U.S. Begins Hunt for Twin Towers Following bin Laden Death

WASHINGTON—Moments after announcing that American soldiers had killed Osama bin Laden, President Barack Obama vowed to begin the search for the missing Twin Towers of the World Trade Center.

Twin Towers of the World Trade Center
Above: An artist's rendering of the future Twin Towers in the same place they used to be.
"Today, the American people can finally take comfort in the fact that justice has been served for the organizer of the September 11th plot. Our work, however, is just beginning. We turn our focus now to the search for the New York City buildings which were so tragically and abruptly taken from us," said Obama, speaking in a televised statement from the White House. "The Twin Towers did not simply vanish into thin air. They have been stolen and hidden away by al-Qaida in an attempt to undermine our national security, organizational skills, and vertical office space."

A top military official, speaking on condition of anonymity, said theories on the disappearance of the Twin Towers range from the possibility that underground al-Qaida members sank them into their lair through two giant trap doors, to the more likely scenario that bin Laden's sons employed Romulan cloaking devices to whisk them away in broad daylight. The official also added that there is a slim chance New York City firefighters simply misplaced the towers during an evacuation drill, though he would not elaborate, given the potential embarassment to city and federal government.

Jubilant but sometimes tearful faces could be seen all over New York City early Monday morning following the president's announcement.

"Now that we've got the bad guy, it's time to take back the jewels," said Travis Renfro, 28, who could be seen parading around Times Square with a sign that read, "WE'RE COMING FOR THE TOWERS NOW" in blood red fingerpaint. "I just hope it doesn't take another ten years to find them, because they might've already built a bunch of new ones by then. It'd be a shame not to have any room left for them."

Most revelers agreed that videos depicting the Twin Towers crumbling to the ground were just a hoax designed to focus American attention on the revenge hunt for bin Laden.

"As angry as I was to learn that the towers are still out there somewhere, right now I can't help but feel energized by the death of Osama," said Taylor Jennings, 34, who toasted a beer with friends in the middle of a Brooklyn street. "If anyone can get those towers back, it's Obama. This war is not over yet."



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This was clearly done in haste, and isn't really funny at all. One of the worse PIC pieces in recent memory.

Joshua Bartel's picture

...and yet you read it.

...you see funny 9/11 jokes are funny. This... I'm not sure what it is... you're clearly a 15 year old that had a thought one day and just wrote in haste.

What you should do, next time, is write this down and spend a few hours reading through it over and over again, perhaps changing bits here and there, making it funnier... perhaps if you highlighted the text and pressed 'delete' you may have had a better artical.

there should be justice to the victims, Us should do their best to solve the problem...

You are a fucking dick

I agree this is terrible, done in haste, and in bad taste.

DUMB

Court for real man you should no longer be editing PIC. I can't even imagine what would've made you think that this was ok to write. Comedy site or not homey, this is absolutely unacceptable and I'm completely furious over it.

Joshua Bartel's picture

I suggest you avoid Dave Chappell, Larry David, Ali G, Jon Stewart, Mitch Hedberg, John Belushi, Chris Farley, Sarah Silverman, Dane Cook, Eddie Murphy, Richard Pryor, Jerry Seinfeld, Dennis Leary, and George Carlin...in fact, anything except Bill Cosby, since we don't want you to get "completely furious".

randy ortiz:

shut the fuck up

everything is fair game, even the chance that ur next kid might have down syndrome...fuck it!!

Mike Lamb's picture

Court, after reading this article I have decided that you are clearly and/or obviously 15 years old, 5'6", 249 lbs, your favorite food is orange Jell-o, you have a dog named Mr. Scruffles, your uncle Fred touched you in a bad way when you were seven, you once got food poisoning from a tuna sandwich while vacationing in Montana with your grandparents, aaaaaaaaand you're gay. Also, I like this article.

These comments above are really strange.Why should we upset the comments of a man who does not know us. Everyone is entitled to their opinion but it is essential that there are no more Bin Laden.

KILL YOURSELF

Joshua Bartel's picture

This is by far one of the funniest and sharpest pieces of satire I have read on PIC or elsewhere. When we recall the enduring popularity of Justin Bieber, we can put 90% of comments to this piece in the category of "uninformed and worthless". The author should be proud that people who laugh at corny "knock-knock" jokes took offense to this one. On the charge of being cool, the Court finds you all innocent.

Joshua Bartel is a fucking idiot.