people in hopes of one day entering into the world of tropical environments and endless sexual escapades.

All this to no avail. The closest I have come to being kidnapped by an exotic yet dangerous gang of sex-starved senoritas was having a knife pulled on me by a coked out shemale tranny.

I don’t want you, dear reader, to get the wrong idea and assume that this is simply another example of those crazy third-world fools. This is a problem just as large back here in the States as well. It is extremely difficult, if not impossible, for a man to be kidnapped and forced into wild and erotic heterosexual sex. I can recount hundreds of examples of this sexism even at my own college campus.

One night in attempt to “fall victim” to sexual debauchery, I got very liquored up and stumbled into the lounge of a local sorority in the middle of the night. I even went as far to add to the temptation by making sure to show off some banana hammock. If a female was found drunk and unconscious at the average fraternity she would be woken up by upwards of four males all simultaneously having their way with her. Was I woken to the majestic image of a group of females simply using my body to satisfy the illicit sexual urges that they had pent up? No. No, I was not. I was woken to the shine of a Maglite flashlight as a very angry Officer Sullivan escorted me out of the building. It’s not right… it’s just not right.

So, what do we do in the face of this pandemic that everyone knows exist but no one is talking about? I’ll tell you what we do! We fight back—we write our local congressmen and tell our local media outlets, and we let them all know about the bias that exists in the underground forced prostitution rings. Shout it from the rooftops that we simply won’t stand for this injustice any longer. The time has come to take a stand, my friends. Let history show that we were the generation that didn’t simply stand by while countless women got kidnapped and forced into a life of sexual deviancy! We are the generation that insists that all people may be kidnapped and entered into prostitution, REGARDLESS OF GENDER!

I realized that if I want to have sex with endless women at the beach, I can’t just sit back idly and wait to be kidnapped by a beautiful lady. I have to be proactive! The system that I have so long fought against has actually been the easiest answer all along. You know what they say: “If you can’t beat them, join them.”

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