Anti-Chuck Norris Facts

Chuck Norris, about to get his ass kicked.

Chuck Norris has vulnerabilities too.

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Chuck Norris Fearers - Angry hatemail from fearful Chuck fans.
20 Ambiguous Chuck Norris Facts - Has the roundhouse lost its kick?
Move Over, Chuck Norris - Future prospects for mockery.
Top 10 Facts - Chuck Norris' ultimate vulnerabilities.
Submit a Fact - Share the weaknesses you know about Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris crying

Newest Facts

When it comes to Chuck Norris, the term FACTS is an acronym for Fabrications And Completely Thoughtless Statements.

Chuck Norris and Superman once fought on a bet. Loser had to start wearing a silly cowboy hat.

Chuck Norris insists he's not gay, but he never goes out on a date without his beard.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares at them... and drools.

Chuck Norris once saved the world from a zombie apocalypse. When the zombies came to eat his brains, they starved to death.

Chuck Norris used to count sheep to fall asleep, but they kept making him horny.

Chuck Norris didn't actually shave his beard. He held up a pair of child safety scissors and his beard retreated under his skin.

You can't defeat Chuck Norris with a kick to the groin. There's nothing to hit down there.

Chuck Norris once tried to imitate Jackie Chan by doing all his own stunts. That lasted until Chuck stubbed his toe and nearly bled to death.

Chuck Norris once sold his soul to the Devil, who then auctioned it off to Mike Huckabee. Okay, that's actually not a joke.

Chuck Norris dresses up like a cowboy because, like cattle, he generates a lot of methane and even more bullshit.

Chuck Norris and Donald Trump once walked into a bar together. The building immediately exploded, because that much raw egotism cannot be contained in one place.

Chuck Norris is a creationist because he's in denial about the fact that he wouldn't have been born without some drunkard screwing a monkey.

Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk, and curl up into a fetal position.

The only reason Chuck Norris is so homophobic is that he's taken way too many blows to the head.

Chuck Norris once attempted autoerotic asphyxiation like David Carradine. Fortunately, he doesn't have any brain cells that require oxygen.

Chuck Norris tries to force his religious beliefs on others because he figures everyone else enjoys having things shoved up their ass and down their throat as much as he does.

Chuck Norris recently asked Steven Seagal how he manages to stay in such great shape.

The original Chuck Norris Facts list contains so many descriptions of depraved sex acts that even E.L. James called and asked them to tone it down.

Chuck Norris never takes a shit. Shit takes a Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris actually created a second martial art. It's called Dil Do, the art of fucking oneself.

Forest Warrior showed how Chuck Norris can transform into different animals. One day he turned into a jackass and forgot how to change back.

An infinite number of monkeys on typewriters given infinite time could eventually write the works of Shakespeare. Chuck Norris's book would take 3 monkeys 5 minutes.

Chuck Norris once had ribs removed so he could lick his own ass. He promptly got his head stuck in there.

Behind Chuck Norris's beard is a pasty, withered, bigoted old man.

Chuck Norris once went back in time and became his own father. It was force of habit.

Chuck Norris peaked in high school. That's not a mistake, he was held back until age 40.

Chuck Norris visited baby Jesus, but was kicked out of the manger for what he tried to do to the sheep.

Chuck Norris once pointed with his finger and shouted, "BANG!" To which the hooker replied, "That's still going to cost you."

Chuck Norris does not cut his grass. It all withered when he breathed on it.

Chuck Norris regularly eats at Chick-Fil-A. He loves stuffing his mouth with hot, greasy cock.

Chuck Norris once tried to cash in on the Pokémon craze, but was arrested for offering to show kids his "pocket monster."

Chuck Norris had a paper route growing up. He once lost the seat to his bicycle, but found he enjoyed it more that way.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, you'll have to wait a few hours until he passes his watch.

Chuck Norris actually died 12 years ago. He certainly smells like it, and his level of brain function is a clear indication.

Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet. He enjoys the smell of his own shit so much, he saves it for later so he can stick his head in and inhale deeply.

Chuck Norris doesn't count to infinity. He just tells people to measure his stupidity.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars. Scientists are still searching for signs of intelligent life in space.

