Are You There God? It's Me, Andrei

Dear God,

I understand that you're busy and all, but I just thought you should know that this "plan" of yours pretty much blows! I've heard that you have some grand scheme in mind that us puny little humans don't see and could never comprehend, but here's the thing, I'm on to your little bullshit. I think you're really an indecisive asshole who can't commit to a single thing, so you just keep changing your mind about what you want.

Hey, I get it, I'm a perfectionist too, but your ADHD is really fucking shit up around here and a lot of us are getting tired of it! Get some "YOU damn" meds and leave stuff alone already! You just killed about 200,000 people because you wanted the Caribbean 0.8 inches east of where it! Oh and what's more, smart guy, last time I checked, the most widely practiced religion in Haiti is Christianity. Remember, that one is predominantly centered around you (big surprise) and your alleged son.

Godsmack Voodoo album cover
It isn't instructions!
Now I can kind of understand that you have major issues with having a kid AND STILL being a virgin, but you don't need to be a jerk about it. I'm pretty sure THAT wasn't the Happy New Year the Haitians were all looking forward to, and they probably thought Haiti was fine right where it used to be. It's like you're up there with a giant laser level or something, measuring things and saying, "Nope, not right yet! Just 20 millimeters to the east and it'll be perfect!"

In case you forgot, let me refresh your ancient ass memory about a similar snafu. Remember five years ago when it was, "I think India and Indonesia should be six centimeters closer!" That little brain child of yours caused a tsunami that killed 230,000 people—and the day after your son's birthday, for crying out loud! I think you have a serious problem and it's time you own up to it. Maybe your deal is that you get SO shitfaced on various holidays that you wake up in a party-induced coma and like any sloppy drunk, you start messing things up. Remember Samoa last year, the day after Yom Kippur? "Jesus Christ, now THAT was a Yom Kippur! Too bad, son, you couldn't be there! WAIT?! Is that where I put Samoa? Hiccup! Let's move those bad boys a few millimeters this way...oh whoops, sorry Samoa, my bad! Hiccup!"

Samoa Simply Timeless
Simply timeless, because all the watches got wet.
Look God, if you need help then there are some twelve-step programs I'm sure you could complete rather quickly, but if you're just being an indecisive drunk asshole, then knock it off. Down here we're all pretty cool with the positioning of the continents—what we aren't cool with is being treated like your personal little Sim Planet. Oh and don't think you're fooling anyone with this plate tectonics horse shit either, because I think that's just an excuse to move stuff around when you go on one of your benders. Remember the dinosaurs and all the plate shifting you did with them, you fucking charlatan? Yeah, you wrote them out of "the book" but we still found them anyway. Nice job on THAT cover-up, asshole!

Now let's talk about cancer, because the way I see it, cancer is based on the same indecisive bullshit that your plate tectonics crap is based on. Look, I'm grateful and all that I am two feet taller than Napoleon was, but I'm pretty sure all the people dying of cancer wouldn't have minded being shorter and NOT had their DNA slowly mutated over time. Now it is kind of unclear in the dogma whether or not you are "for" evolution, but honestly I think that's another convenient cover-up so you can play around with our genetic code after a night of debauchery.

I have some confusing shit in my body to prove you are all FOR evolution regardless of what your brain washed minions think. What the fuck is my appendix all about anyway, if we can just remove it without a problem? Clearly this is either something that once had a function or WILL have a function 10 million years or so from now. Whatever it's for, I'm fine with just not having it, kind of like how people are fine with just not having cancer, you dick! See a pattern developing here, genius? Leave us the hell alone instead of messing everything up!

Jesus on a poster for CreationismI'm on to you and you simply aren't selling me on this Creation vs. Evolution dichotomy crap. If I'm not an evolved human being, then why the hell do I have the urge to devour an entire gazelle after several hours of sex? Clearly that is something primal left over in the genetic code. However, due to the absence of gazelle in my area, likely because of some plate tectonic shenanigans, I'm also pretty satisfied with just having a sandwich instead. See how evolved I am?

Religious wars are another thing I want to talk to you about. Religious wars have got to end now, and don't pull that "free will" horse shit with me either this time. I know you've noticed what your infinite fucking absence of presence is causing. I heard the smoking twin towers could be seen from space so surely you saw that transpire up on your cloud or wherever your lazy ass hangs out. We're all down here basically killing ourselves over different ideas about who you are, who your bastard child was or wasn't, or whatever the hell else you want from us. I mean for fuck's sake God, even the Whos in Whoville gave a shout out to prove their measly microscopic existence. So how about a fucking "YOP" or something to stop a significant amount of unnecessary bloodshed, or is that too much to ask of the big man in the sky?!

The Bible II
Now everyone will finally know the one true word.
You know what the real problem is with all these religious wars though? This "book" of yours that everyone goes on about, like it was written by your hand itself and not by a bunch of stoned hippies living in several different centuries. You need to get on board with the rewrite craze that is going on down here. I have watched the same fucking idea made into ten different movies and you can't even pen a few updates for us?! We have jackasses down here still trying to fit camels through the heads of a needle for crying out loud! There are people who still aren't eating pork, thousands of years after some sneaky politician thought it was smart to write it into your book, because there was some bad swine that year. Look around you man, some dickhead remade the Transformers which was way more sacred to me than you'll ever be. The least you could do is publish a sequel for some of the mindless idiots down here. I'll even do you a solid and provide the title for you, "The Bible 2: This Time, It's Fucking Relevant!"

Anyway, I think I've pretty much made my point, but since I know you have the attention span of a crack whore, let me sum it up for you. As far as this plan of yours goes, here's my idea: How about you get a new fucking plan, you know, one that doesn't include earthquakes, tsunamis, cancer, pandemics, religious wars, and pointless death! Just a simple thought from little me, to almighty you.

Oh and here's another thought for you to ponder: I'm totally going to kick your ass if I ever get to meet you, but it's cool, because I know you will forgive me for it regardless. Unless of course you're as full of shit as I think you are, but then I don't really want to be a part of YOUR heaven anyway. From the way your little "plan" has been working out down here on Earth, Heaven is probably just like a bad office job. A bad office job with an indecisive, micromanaging, jackass for a boss who keeps fucking up the project after changing his mind YET again. Besides, at least Hell is where all the bad girls go and if I have to see everyone wearing one thing for all eternity, I would much rather it be sexy black leather than oversized sterile white bathrobes.

Sincerely, you can suck it!
Andrei Trostel

More from PIC:

Natalie Denver's picture

Hahaha. Great article.

"...I'm also pretty satisfied with just having a sandwich instead. See how evolved I am?"

Nice :p

Andrei Trostel's picture

Thanks Natalie,
I can honestly say that if you didn't laugh at my remark about Haiti being 0.8 inches further to the East, then I may have never written it. Oh and if anyone finds this article really offensive...blame Natalie.


