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Be Seated: Why I Don't Pee Standing Up
Be Seated
>>> Casual
Misanthropy
By staff writer JD Rebello
July 24, 2005
|
Can I tell you a secret? Ok. Don’t laugh. I like to think of myself as a guy’s guy. I like sports, beer, Madden, jerking off, and farting for sport. But I
think every guy, as hard as we try, has some effeminate qualities. It’s true. Even me. Seriously, I’ll even give you some white space to let that sink
in....
What are some of my effeminate qualities? Glad you asked. Well, I’ve seen “Love, Actually” close to 50 times, I bawled like
a baby during the finale of Dawson’s Creek Season 1 (when Joey and her dad were talking at the prison), I actually enjoyed the Liz Phair era, and yes, I consider
Brad Pitt to be my favorite actor. Whew. Glad I got that off my chest. Still, there is one last quirk I possess of which I’m not particularly proud:
I pee sitting down.
Now...
You may be thinking, what a tool! And if not, thanks, but don’t patronize me. I don’t pee standing up. Believe me, I’ve tried. It’s just one of
those things like calculus and flip cup, that I just can’t do. And here’s why:
1. Ever seen Shaq trying to make free throws? That’s me peeing standing up. When I’m done, I mean, the seat is soaked. And I’ve tried, but
unfortunately there’s no shooting range for me to practice, except for maybe those ashtrays at movie theaters. Now you’d be surprised, but that gets frowned
upon.
2. Ever try to pee with wood? Yeah, that’s fun. It’s like trying to hit a knuckleball with a fish.
3. Maybe I’m just lazy. I just like sitting down. Standing seems like something only undesirable minorities should have to do. (And by undesirable
minorities, I mean everyone, because that’s the only way this great land of ours can change. I’m JD Rebello and I approve this parenthetical.) I sit on the
subway, and if some old lady with one leg and a bag of her own urine wants to sit, I laugh and laugh and stretch out while she cries and mumbles something like
“Say a prayer for the youth of
America.”
4. Sometimes, when peeing, that other bodily function kicks in. I’m just saying, it never hurt to be pre-emptive. Thanks for me
teaching me values, President Bush.
5. I suck at the drip-dry. I don’t know what it is, but whenever I use a urinal, I seemingly exude every drip out of my piece, and as soon as I pull my pants
off, a freakin’ yellow Mississippi goes rolling down my leg. Yeah that’s fun. "Sorry, sweetheart, date’s over. Why? Look at my pants!!!"
6. Personally, I think it makes me endearing. Girls are always bitching how they want guys to be more understanding. Well, what’s more understanding than
peeing sitting down? It’s either this or I start wearing your underwear. Your call.
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26 Comments
I'd totally go for the underwear... FAG.. HAHAHAHA
why dont you just tell the truth, and reveal to everyone you have an inverted penis which makes it impossible for you to urinate while standing up.....and to have sexual relations
Wait are you saying you use toilet paper to wipe off?
HAHAHAHA oh man you might as well go get that vaginoplasty, you're halfway there.
I wipe standing up! Not sure how that relates but I just needed to get it off my chest.
Have any of you ever cleaned a toilet after a man who pissed standing up used it? Yea, go do that once and then come back here and make fun of Justin.
bella23; are you european?
Wow...
what a faggot. Only a little boy with a micro penis could fit it between his legs to sit down and urinate. Apparently you dont get out much, because there is no way you can sit down in any bars bathroom. Its official you have a wide gaping vagina, now go finger yourself you homo
There are few more comfortable seats than the crapper. I'm with you, man. Standing up's great for those nasty-ass public shitters, but if it's your own throne, hell I say use it.
I sit down to piss too. Only at home or at a friend's house though.
Who cares if it's the faggy thing to do. No one's around to watch ... I hope.
Now the real problem for me is: when pissing outdoors, how do you direct the splashes of urine away from your shoes? Am I lacking in technique? Or is this a problem for everyone else too?
I take it no one else realized that Justin Rebello actually got away with writing a column about how he pisses. How in the hell is that possible? I guess this is what happens when you are the best writer on PIC; you are allowed to take breaks.
You rule.
Where is the Canadian? Did Justin have him fired? And why don't you get your articles in on time?
They say that a man who pees sitting down is more liberal. They also say that he's open to try new things. ;) ;) ;)
So he's got several possibilities here. Either he's kinky, attentive, or just plain freaky when the lights go out.
xoxoxoxo
Amy
Thank you for relaying to us unsuspecting females the complications of the Male Piss. Ps., I like how you compare peeing to throwing a basketball, and your penis to Shaq. spectacular.
Laughing, you pee sitting down? WTF? Didn't your dad show you how to piss like a man? Personally, you can pee however you like, but don't tell, because we don't really care. And, oh...I would like to see the reaction of the (about to be boned) girl laying naked on the bed, and her seeing you sit down to pee(relieving beer). And yes, if you have a hard-on, your dick's skin isn't suppose to have wrinkles. ;-) Grow up, grab your dick, and stand up for a good piss!
I guess it would be hard to piss standing up with your wrists all limp and stuff...Of course, if you can't put a little stream of piss into a gaping hole like a toilet, how do you eat? That takes far more hand/eye coordination...And any chick that thinks that it's "cute" for you to sit and pee HAS to be fat. You sir, are a pussy. Good day...I SAID GOOD DAY SIR!
Actually its quiet normal in europe.
German male are actually encouraged to do this for hygein reasons. Also studies have shown that male who pee sitting down have a lower blood pressure then those who do it standing up. -_- I am quiet open to this idea, and wouldnt mind trying it out. unlike some posters here, Justin and many of us are not homophobes who are insecure about they masculinity.
Well, after reading the rest of the reader reviews I have to give you some credit for actually admitting you piss like my mother, grandmother, sister, and girlfriend. Apparently in this completely liberated society we live in this type of behavior is ok and valid. I really dont believe that you cant hit the toilet, that is unless your cock is microscopic and cant get the tweezers around the shaft to aim. Unless you are pissing in the dark it is incredibly simple to get it in the rather large ring. Even if it is dark you can use your auditory sense to hear if your piss is making it in the toilet. What is that terrible film Jack Nicholson pees sitting down? I do believe he does that because of his controlling wife---I cant wait to hear your stories after you get married---Pussywhipped at its Finest by Justin Rebello
its not funny but its a good article and thanks telling us
Hey girls, think of it this way...I am willing to bet a lot of cash that this guy never leaves the fuckin' toilet seat up. I have NEVER had to nag to my boyfriend about putting the rim down...
haha...amen brother...amen
That's pretty interesting actually, especially if you're being completely honest... whatever floats your boat.
my husband pees sitting down. It is awesome. Every woman I know complains about the piss their man sprays all over the bathroom.. not me :) No accidentally sitting down in the middle of the night in a dark bathroom on a toilet with the seat up and getting a wet cold bum either
I piss sitting down too. I can standing up but I usually dont.
I'm glad you do. You'll make a woman really happy one day, if you haven't already.
Sure. It's not the most 'manly' way to do things, but fuck society.
Besides, sitting in the bathroom is a good place to think.