Chuck Norris once tried roundhouse kicking a horse in the ass. He ended up breaking his bathroom mirror.

Chuck Norris doesn't eat food. He's already too full of himself.

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem: men couldn't stop it from clinging to their ass.

Chuck Norris can escape from a black hole. That's because he's completely lacking in substance.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding. They started a game of hide-and-seek as kids, and Chuck never finished counting to ten.

When a necropsy was done on the rattlesnake that bit Chuck Norris, the cause of death was found to be E. coli septicemia.

Outer Space exists because Chuck Norris's ego takes up too much room.

Chuck Norris once played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won. He was aiming it at his head, which contains no vital organs.

Chuck Norris only hates Muslims because whenever they greet him in Arabic, he thinks they're telling him to lick a salami.

When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, he already had 3 messages from Chuck Norris, who was calling to phone in yet another movie performance.

They tried to put Chuck Norris on Mt. Rushmore, but there was a problem. The granite proved to be a far better actor than Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once tried marketing inspirational WWCND bracelets. However, they had to be recalled after customers kept getting the bracelets lodged in their rectum.

Fear of spiders is called arachnophobia. Fear of enclosed spaces is called claustrophobia. Fear of Chuck Norris is called gerontophobia.

Some magicians walk on water. Chuck Norris swims on land. That's because he struggles with the concept of walking erect.

Chuck Norris warned of a thousand years of darkness if the wrong president was elected. He wasn't making a political statement though, that's just how the world looks to him with his head buried in the sand.

Chuck Norris can't make a snowman out of raindrops, but he can make a mountain out of bullshit.

Chuck Norris denies evolution because it implies everything evolved from a lower life form, like how humans evolved from apes, and rocks evolved from Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris completes a pushup, they have to stop the cameras so the stage crew can come in and remove the stunt wires.

How many pushups can Chuck Norris do? He doesn't know, he can't count very high without taking off his boots and socks.

Chuck Norris has so many STDs that even James Bond has advised him to start using protection.

Chuck Norris once farted in an elevator. There were no survivors.

Chuck Norris once contracted leprosy. He then made the painful mistake of jerking off.

Chuck Norris is like the God of Revelation: vengeful, wrathful, and wants to spend an eternity with 144,000 male virgins.

Chuck Norris once auditioned for a part in Game of Thrones. However, fans complained that now the show had one too many boobs.

Chuck Norris wishes he could run around the Earth and punch himself in the back of the head. It's the only way he can think to dislodge all the crayons he stuffs up his nose.

Video game developers tried to base more characters on Chuck Norris in their fighting games. However, nobody could make out his likeness because he was too one-dimensional.

Chuck Norris fans love to threaten that he'll personally beat up all his critics and detractors. In other words, they only respect him if he acts with all the dignity, discretion, and integrity of Uwe Boll.

Chuck Norris learned everything he ever needed to know in college. He attended the Creationist University of Natural Theology.

If you Google "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked," well then congratulations on finding out about Way of the Dragon for the very first time.

Chuck Norris once drank Dracula's blood. Not because he was trying to outdo the vampire; he just likes to ingest male bodily fluids.

Most municipalities have ordered all Chuck Norris movies removed from their police precincts. They keep confusing the bomb-sniffing dogs.

Chuck Norris discovered the location of Cheney's secret underground bunker. When the Secret Service questioned him about it, he said he's just very good at sniffing out Dick.

Mosquitoes and ticks don't bite Chuck Norris. They're afraid to catch what he has.

According to his fans, the Nazis surrendered on the day Chuck Norris was born. However, his official birthdate is March 10, 1940. This implies he was born 5 years and 2 months premature, which would actually explain a lot.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table. After all, his first and usually only instinct is to smash anything he doesn't understand.

Chuck Norris once broke his leg to compete in the Special Olympics. The judges were too late to stop him to tell him that his test results came in, and he's already overqualified.

They once named a street after Chuck Norris, but there was a problem. It was so lacking in integrity that by the 1990s it all ran downhill.

Chuck Norris once overdosed on Viagra. However, the only thing that got stiff and wooden was his acting.