Gavin Pitt's picture

Hannibal Lecter: "...Evil's just destructive? Well then *storms* are evil by your definition, and then there's fire and hail. If he's up there he hands out both the good and the bad, Clarice, the beautiful and the awful... typhoid and swans both come from the same place."

Neat article!

Andrei Trostel's picture

Thanks Gavin,
Actually, typhoid was mainly Mary's fault wasn't it?


you will never know... until you get There...

Andrei Trostel's picture

...and wherever you go...there you are...and wherever you are...there you know?

"Anyway, I think I've pretty much made my point, but since I know you have the attention span of a crack whore, let me sum it up for you. As far as this plan of yours goes, here's my idea: How about you get a new fucking plan, you know, one that doesn't include earthquakes, tsunamis, cancer, pandemics, religious wars, and pointless death! Just a simple thought from little me, to almighty you."

...This things are just only little.. there is more.. more pain than this... pains that will make us (sinners) suffer for eternity.

just try to put your hand in fire. you can't hold it for two seconds... how much more, if it takes eternity?

Well, if I'm not getting this wrong, soul hasn't got any pain receptors - the body does. So the eternal damnation isn't that bad; the body is dead and burried and your sould doesn't feel a thing. Except you became a zombie, but then your brain is dead and you still don't feel a thing. Hm, it's a win-win deal!
And plus, how does this hell thing works - every religion you don't believe in lends your soul for a week to torture it? They should write book or a guide of some sort on this topic.

Andrei Trostel's picture

I know this much, if there are zombies, then stay the hell away from Home Depot!

Frenchie's picture

Bahahaha.. any article that references God as a crack whore makes the A list in my books!! Great job..

You should read God is Not Great: how religion poisons everything, by Christopher Hitchens

Andrei Trostel's picture

Thanks, I'll be sure to check that book out.
Oh and hey Frenchie, I always thought that guardian angel, God sent to you, was kind of a dick. For what it's worth, if being a beautician is what makes you happy then I say go for it.

You are one dick head

Andrei Trostel's picture

Hey man, my body count is lower than God's, so if I am "one" dick head, just how many dick heads does that make him?

Natalie Denver's picture

Hahaha, PWNED.

I heard you but, I simply opposed.

simply opposed? so you are for hunger, war, disease, and death?
watch someone you love die of cancer and then think god is merciful!
I enjoyed this article. Nice to know someone thinks the same about the lies!

1st of all please forgive my English im not good in this language.(not my natural language)

Im not for hunger, war, disease and death. Im not even the one who said he prefer to be in hell rather than in heaven. Because he prefer black sexy leather rather than white bathrobs.. Im thankfull none of my love one has cancer, but if your point is the pain or suffering experience. Let me tell you something.

Back when i was a 10 yrs old kid, I had this bike accident together with my little sister (shes 7 or 6 back then). We’ve been hit by a raging 10 wheeler truck carrying full load of cement. (Investigation said the said truck jam its breaks causing to lose control.) As the result we both went under the truck. Both of my left arm & legs went straight to the wheels (the 4 wheels in the left back side of the truck.) acting like humps in the road. I dint feel any pain right then cause I actually see my younger sister head being crushed by the wheels in the right back side of the truck. (If that not enough shock for you, imagine all gross things spread in the road together with my blood.) All people around were seems to be frozen, because of what they saw, and the location of our incident is right in front of our local church. . I went 50-50 in the hospital but survive.

Right now I’m very well fine, literally like a normal person. (Playing all sort of sports even basketball etc..)

So please don’t judge me like i dint know a thing about the PAINS in this world. You just need to overcome it. Dont let your eyes that see hate, conquer you.

Remember that with HIM, pain does not equate to suffering
Death is not the End.

God Bless! =)

Andrei Trostel's picture

Have you actually ever heard HIM? That shit is the very definition of pain and suffering! A bunch of whiny ass emo drivel if you ask me.


Natalie Denver's picture

Lmao, I was thinking the same thing Andrei!

no offense. that is sad about your sister. but it kind of proves the point. no god that is merciful would make anyone go through that. i understand that you have to believe otherwise your sisters death is senseless. you are forced to believe death is not the end so that your sister can live on. people believe in god because they can't deal with senseless death. but the thinking is circular. if there was a god these kids wouldn't die. if god is there and he still lets kids die senselessly then he is not merciful but mean. it can't go both ways. he can't be good and kill for no reason. there is no good reason to kill kids who have done no sin. more likely there just is no god and it is all lies to help people still living.

Pardon my English again for you already know the reason.

Yes indeed that part of my experience is a real sad tragic. I cant blame you for own opinion for I was like you once upon a time.

Senseless death you said. I wonder how can I tell to somebody that with GOD its possible to overcome PAIN and suffering if not experience 1st hand. I wonder why the merciful God let his son died in front of SENSELESS people.. It is for us to see that there is HOPE.

You already said that it can go “BOTH WAYS”, meaning there are TWO paths to choose. Yes this is our FREEWILL take part. (Which based on this article is a Horse Shit) Its to HOPE or to HATE. In that of accident mine it is very easy to see a meaningless tragic death of my sister but failed to see the miraculous way of how I survived, or how come my body recovers like nothing happened.

To HOPE or to HATE its your choice No One Can Forced You. But what would you gain in HATE and what would you lose in HOPE?

For me I surely know that a person with hatred will soon be corrupt of himself, will soon create conflict, will soon create pain, will soon create suffering, will soon create another hatred to another people.

Name it from Religious War to Government Conflict, and I know what you think how about natural disaster?

Like Haiti and etc… How many times Japan was hit by an Earth quake even Philippines was hit by an earth quake more than a magnitude of 7. But its never been like Haiti wonder why? (I know you the answer) And what makes it worst is not the calamity but by the people living there. Haitians kill each other instead of helping one another. You might say that is it because they are a poor country so I tell you this.
Philippines is a 3rd world country that is famous for its corrupt government and typhoon disaster. But look what they did when they are hit with the storm name Ondoy.

I think I already made my point.

Good Day and God Bless! =)

So you say the Haitians died because they were bad people, and now they turned to good? But god created everything, including people in Haiti. They are all the way god created them, aren't they? He could have made them originally good, and then there would have been no need for this whole disaster. And do you think that whoever died there, deserved it? Even the children? And all the animals? Most human beings wouldn't kill this cruelly. I wouldn't, even though I'm not their creator, I never said I loved them, and I don't have a painless way to do it. A caring god could just snap his fingers to make all the bad people's hearts stop, no suffering, no innocent lives, no ruining the land. And still he doesn't. I can think of only two reasons: 1. he is not like they say he is 2. he doesn't exist.

But the basic flaw in your reasoning is that you say the pain and suffering is necessary because it makes people better. As human nature is, it's true, but what kind of god would make it his goal? He could have made us become better from pleasure. Or make us already better at the start, with no need for changing at all.

And by the way, why do you write god with a capital g? It's not his name, it's his occupation.

Im very sorry if you misunderstood my point I should have made it clearer. As I said Philippines and Japan are also Hit by an earth quake more than 7.0 magnitude but its never been like HAITI. Why because they Structural Safety Standards are Corrupt (Google if you want). Only a corrupt government would let that kind of Safety Standards just to gain and sacrifice the safety of people.

And just for clarification I would NEVER EVER said Haitians people are bad or something for I have NO RIGHTS to do so. Judging people is only a God job, no one else.

God will never snap his finger just to stop the heart of a bad person. For just like you said he created us ALL that’s why he love us all, but NOT our BAD ACTION. He always gives us a chance to change. Until his proper time hold on to Him. Time will come no suffering, no innocent lives, no ruining the land. Just like He promise in his proper time.

Pain make us better if we choose to, its clear to me that you agreed on that. The reason is obvious, he want us to choose him freely, based on our decisions. Not by snap of His finger, not by Might, not by Power but by the Spirit of Love.

The capital letter for G for God or H for Him or He, is my own simple way of expressing my bow down respect for Him.

Good Day and God Bless! =)

"In that of accident mine it is very easy to see a meaningless tragic death of my sister but failed to see the miraculous way of how I survived, or how come my body recovers like nothing happened."

forgive me I mean no offense, just making a point. it seems that this way of thinking is selfish. as long as you survive it is hope but it is not hope for those who did not survive. yes you see the glass half full but only because you survive. there was still senseless death, just not yours.

I summarize your point correct me if I’m wrong.
“It is SELFISH to HOPE to those who LIVE because there is NO HOPE to those who DIE.”

Have you been in the after life and came back to say there is NO HOPE.
We all humans don’t know, so why declare?
But I know someone who named Jesus who already conquer death and said “There is HOPE for those who have FAITH in me.”

DEATH is DEATH no matter how it comes, we are all fated to face this. What will a person do before his DEATH is what will define whether it is meaningful or senseless.

HOPE is not case to case basis, it’s for every one. You just have to choose it.

No I not saying don't hope, I saying your sisters death is still senseless death. your argument sounds like the ends justifies the means and that is dangerous thinking. you also don't know Jesus or that he conquer death anymore than anyone knows after death. I am not saying I know after death but neither does anyone else. I just saying that if god is mercilful he would stop all the senseless death of his children. only sick people kill children and even more sick person kills his own children and then justify it with hope. god is either not there or he is there and is sick and responsible for much death.

Yes why is it that so many people justify people's death with their continued existence? Good for you, you survived, but that doesn't mean that the person who died is all excited to be dead. They missed out on life and that sucks for them.

You write God with a capital g because when you are referring to the Christian god of Abraham, the supposed one and only creator of the universe, the word god becomes a proper noun and thus must be capitalized.

Andrei Trostel's picture

I found this particularly interesting. Apparently both are correct. You can use a lower case g or and upper case G depending on your reference. God can be a proper name, but it is akin to naming your cat, "Cat" which honestly is kind of odd if you think about it. If you really want to use a name for god you should probably be using Yahweh or Jehovah. However, since this is uncommonly used people have just named the entity "God" making the capitalization also grammatically correct, but still just as weird as having a cat named "Cat".


"The Fear of the LORD is the beginning of Wisdom"
try to have fear. if you are fun of reading book, then have time reading the new testament. if you can't understand it. ask God heartily to help you understand, because there are some who read and did not understand, yet they act as if they know which made them think they are proud of something they learned of only little knowledge that's in their mind.
Don't think we are wise, unless we fear HIM.
We can't all understand the wisdom of God. because we are human and he is DIVINE.

there is a thing He wants us to do. that is simply to accept Him as our God. if we can't then its our choice. but if we do, its still our choice. Let's just have a little faith.

Andrei Trostel's picture

God is HIM, God is DIVINE...seriously, you all need to get together and decide which tool in makeup this God of yours actually is.

Gavin Pitt's picture

Andrei- indeed. Fundawhacko Americans have an odd (by which I mean "completely fucked up and totally misinterpreting the whole thing") relationship with Christianity. And don't even get me started on the disparity between the Old Testastament ("Raaaaage! Jealousy! Floods! Plagues! I hate you all!") and New Testament ("You are all my special little flowers") God; ehe's totally Bipolar. It's almost like the Bible was written by hundreds of different people over different, intervening centuries!

Fear is very far from wisdom. Acting out of fear is totally different than acting out of wisdom.

And why does god want us to be afraid of him? He loves us, right? I would never want my loved ones to be afraid of me. I would want them to love me, and respect me. Love is earned by being kind and caring (which he isn't), respect is earned by being just (which he isn't, either). I mean, puny humans have done much more to make me feel good, and they take more responsibility for their actions, than god. God made people and the world the way it is, yet he takes no responsibility, just punishing and killing his creatures for not being the way he wants them because he fucked them up in the first place.

Be your own gods, people! Nobody has bigger influence on your life than you. Nobody is always there, but you. Make your own rules, follow nobody, believe only in yourself. Be your own gods, people, be your own gods.

By the way, I'm not sure about the details, I've never read the bible (once I tried though, but those stupid family trees page after page just turned me off), but did Mariah gave god her consent before the impregnation? Because, you see, she's already been having a relationship with Joseph, right? So, what a dirty slut does that? Was she really the best mother he could find? I'm sure I would have left her if I was Joseph.

And if it happened without her consent, well, that's RAPE, right? God's a rapist. What a scumbag. He rapes other guys' wives. "You shall not commit adultery"? "You shall not covet your neighbor's wife"?

God's the biggest hypocrite.

God's a rapist. What a scumbag. He rapes other guys' wives. "You shall not commit adultery"? "You shall not covet your neighbor's wife"?

lol so wrong and funny at the same time. Interesting point though.

"once I tried though, but those stupid family trees page after page just turned me off"

Have you continued reading? if not, then why accusing God of such things when in fact you didn't know the whole story?

I have a question.. Is it true that there are two natures of human? the good and evil?

Andrei Trostel's picture

Interesting that you didn't answer pöcs question leading me to believe you omitted the answer for a reason. Either you haven't read it yourself or you are obscuring the actual answer. You see, I've read the Bible at least three times, mostly because the thing is so fucking convoluted that in order to make any sense of anything, you have to read it a bunch of times or you end up just following it like a blind dumb sheep.

There are conflicting stories with just about everything in the Bible, because it was written and re-written by countless people over several generations. There is actually very little that people agree upon when it comes to details and one of the biggest reasons is that the first gospel was written about 35 years after Jesus died! I mean imagine witnessing something and then penning the details of it 35 years later...then translating it through different people and languages and then asking for exact facts. This is precisely why taking the Bible literally is so ridiculous and ignorant.
People seem to agree that Jesus was 33 when he died.
Gospels from the Bible were written:
Mark: c. 68–73
Matthew: c. 70–100
Luke: c. 80–100
John: c 90-100

However, that said pöcs, Luke and Matthew have different stories but both agree that Mary was "espoused" to Joseph when she was "found" or "great" with child. According to Luke, Mary was a little confused about the whole thing but generally acquiesced by saying, "be it unto me according to thy word."...of course that was after an Angel told her she would be "overshadowed by the power of the highest"...No, not the Dubai Cock Tower but apparently God.