Chuck Norris once tried steroids. He had his sparring buddies inject him in the ass. He would later administer the steroids.

How does Chuck Norris screw in a light bulb? He holds the bulb still and the world revolves around him.

Chuck Norris once tried to run for political office. However, voters got upset after he kissed their hands and shook their babies.

Chuck Norris always takes a pair of tweezers with him to the bathroom. It's not for cosmetic purposes though, it's just the only way he can aim when he takes a leak.

Chuck Norris is the world's strongest man. He can knock out 100 opponents with no effort, and his very presence brings tears to the eyes of the most elite martial artists. But enough about his body odor.

They once tried to make a film titled Alien vs. Predator vs. Chuck Norris. However, the Predator refused, since it only hunts intelligent lifeforms, and Chuck quickly exhausted the film's entire supply of facehuggers.

For some males, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, he just forgot to get his filarial parasites treated.

When Chuck Norris falls into water, they have to add raw sewage and industrial waste just to make it cleaner.

Chuck Norris is an anti-vaxxer because of the hypodermic needles. For some reason, all those tiny pricks make him feel insecure.

When Bruce Banner gets angry, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets angry, he turns into Chuck Norris, but only in terms of the decline in verbal skills and mental function.

Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest. That's because his optic nerves aren't attached to anything.

Chuck Norris works out 25 hours a day. Or at least that's the figure he came up with after failing basic arithmetic.

Chuck Norris tried to prove once and for all that he could pound a pussy. He ended up losing a fight to a six-week old kitten.

Bulletproof vests don't wear Chuck Norris for protection, he just likes to stuff them up his ass for safekeeping.

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. That's because in place of a heart he has a second gall bladder, to store all the bile he spews on a daily basis.

The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris. After all, Chuck always feels the need to prove himself by beating up helpless infants.

Chuck Norris can speak Braille and Morse Code. Seriously. Just ask him what's on his mind at any given time and he'll stare blankly and go "..."

Chuck Norris doesn't worry about high gas prices. He produces more than enough gas on his own.

Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. The bad guys fall down because they're standing downwind of him.

Chuck Norris solves all his problems with violence. One time he ended up bashing his head into a wall for days to cure a headache brought on by bashing his head into a wall.

It takes Chuck Norris a half-hour to watch an episode of 60 Minutes, because he's incapable of retaining any information past that point.

With Chuck Norris, the wheel is spinning but the hamster is dead, because Chuck Norris killed it.

When Chuck enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, because his lights are always on but nobody's home.

When Chuck Norris competed on Celebrity Jeopardy, he lost to a sack of hammers and a box of hair.

Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. His receiver is always off the hook.

Chuck Norris has been known to defy the laws of physics. For example, he manages to be both completely shallow and full of shit at the same time.

Chuck Norris once wrote an article for the American Family Association, a known hate group. To be fair, Chuck thought AFA stood for Anal Fisters Anonymous.

Chuck Norris is immune to pain. The nerve signals in his body have nowhere to go.

Don't be fooled when Chuck Norris professes his undying love for Jesus. He's actually talking about a burly ex-con named Jesús, who once broke Chuck's teeth to keep him from biting down in protest.

When Chuck Norris was recovering from a broken jaw, he tried to say, "I was born on a pirate ship!" Naturally, everyone believed him.

Death had a near-Chuck-Norris experience. As Death's doctors explained, when you suffer a traumatic brain injury, the more brain cells that die, the closer you get to Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken. He then becomes confused as to why he can't get any more eggs.

While boasting of his omnipotence and omnipresence, Chuck promised to spare an opponent if he could name one thing Chuck Norris can't do. The opponent replied, "Get lost." Chuck Norris then vanished in a puff of logic.

Chuck Norris adopted, "Don't Mess With Texas," as his personal motto, vowing to bring justice to any who failed to heed those words. That was how he wound up collecting trash and issuing fines for littering.

In addition to singing his own theme song, Chuck Norris has other musical talents as well. He's been known to spend hours practicing the skin flute.

A cop pulled Chuck Norris over once. Apparently Chuck kept rear-ending other motorists on the road. This, of course, had nothing to do with his terrible driving.

When Chuck Norris turned 18, his parents moved out. They were sick of cleaning the floors, because after all those years, they still couldn't potty train him.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming he's already trademarked the name "The Biggest Loser."

When you say, "No one's perfect," Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult and retorts that he's a perfect asshole.

A Chuck Norris action figure has slept with more women than most men. That's because women keep mistaking it for a tampon.

Chuck Norris doesn't spell words wrong. "Wrong" is too complicated a word for him to write out.

The government pays Chuck Norris taxes. They're reparations for making a person with that level of cognitive impairment serve in the armed forces.

When Chuck Norris solves a crossword puzzle, he doesn't read the questions. He just writes "UHHHHH" for every single answer.

When Chuck Norris swims in the ocean... all the invertebrates make fun of him.

Chuck Norris didn't really die when Bruce Lee broke his neck. That's because Chuck Norris has no spine.

Perhaps the only thing that can kill Chuck Norris for good is Chuck Norris. From that day on, he will always be An Hero to all his fans.

Chuck Norris once made a happy meal cry. It had never seen anything so pathetic after he ate the toy and played with the food.

When Chuck Norris throws a boomerang, the boomerang does not return, because it gets lodged in his foot.

When Chuck Norris works out at the gym, he doesn't get a rash from the machine. The machine gets a rash from Chuck Norris.

Some supermarkets change the dates on their products in order to sell them long after their expiration. Chuck Norris's agent has been known to do the same thing.

When Chuck Norris plays poker, he's unable to beat two of a kind, because he's never playing with a full deck.

Chuck Norris's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. He finds April 1st redundant, because he makes a fool of himself every single day of the year.

Chuck Norris doesn't brush his teeth. He needs to rub them with peanut butter to remind himself to open his mouth to breathe.

Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter. He should know, he uses it as anal lube all the time.

According to his fans, the only known cure for lesbianism is Chuck Norris. This makes no sense. How is presenting them with a giant walking dildo going to change anything?

The original title of "Street Fighter Alpha" was going to be "Spawn of Chuck Norris." This was before Capcom decided against making Dan the main character.

Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors. On his face. He has yet to figure out how they work.

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear rug in his living room. The bear isn't dead, its ass is just too sore to walk.

Scientists tried to calculate the total energy of one Chuck Norris roundhouse kick, but they had to come up with a new unit capable of measuring it. Hence, Planck's Constant.

Chuck Norris always brings his headphones when he goes jogging. He uses a custom recording that goes, "Left, right, left, right..." to remind him where to place his feet.

Chuck Norris likes to show off that he can stretch a diamond back into coal. He doesn't realize that it isn't coal though, because everything he touches turns to shit.

Chuck Norris expresses so many bigoted religious views, he puts the "fundament" in "fundamentalist."

Chuck Norris can hit you from across the room with his roundhouse kick. His body is so withered and decayed that his leg often detaches from the hip and goes flying.

Chuck Norris has come out in opposition to same-sex marriage. However, he's also opposed to straight marriage. He believes everyone should just stay home and masturbate to pictures of Chuck Norris, the way he does.

When Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the air, someone still gets hurt. But only if they forget to plug up their nose before the methane cloud reaches them.

In an effort to reach the pinnacle of physical fitness, Chuck Norris got rid of every last ounce of fat in his body. That explains what happened to his brain.

If you point out that Bruce Lee kicked Chuck Norris's ass, Chuck Norris fanboys reply, "Yeah, but Bruce Lee is dead now!" Very well then. Bruce Lee could still kick Chuck Norris's ass, despite having been dead since 1973.

To quote a truly legendary martial artist, "A wise man can learn more from a foolish question than [Chuck Norris] can learn from a wise answer."

If it looks like chicken, feels like chicken, and tastes like chicken, but Chuck Norris says it's beef-just ignore him, it's likely an early sign of dementia.

As one might expect, Chuck Norris denies anthropogenic global warming. He believes HE should be the only source of hot air on the planet.

Chuck Norris thumps his Bible so hard, it's taken out a restraining order against him.