Although, I always thought being "overshadowed" sounded a little less than gentle and loving. ;-P
Bottom line here though, She was engaged by everyone's account, so still a DICK MOVE in my book. ;-)
Hey, I have a question? Who the fuck is named, Mark, Matthew, Luke, and John in Judea? <-Basically, I am just saying, think a little, people, before taking things at face value. ;-)

Fascinating! This whole idea of god being a rapist I never thought of before. Why out of all the people he could have picked did he pick some other guys girl? It wasn't like there weren't single girls he could have chosen instead. I guess bros before hoes isn't an issue to god. Doesn't that kind of make him a douche bag who knocked up someone else's girl?

Andrei Trostel's picture

Yes, indeed it does, but God was a "douche bag" long before he "overshadowed" (coughrapedcough) Mary with the "power of the highest" cock. (again not the Dubai Cock Tower) Just ask the dinosaurs what a douche bag he is. Oh wait, you can't.

Andrei Trostel's picture

You know, I wrote this letter to God, because I think he is being a total dick and needs a new plan. I do appreciate all the responses though from people who claim to "know" Jesus. Can one of you forward this letter to him please, since you "know" him so well? Maybe your bud Mr. Jessybits can forward it on to his alleged dad? Also, ask Mr. Christ to get in touch with me, because I have a few things to say to that guy as well. I never made any claims, in my letter, as to the actual existence of God, although I suppose it was implied with the XTC video. Since you brought it up though, I will go on record and say that I also don't think God is there at all. However, I am big enough to admit, I really have no way of knowing that, unless he actually answers me, which we all know he won't. Until then, I am going to just assume that I am equally as right as you think that you are. I am actually pretty cool with people using religion as a way of dealing with stuff they can't accept, like the death of a loved one, because I think the basic moral message of hope and positivity is alright. It is when you all start taking garbled scripture, from 2000 years ago, literally, that I have a big problem with. I mean we don't even do things the same way we did 50 years ago, so where the hell do you get off preaching dogma from 2000 years ago? Also, have none of you ever played the game telephone before? If you can't get a single sentence to travel across the room, how can you be SO CERTAIN of anything from 2000 years ago that has passed through countless people and translations? I DO appreciate there being very little traffic on Sunday mornings though. It makes it easier to get things done while you all are on your knees mentally sucking God off in church. However, I am NOT cool with people using religion as a way to justify hurting others. From my experience, it is usually the people who claim to be "Good Christians" or "Good Religious People" who seem to be the ones creating the most hurt, pain and intolerance in the world. To you "Good Religious People" who are fucking things up for other innocent people, because of your massive ego and sense of entitlement, you can go straight to Hell. The bullshit that you guys are doing, in the name of God, is way worse than anything I have ever done or ever will do. So if there actually is a God, I'll either see you in Hell, or I will be laughing at you, all the way to the pearly gates, where I will still be giving God a piece of my mind for being such an asshole.


Andrei Trostel, gee, somehow I believe you are talking about the God of this world (and rightfully cursing his devious ways). In essence, I was brought into your world to personally experience how spiteful is your God. Well, my God is not of this world...

You have the right to air your grievances. Sadly, your God laughs at you. Come on, would you like my loving God to be your God instead? Don't shy away but instead let us know who you would like to serve. Be a man: Only schoolboys cry over an undone homework! My friendly advice is to submit yourself for legitimate adoption to Him, and everything will just be fine in the future.

I could not believe how awesome it is to be a potential candidate for adoption until I realized it from an open book. Sooner, everything will not just be only fine, but wonderful, magnificent, awe-inspiring, marvelous, fantastic and utterly magical for me. Sad to say, not even the best tragic literary masterpiece of Andrei can ever close the hope I cling upon.

Andrei Trostel's picture

Don't take this the wrong way dude, but I am pretty sure your God is laughing at you too. Besides, I told you guys, I don't really like the music of HIM, so I certainly don't want to be legitimately adopted by HIM, but good luck with that. As far as tragic literary masterpieces of Andrei go, this isn't even my best. Don't shy away but instead keep reading and good luck with that New Rotary Engine Julius.

lol the comment sections crack me up on this site.
New Rotary Engine Julius? I'm afraid I don't get that one though.

Andrei Trostel's picture

Julius Siador, the guy who apparently has been adopted by HIM, the whiny goth love song singer in makeup, apparently is working on a new rotary engine, according to his website. It wasn't really a joke, I was just letting Julius know that I paid him the courtesy of at least reading his stuff, in return for reading mine. That is all.
See? You all think I am a total dick, but God is the real dick in all of this. I am actually a nice guy. ;-)

Mike Lamb's picture

I'm trying to figure out if his god is closer to Space Lord by Monster Magnet or Jesus Built My Hotrod by Ministry.

Andrei Trostel's picture

Since there is obviously a love affair involved there, especially with cars, I'm going with Jesus Built My Hotrod by Ministry.

Not for nothing Mike, but has anyone ever told you that you kind of resemble Dave Wyndorf, in a good way?

This past September, my mother, my best friend, died suddenly of a heart attack at only 45 years old. What did my Christian family say? "It was God's will, he needed her to be someone's guardian angel." My uncle, a preacher who was officiating the services, AT THE FUNERAL tried to tell us that if we ever wanted to see her again, we had to devote our lives to the Lord. I told him that I wasn't exactly on speaking terms with his "God" right now because he had just taken the most important thing from my life, without even giving me a chance to say goodbye.

I just don't get it! How can they just say, "it was God's will." It makes me so damn furious! What possible reason could he have had? Really? Ugh!

Andrei Trostel's picture

My heartfelt condolences on your loss. I can only imagine what you must be going through and feeling right now. If nothing else, in a very real way, your mother lives on in the memories of those who love her. As her daughter, you carry her strength, wisdom & beauty with you, wherever you go, and no one can ever take that away from you. Here's hoping that each day gets a little easier to manage and trust me when I say that no matter where your life takes you, there will always be a part of her within you.

No problem sweetie... You'll go to hell... I promess...
And if you still want to kick my ass... Just come and try...

God ( David Santamaria )
61, rue rouget de l'isle
37000 Tours - france

Andrei Trostel's picture

You'll forgive me if I question your authenticity. (Unless you are full of shit with all that forgiveness stuff)
I just kind of have this feeling that God would know how to spell promise. Call it a hunch.

Perhaps when Andrei (Russian commie?) rises above the level of swine his core concerns will be worth addressing.