Chuck Norris once urinated in the fuel tank of an F-15 Eagle jet as a joke. Today that jet is known as Starscream.

Never, ever name a hurricane 'Chuck Norris.' Otherwise it will continue to blow for eight straight years.

Did you know Chuck Norris had a role in Star Wars? He was the inspiration for the line, "I thought they smelled bad on the outside."

Despite what certain film critics may say, Chuck Norris did in fact attend acting school. However, it was short-lived, as he never did manage to pass the requisite paper bag test.

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. This is only because they haven't been tested on the kinds of things found growing on Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris had sex with the Internet and fathered two illegitimate children. Their names are Mary Sue and Gary Stu.

There's a simple reason nobody ever challenges Chuck Norris to a fight. There's no honor in beating up a crazy old man.

Chuck Norris can't do a roundhouse kick anymore, just an ordinary House kick, as in the only kind of kick Dr. Gregory House could pull off.

When Chuck Norris was first training to become a cowboy, it took him a while to learn that he was supposed to mount the horse, not the other way around.

Chuck Norris fantards say that America isn't a democracy, it's a "Chucktatorship." In other words, what you'd get if Chuck Norris stripped out every part of the Constitution containing words too big for him to read.

Chuck Norris blamed school shootings on the teaching of evolution, saying kids have no respect for life if they're taught we come from monkeys. He then thumped his chest, hurled his feces, waved a branch around, and ripped the head off the first person who looked at him funny.

Chuck Norris can speak every language, at the same time, in the same sentence. No really. Just ask him to find his own ass with both hands and a flashlight, and he'll say, "Huh?"

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in conspiracy theories. He IS a conspiracy theory. After all, how could a single person, working alone, in such a short amount of time, achieve that level of monumental, unmitigated, unwavering stupidity?

Chuck Norris doesn't beg to differ, he tells you what's right, but first he needs to consult with his pastor or

Not even Chuck Norris will fuck with Chin, the star of Hong Kong 97. After all, if there's one thing Chuck Norris can't resist, it's a barrage of balls to the face.

The memetic Chuck Norris is a lot like the bubonic plague. Not because he kills a lot of people, but because he's spread by rats.

The Chuck Norris Facts list often likens him to God. So according to 1 Corinthians, he will destroy the wisdom of the wise, and bring to nothing the understanding of the prudent. Well, they might have a point.

According to several Chuck Norris Facts, he produces an ungodly amount of human waste. Okay, no argument there either.

In his movie and TV roles, Chuck Norris frequently uses a gun to shoot people in the face. Now if only he had some other means of defending himself from assailants, but nobody knows what that might be.

Chuck Norris's dog is trained to pick up his own poop. Now if only his dog could teach Chuck Norris to do the same when they're out on their walks.

Chuck Norris has left entire cities depopulated. In other news, Chuck Norris will never be allowed to swim in the city reservoir again.

Chuck Norris is an avid bear hunter. Before he goes out, he always soaks himself from head to toe in bear urine. This has nothing to do with the hunting though.

Jealous that they've featured characters based on Bruce Lee and Jean Claude Van Damme, but not him, Chuck Norris forced Netherrealm Studios to produce a fighting game with him in the lead role. The resulting flop was titled More Dull Kombat.

Chuck Norris can punch a hurricane in the eye. Then again, calm empty air is the only thing he can punch without breaking his hand.

Chuck Norris thinks he can divide by zero, but all he's proving is that the limit of the function 1/x as x approaches zero is the measure of his stupidity.

Chuck Norris's computer has no Backspace, Control, or Escape keys. Not after he swallowed them, thinking they were candy.

John Boehner and Glenn Beck have called Chuck Norris the biggest crybaby they've ever met.

Chuck Norris wants creationism taught in public schools, so that the next generation becomes a bunch of uneducated idiots. It's the only way he knows to level the playing field.

According to his fans, there isn't anyone Chuck Norris won't roundhouse kick in the face. All martial arts schools teach that their techniques should only be used in self-defense against legitimate threats. By that logic, there isn't anyone who doesn't pose a legitimate threat to Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris tried to prove he could bowl a perfect game with a marble. Too bad he's lost them all.