Andrei Trostel's picture

And yet your comment is addressing them.

Andrei Trostel's picture

UPDATE: In yet another post holiday bender, this time Presidents Day, God has decided that he still doesn't like the positioning of New Zealand resulting in a 6.3-magnitude earthquake. The quake struck Christchurch New Zealand killing at least 65 people and completely destroying the 19th century cathedral tower.

And you people think I have a twisted sense of humor?!

Yes, God works in mysterious ways...if mysterious means "dickish" that is!

Missy300's picture

Special rend is my special friend.

Andrei Trostel's picture

Missy, is that like the retarded version of the subspace tear?

Brian Jones's picture

your will be destory by powre of allmite god
shuld hav reed bibel noob

Andrei Trostel's picture

HAHA! Nice!

Yeah, some of the comments aren't much better than a modern day intro to Zero Wing.


Brian Jones's picture

Heh, not my most sophisticated instance of satire, but probably the most accurate.
There's certainly something mesmerising about watching badly-translated Japanese cutscenes.

Andrei Trostel's picture

Most accurate and one of the funniest.
I actually LOL'd and not in a bullshit trite way.

Missy300's picture

If we both end up there (I hope not) I'll bring my black leather catsuit and motley crue cd you can bring the alcohol and we can, you know ;) HAHA just kidding. You wouldn't have a chance in-- oh, bloody hell, what where we talking about?

Andrei Trostel's picture

I don't know Missy, my mind wandered at black leather catsuit.


hey andrea i have a copy of that book GOD IS NOT GREAT, if you havent found a copy and want to read it i can send it to you, my mother actually gave it to me and i read it in about 5 or 6 weeks each nite just before bed like a nice little bed time story. lots of very good info. the author of this book is currently dying of cancer im not sure if he is recovering or not for all i know he may have already died. Great article btw even though i do not consider myself an atheist i think i may lean towards agnostic but i have enough proof to know that this dude named jesus is a completely made up character and i cant give much creedence to his existence now or back in AD 1 or 3 or whatever they say he was born on. google the history of the name of jesus and how it came to be, it's all based around pagan numerology and magikal numbers, doesnt sound very "christian" if you ask me, but the truth is irrefutable.

Andrei Trostel's picture


While I have every intention of reading that book, (I swear Frenchie, it's on my list but my list is quite long) I cannot in good conscious let you mail something to me that I could pick up myself for much less than the cost of the shipping. However, believe me when I say the offer is greatly appreciated.

Also, I checked and Christopher Hitchens hasn't passed away yet, but things likely don't look too good with esophageal cancer, which usually has a fairly poor prognosis. I think it is safe to say that all of those cigarettes he is known for loving weren't worth it, because that is one hell of a way to go.

Andrei Trostel's picture

UPDATE: In yet another post holiday bender, this time Ash Wednesday, God decided to make a real ash of himself and move Japan 2.4 meters (7 ft 10 in) toward the east, causing an 8.9-magnitude earthquake and a huge fuck off tsunami. Is anyone else starting to see a pattern here?

I think there is one big flaw with your letter to God. God is not a puppet master controlling everything that happens here on earth. God created the earth and then put us on it, he then gave us free will. Our greatest gift from god is our free will. So you can say "Why God?" when something bad happens, but God has nothing to do with it. Usually these things are the result of other people using their free will in a way that is not good.
There is enough food on earth for all people to be fed, but we as humans, don't distribute it properly. So when you ask how god can let an orphanage full of children somewhere in the world be blown up. Obviously it's a tragedy. But you have to remember that god didn't send a missile or bomb or whatever at the building. It was another person using their free will.
Yes natural disasters are not caused by human free will, but that's just nature, the way our world works. Every tragedy is not god's fault. Would you rather that you sat on earth like a puppet with god controlling your every decision? I don't think so.

Andrei Trostel's picture

Haha! I love the matter of fact nature of your comment.
Yeah sure, like you actually know.

I guess that means everyone can stop praying then, because if what you are saying is true (which it must be since you said it with such confidence) then praying for stuff is really doing fuck all for anyone.

Here's a thought, if God created everything and then is just sitting back watching people kill each other and also watching nature wipe out huge amounts of people...doesn't that make him kind of a sadist dickhead?

Thanks for your comment though Catholic.


Oh, Andrei... Don't be too poor of not knowing that with all these pressures in this transient life come individuals made into jewels of different classes, some are even as diamonds, the hardest and loveliest of them all. Peace ;)

BTW, don't listen to all denominational Christians. All of them are leaven bread.

Andrei Trostel's picture

Julius, if there is one thing your comments have taught me it is that there are totally diamonds in this world and Lucy is in the sky with them.


Oh, I noticed you ridicule the enigmatic role of the appendix, Andrei. How dare you ignored the most advanced science, dear friend. You are just misinformed! Appendix most of the time prevent colon cancer. Hmmm, you toy with cutting it off? ;)

Anyway, if you don't believe how Eve came into being, better question what happened you evolved having useless nipples :D Better cut them of rather than your appendix. Ouch!

BTW, God is in control of everything.

Better watch out and prepare. Better gifts are often given much later ;)

Andrei Trostel's picture

Julius, as usual you are talking in circles. If there was no cancer then there would be no need for an appendix that "most of the time" might prevent colon cancer. I think I'll take the complete lack of cancer over the odds of "most of the time" with the added possibility of appendicitis.

Here's a question, if God made us in his image, why the fuck does HE have nipples then?!

If God is actually in control of everything, it's a good thing I wrote him this letter telling him to knock all this horseshit off.

I better watch out and prepare?! His drunk ass better watch out and prepare, because I am totally going to kick his ass when I meet him, for all this crap going on!

Better gifts? What, like fruitcake or something?!
I mean so far he's given us earthquakes, tsunamis, cancer, pandemics, religious wars, and pointless death! Fruitcake is technically better than all that...though not by much.


Oh, Poor Andrei... You make fun of yourself. The image of God is light. Can't you understand those renowned physicists, and take no heed of what Einstein was expounding so much? Any matter is just a condensed light, nothing extraordinary or exotic than plain light. Therefore, God is in control of everything (so as to make you a bit handsome than others :D ). You can't even kick your own buttocks that hard, then you fancy kicking any spirit you love to mock around? ;) That's pretty nonsense. Better abide the golden rule: Do not act in a way you get an unwanted but equivalent reaction. Peace :)

Gordon Dryfus's picture

Wow, I love how intricate a lie to yourself can become.

What if god is evil and he placed everything in your life to tell you that's he is what you believe he is (I assume you're cool with referring to god as male)?

Andrei Trostel's picture

Actually Weijore raises a fascinating point here.

What if god IS evil?

From a statistical standpoint, far more death and evil has occurred in the world in the name of God than has ever occurred in the name of Satan. I mean, honestly I don't believe in either one, but for argument sake, let's say they both actually exist. How many people have died with God being the impetus? Many millions?! How many have died with Satan being the impetus in comparison? Sure, you might get the occasional crazy Satan worshiper who does a human sacrifice, but compared to the sacrifices committed in the name of God over the years, it's actually quite minuscule.

So many people have claimed that God created us and the world and just set it in motion and doesn't interfere. However, what if while he is not interfering, along comes the REAL evil who DOES want to interfere, causing war in his name all the while convincing you that he is the good one? He demands regular worship (every Sunday for example) and personal "material" sacrifice (tithing for example) with the added message of proselytizing and eradication of other competing religions. Temples, Churches & Mosques are all built for his "glory" while he does absolutely nothing to stop all the fighting and death in his name.

Does that sound like the expectations or actions of a rational and benevolent being?!
Doesn't that sound MORE like something that a TRUE EVIL would attempt, while the good one expects people to know the difference between right and wrong and just not participate in all the death, judgment and destruction of each other over something as silly as an idea without any concrete proof?

What if you all are actually falling for it and in the end will be judged for your blind participation in the True Evil force on this planet?

Something to think about for sure.


Andrei Trostel's picture

By the way, I'd just like to point out the irony that the above comment's last three digits are 666.



Andrei Trostel's picture

Julius, I certainly do make fun of myself on a regular basis, because I am not such an ego maniac that I can't laugh at myself. If God can't see that what I'm doing is adding more laughter to the world instead of pain and suffering then he is certainly very dense indeed.

I can assure you that I can kick my own ass pretty hard.
I'm actually quite flexible.

Again with the circle talk. If God doesn't follow the golden rule then he could hardly fault others for not following it without being a total hypocritical turd. He's actually getting off pretty easy with a simple ass kicking from me, compared to some of the trauma he's responsible for in the world.


You argue that God is the impetus of all the deaths of people fighting over him. How is that in any way God's fault? That sounds to me like a bunch of people being idiots and killing each other, even it is for God. They use their free will to do what they want. God didn't cause that.

Andrei Trostel's picture

First of all, did that video make you denounce Catholicism since you are no longer signing your comments as Catholic? :P

Second, given your completely hands off scenario then it isn't his fault directly, but rather it is the fault of all the people misinterpreting the Bible/Torah/Quran or the teachings of their Church/Temple/Mosque in his name. That said, then you must conversely maintain that everything good isn't God's doing either and there is absolutely no point in praying to him regularly. I still say under your hands off observational scenario, it kind of makes him a sadist dickhead watching this all go down in his name and doing absolutely nothing about it. His inaction kind of makes it hypocritical for him to then later pass judgment on anyone else.

First of all no i didn't do that intentionally, forgot to fill out the name box. My apologies if my primary concern is not the name i'm going under on this blog.

And no God is not a "Sadist dickhead" because he doesn't interfere with everything going on in this world. God does answer prayers but the world is not perfect and not all prayers are answered. Usually angels are in charge of that stuff anyway if you want to get technical. God works in mysterious ways to say the least.

And I realize that video is supposed to be satire but I'm sick of that whole stereotype that every priest is a pedophile just because a fraction of one percent have gravely sinned by using their power to molest others, especially children.

Andrei Trostel's picture

Wait wait wait, now you are admitting that God DOES interfere with some things and answers prayers, because earlier you said "God has nothing to do with it".

You can't have it both ways, either he has the ability to interfere or he doesn't. He either answers prayers or he doesn't.

If he HAS the ability to interfere when the lives of 200,000 people (like in the case of the Indonesian tsunami, or the Haitian earthquake) are on the line and he doesn't then he absolutely IS a sadist dickhead!

If he DOES have the ability to answer prayers (like when 200,000 people scream, "OH GOD, PLEASE HELP US!") and he doesn't, then he absolutely IS an asshole.

You keep speaking with this matter of fact nature to your comments, but yet are talking yourself in contradicting circles. Give me a fucking break with this, "if you want to get technical" horseshit. Again, like you even have the faintest clue about what the actual reality of it all is.

"Usually angels are in charge of that stuff anyway"
HAHA! Maybe you can provide a spreadsheet of the job descriptions or something so we know who to blame for all the death and destruction going on in the name of religion that ISN'T being stopped or interfered with then. What the fuck are all these angels doing then since they aren't doing squat to stop any of this stuff either?

You know why you keep hearing about priests molesting little boys? Because for AGES the Catholic church denied it was occurring when they knew damn well that it was. The Catholic church has always been corrupt and shady, which is precisely why you will keep hearing about it over and over again. If you question for a second how shady they are why don't you give them a call and ask to read the other gospels or have full access to the Vatican archives. You can't! You know why? Because if they gave the public access to ALL the information associated with their religion they know damn well that their religion (and thus their control over people) would come crumbling down around them like a house of cards.

Awww the poor little priests being associated with child molesters...Boo-fucking-hoo. Maybe if the Catholic church cared more about completely denouncing the behavior and bringing those priests to justice instead of hiding it and covering it up, the world might have a different view of priests and the Catholic church in general. Let's be absolutely clear about this...your church PROTECTED the child molesters instead of the children.

How hard do you think those kids were praying to God (or the angels if you want to get technical) while their priest was raping and molesting them?

Yeah, do me a favor and sign your name "Catholic" from now on, because not only is it important for the ease of communication, but it also lets people know exactly what kind of horseshit to expect from you.

Now go say a shit ton of Hail Marys and an ass load of Our Fathers for siding with an organization that protects child molesters and getting annoyed it keeps getting brought up when it is still occurring. Somewhere right now a little boy is desperately praying while being raped and receiving NO ANSWER...and you are sick of hearing about it.

Shame on you.

Mike Lamb's picture

I believe in a god, but he's like the space version of Jeff Bridges in The Big Lebowski. And all this arguing his giving him a headache. Imagine being psychic with 6 billion people trying to talk you. You know what I'd do? Get drunk and go bowling.

Andrei Trostel's picture

So you are saying that God is just an indecisive drunk asshole who doesn't really care about the consequences of his actions or inactions? Huh interesting...wait, where have I heard that before? Oh right...this article.


God has the ability to interfere with what ever he wants. He chooses not to in most cases. Would you rather that every time you decided to do something that would harm another some invisible hand of god would reach out and stop you??? It's called free will. God answers prayers

Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. (Verse 3)
Blessed are the meek: for they shall possess the land. (Verse 4)
Blessed are they who mourn: for they shall be comforted. (Verse 5)
Blessed are they that hunger and thirst after justice: for they shall have their fill. (Verse 6)
Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy. (Verse 7)
Blessed are the clean of heart: for they shall see God. (Verse 8)
Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God. (Verse 9)
Blessed are they that suffer persecution for justice' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. (Verse 10)

People suffer on earth, but are re-payed one million fold in heaven. Suffering is a part of life. Some people suffer more than others. But when you get to heaven all suffering ends and you live in paradise for eternity. So maybe some suffering on earth is worth it.

Getting back to the molestation thing. I'm not going to fight for what the catholic church did, because it's true they covered it up. It was wrong to do so. Does that mean that all people in the church are bad? The church is not God. God didn't cover it up. Bad people did. I can't speak for everyone in the Catholic Church. But a miniscule percentage of priests molested anyone,

Andrei Trostel's picture

And we are back to my original point.
If God can interfere with what ever he wants, and chooses not to, then he is just being a dick and letting all these people die/suffer for senseless reasons.

Actually YES, if every time you decided to do something that would harm another person it was automatically stopped, you know what you would have? Peace! Why the fuck, as a good Catholic would you want the freedom to harm another person without being automatically stopped?! It isn't a matter of free will, that's a throw away statement to make you feel better about the lack of involvement from your God.

People don't have free will at all and especially not under the confines of religious doctrine. You can't just do whatever the hell you want without consequences in society, be it religious or otherwise.

Free will is defined as the ability to make choices free from constraints or moral accountability.

Do you as a Catholic (or even as just a person in society) have the freedom to do anything you want free from constraints or moral accountability? No, of course not! I mean think about it, that is exactly what the whole basis of religion is about. Moral accountability! Religious institutions like to straight up tell you that you have free will, when in fact you have LESS of it while following their religious doctrine, in order for them to manipulate you better and get more out of you. It isn't rocket science you know. The people who have the least amount of free will and the MOST amount of "perceived" moral accountability are the religious people.

What you are really pointing out, with all your Bible verses, is that you "believe" (because be honest, there is no way of knowing and it's actually designed that way so you will blindly follow it) that God answers all your prayers, AFTER you die. Your ultimate reward for your blind obedience comes after the fact and you only have sacrifice and suffering before the fact. If that doesn't sound like a corrupt political mind-fuck in order to make you a puppet who doesn't think for themselves, then I don't know what does!

As far as the molestation thing goes, NO, of course that doesn't mean all people in the church are bad, nor did it ever mean that all priests molest kids. HOWEVER, it DOES mean that all people who choose to be associated with the Catholic church are aware of the Catholic church's removal of the priest's moral culpability for their actions. By them covering up the incidences, they demonstrated as an organization (which is greater than an individual priest or minuscule percentage of priests) a complete deviation from their OWN teachings, tainting all of Catholicism. The idea of Mea culpa from the prayer of confession of sinfulness was completely ignored when it applied to those in power, thereby again demonstrating the utter corrupt nature of the organization as a whole.

God is not the church, but as you said, he "chose" to not interfere, I guess so he could grant that free will you cherish so much, to those priests, in order to fuck those little boys. I wonder if those little alter boys felt their suffering on earth was worth it, especially when their church completely turned its back on them as an entire organization. I wonder if those little boys felt like they had free will while their priest was raping them? You know, because God grants us fee will by not interfering with such matters.

You owe me some more Hail Marys and Our Fathers now, Catholic, for defending the lack of involvement of God when his own little innocent lambs were being raped by evil...evil that your church supported and protected.

Shame on you again.

No, God is not a dick, suffering is a part of life. You that big of a pussy that you expect everything to be perfect all the time? Yes, some people suffer more than others. Life isn't fair. We spend an average of 72 years on this earth taking life's ups and downs. Then get an eternity in paradise.Yes, some lives have more ups, others have more downs. People have to make decisions for themselves, not be controlled by God. If you are suggesting that life would somehow be better if we were all puppets ... well then I don't know what to say to that.

Also, if you're saying that the Catholic Church having morals is a bad thing... I don't know what to say to that either. Is the church enforcing anything on me? No, I can have pre-maritial sex if I want. Church won't do anything about it. The Church is just saying what God himself wants. Whether you're part of the church or not everyone is being held to the same standard in god's eyes. So I don't know where you're going with the whole "You have less free will by being catholic" thing.

The church makes no gain by me being apart of it. Priests and all the higher ups like the bishops don't live in luxury. They take a vow of poverty. The church uses it's money to keep itself running and the rest is used for charity. So I don't see where you're going with that "political mind fuck" thing either.

And your saying because there are bad people within the church I should leave? The US Government used to support slavery and segregation. There's still bad things going on in it today, people abusing their power and abusing others. But that's a fucking great idea. We should all leave America because some of the people running it are bad.

And enough with this " You owe me some more Hail Marys" crap. I'm fifteen navigating my way through highschool and I don't need you giving me shit for defending what I believe. But, of course, I forgot your in college and you know everything plus you're going to "Kick God's ass". That statements pretty ridiculous when you think about itl

Andrei Trostel's picture

So God made life suffering and not fair? Yeah, seems like a dick move to me.

I didn't say totally controlled by God like a puppet, just not able to do wrong. Why are you so hell bent on having the freedom to do wrong, unless you really want to do some shit? Seems telling. Bad Catholic!

Is the church enforcing anything on you? Well yeah, unless you don't follow what they teach you and are just picking and choosing what suits your "want to get away with shit" lifestyle. But then what the hell is the point of even going if you are just going to make up your own rules and let God sort it out in the end. What a fucking waste of your time then!

"The church uses it's money to keep itself running and the rest is used for charity."
Seriously?! Come on man, you said you were fifteen, but I don't remember anyone being THAT naive when they were fifteen.

Yes're fifteen. Get out! Ass rape!
If the US Government hid the fact that its politicians were raping little boys, I think I would leave if I was fifteen. Shit man, you can come back when you are older. God will understand. Unless he's a dick! What do you have to lose...other than your ass virginity?!

Enough with the Hail Marys and Our Fathers? What kind of a Catholic are you? Repent for your lack of sympathy for poor little raped alter boys! If you can't deal with saying Hail Marys and Our Fathers then you really should leave the church. With you wanting to get away with some shit, that is pretty much all you will hear for the rest of your life.
And what do you mean what you believe...I thought you were so sure before. Now it is just a belief?

I never claimed to NOT be ridiculous...I'm a humor columnist...what did you expect exactly?

Fine, I guess I have to explain basic Catholic doctrine to you. The Church is just saying what God wants. God says "follow these rules". God knows we're human and we're going to fail. But we can ask for forgiveness. I don't "pick and choose", I just fail to follow the rules all the time. But if i want to be forgiven, then God, who loves us, will forgive me. I don't get where i said I was trying to get away with shit. That was hypothetical if you couldn't tell.

If you could explain your comment about how naive i am that would be great. Since you have some conspiracy theory that the church is funding some evil project with the tithe money.

And no I won't get out of the Church because a few kids out of one billion catholics were raped. Once again it's an awful thing that they did, just as bad that it was covered up. But you still didn't address the fact that something like the US Government isn't perfect either (And I'm just using an example, I love the good ol' US of A)

And the reason I say enough with the Hail Marys is because I'm not going to take some sarcastic shit from someone like you on the internet. If a priest tells me to do it for penance I'll do it. But you, you don't tell me what to do.

Andrei Trostel's picture

Yeah, that's an awfully convenient (and delusional) formula to be able to do whatever you want and then just say, "Sorry God" and feel good about yourself. The question remains, why wouldn't you want the inability to do harm to anyone? The only logical answer is so that you can. I don't want to harm anyone, so I could care less if I have the freedom to do so or not. I have no need for the freedom to hurt others, because hurting others is wrong. The only people who crave that freedom are the ones who want the option. So ask yourself, Catholic, why do you want that option? If you could have the option of never failing, when it came to NOT hurting others, why wouldn't you absolutely jump at that idea of a peaceful existence with others? I guess you just want the option of hurting people. Bad Catholic!

Haha conspiracy theory...try straight up history. The Catholic Church has a LONG history of well documented corruption. Including but not limited to:

1. The Vatican's treaty with Mussolini and the Fascist Party in Italy whereby the Vatican would get its own land and country from Italy. In exchange, the Vatican would support the Fascists publicly and privately.

2. The Vatican's agreement with Hitler in the 1930s whereby the Vatican would pressure Catholics in Germany to not oppose Hitler. In return, the Nazis gave money to the Vatican in the form of a church tax levied on German Catholics.

3. The Vatican covering up for some of its officials who took part in the Holocaust.

4. The Vatican helping Nazi scientists escape to the US at the end of WWII. In return, the Allies kept secret knowledge about the Vatican's complicity in the Holocaust and private arrangements with the Axis powers.

5. The Vatican aligning itself with the Mafia after WWII to help secure inroads into foreign governments, and get good deals on investments world-wide.

These things aren't conspiracy theory but just well document events that you just choose to ignore.

The Holy See (the universal government of the Catholic Church) maintains formal diplomatic relations with 176 nations that are members of the United Nations.
It is actively involved in countless organizations to further its message of intolerance of OTHER NON CATHOLIC religions or ideas.

The Holy See is involved in the politics of the; United Nations (UN), Organization of American States (OAS) in Washington, African Union (AU), World Tourist Organization (WToO), World Trade Organization (WTO), World Health Organization (WHO), World Food Program (WFP), United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO), United Nations Environment Program (UNEP), United Nations International Drug Control Program (UNDCP), United Nations Center for Human Settlements (UNCHS), Latin Union (LU), International Organization for Migration (IOM), International Labor Organization (ILO), International Fund for Agricultural Development (IFAD), and the United Nations Food and Agriculture Organization (FAO). The World Meteorological Organization in Geneva (WMO), United Nations Committee of Peaceful Use of Outer Space (UNCOPUOS), International Strategy for Disaster Reduction (ISDR), International Maritime Organization (IMO), African Asian Legal Consultative Committee (AALCC) and the International Civil Aviation Organization (ICAO). The Organization for the Prohibition of Chemical Weapons (OPCW), Organization for Security and Cooperation in Europe (OSCE), International Telecommunication Satellite Organization (ITSO), World Intellectual Property Organization (WIPO), International Institute for the Unification of Private Law (UNIDROIT), United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees (UNHCR), United Nations Conference on Trade and Development (UNCTAD), International Grains Council (IGC), International Committee for Military Medicine (ICMM), International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA), and the Preparatory Commission for the Comprehensive Nuclear Test Ban Treaty Organization (CTBTO). In addition, Vatican City State is a member of the International Telecommunication Union (ITU) and the Universal Postal Union (UPU).

The political dealings of the church isn't some weird conspiracy theory nor is the long standing history of corruption. The covering up of pedophilia in order to protect their image isn't the first and only corrupt and shady dealings, nor will it be the last.

To ignore the Catholic Church as a political organization without influence is not only ignoring the entire history of the church (in addition to it's present dealings) but it is tantamount to putting your fingers in your ears, closing your eyes and shouting, "La la la la la la God is great, la la la la The church is good, la la la la la la la Reality doesn't matter, la la la la la!"

Does that mean EVERYONE who is Catholic is bad? OF COURSE NOT, any more than it makes ALL Americans bad for the shit our country has done, but don't be naive about it and claim that it just "uses it's money to keep itself running and the rest is used for charity." That's just fucking ridiculous. Your tithe doesn't JUST go to pay the meager salary of a non-raping priest and to feed a kid in Africa, but rather funds and supports the message of intolerance of others around the world through its politics and also pays for the protection of raping priests. You just chose what you focus on, because you are a sheep who can't think for himself and needs someone else to tell you what to do, so you don't have to. "Everything is o.k. because God made it that way...I'm good because I belong to THIS church and not THAT church. How far should I bend over, Father, to do god's will?"

Should you leave the Church because it isn't perfect? NO, I was kidding about leaving because of ass rape...this is a comedy website after all. However, don't kid yourself that God is great for letting us have the free will to kill each other in his name. Or that the church is puppies and roses wrapped up in butterflies. That just makes you look like an idiot. Know what you are claiming to be a part of and teach others reality and not some fantasy your priest has shoved up your ass for you to vomit back out later. Your church causes pain to others as much as it preaches goodness.

So I guess the question is, do you want to honor your god through your own actions (separate from the church) because let's face it, you said it yourself, he'll forgive you for not "being" Catholic or going to church if he ISN'T a dick as you are so sure he isn't. OR do you want to associate yourself with a corrupt organization that supports child rapists and has a long history of death and pain (in addition to its history of good)? The end result is the same, but ask yourself, why do you need the church? To tell you what to do or HOW to worship, or how far to bend over? Just think for yourself instead, but STILL be a good person with good morals and distance yourself from the pain and death of a political organization. Doesn't THAT seem more in line of being a good person? Or are you afraid that god is such an ego maniac dickhead that you have to support all that crap in order for him to be happy.

Why the fuck would any of that please him if he isn't a total dickhead?

Oh and what is your problem with me telling you to say Hail Marys or Our Fathers? They are just prayers. You don't like to pray? Bad Catholic! People pray all the time. People ask each other to pray for something all the time. I'm telling you to pray for YOURSELF, because you are all kinds of wrapped up in the support of child molestation, corruption and intolerance. If a priest tells you to do it for penance you'll do it, but if I tell you to, you won't? Maybe you should just do it for yourself, because you support child ass rape. You can stand up to me, but you can't stand up for moral goodness and poor little raped boys?

Shame on you again, Catholic!
Now go say your Hail Marys and Our Fathers while you think about each rosary bead being a raped child that your organization didn't standing up for.

Oh and yes the above comment was from me so you don't flip a bitch about the fact that i forgot to leave a name.

Andrei Trostel's picture

It's not just for me and the readers, but for you. You don't really want to be associated with "Anonymous" or lumped in with a bunch of wackos spouting hate and intolerance do you?

Oh wait...never mind.