Chuck Norris is so nutty that people who read his Worldnetdaily column are advised to carry epi-pens at all times.

If Chuck Norris were a Spartan in the movie 300, they'd have to title it 1. It would be impossible for the other hoplites to stand packed in a phalanx next to someone with his lack of bowel control.

Chuck Norris is so homophobic that he's called for a ban on British cigarettes, and bundles of sticks.

Chuck Norris once tried to send an email, but realized it would be faster to walk instead. This is after it took him six weeks to figure out how to open his web browser.

Chuck Norris invited some fans to work alongside him at a Texas ranch, but they found that being cowboys was harder than expected. For starters, they had no experience dealing with stubborn, dim-witted, smelly beasts. The cattle also proved quite difficult to handle.

The best place to hide from Chuck Norris is in plain sight. That's because anyone who isn't Chuck Norris is beneath his notice.

It takes Chuck Norris two calculators to add up his IQ, since he usually breaks the first one trying to figure out how to turn it on. He's gone through a lot of solar-powered calculators this way.

According to Chuck Norris, he wanted to star in The Expendables 3 to prove he's still capable of kicking names and taking ass.

During one Tae Kwon Do tournament, Chuck taunted his opponent with, "I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast!" Everyone assumed Chuck Norris was making a figure of speech. That is, until they smelled his breath.

Never, ever let Chuck Norris borrow a pair of kitchen tongs to retrieve a lost item, especially if he's in his underwear, walking funny and clutching his lower abdomen.

Chuck Norris filed a copyright infringement lawsuit against the Cartoon Network and Canadian National. When the court ruled against him, part of the settlement was that he was forced to change his name to Chuckle Nuts.

Chuck Norris has long maintained that nothing is better than Chuck Norris. However, one day he overheard a homeless person say that moldy bread is better than nothing. Enraged, Chuck went out to beat up a piece of moldy bread.

Chuck Norris is so homophobic, he refers to himself as a Hetero sapiens. Science was never his strong suit though. His actual genus is Pan.

Chuck Norris prides himself on being 100% self-sufficient. After every workout, he drinks his own breast milk.

Chuck Norris opposes same-sex marriage. Whenever he sees two gay men, he can't help but picture how they look in bed. One has nothing to do with the other though.

Hidden away in his closet, Chuck Norris has an inflatable rubber doll of Chuck Norris. Suffice to say, he spends a lot of time in the closet.

Chuck Norris can hold his breath indefinitely. Not on purpose though, this happened when someone put a mirror at the bottom of his swimming pool.

Every week, Chuck Norris places a pile of dead chickens on his doorstep. He doesn't kill them with his martial arts though; they're intended as sacrifices to the only thing Chuck Norris worships.

Chuck Norris rejects the theory of evolution, because the fact that someone with his level of mental impairment has avoided natural selection for so long is a miracle.

It's impossible to knock Chuck Norris off balance in a fight. That's because he's completely self-centered.

Doctors tried to give Chuck Norris a colostomy bag, but there was a problem. Every time he filled it up, he would lose 95% of his body weight.

Between Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee, just as a reminder, which one needs a long list of puerile, unfunny jokes in order to embellish his accomplishments?

Why do some people still find Chuck Norris jokes funny, long after 2005? Because everything he's ever done has been a joke.

Top 10 Anti-Chuck Norris Facts

  1. Chuck Norris' semen cures cancer. Too bad he has AIDS.
  2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He lies awake in regret.
  3. Chuck Norris is currently suing ABC, claiming Hope & Faith are trademarked names for his left and right breasts.
  4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is diarrhea.
  5. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may not realize how much he's actually aged.
  6. Chuck Norris attempted to count to infinity. Backwards. He didn't know where to start.
  7. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the chance of success. Chuck Norris wanders around aimlessly with a gun.
  8. Chuck Norris' blood type is AK-47. The gun. It is compatible only with bullets. Chuck Norris is full of holes.
  9. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Grand Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man drives a fucking Jeep.
  10. In fine print on the last page of the Farmers' Almanac it notes that annual rainfall figures do not include the tears shed by Chuck Norris, and the figures listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has gotten to subtracting out such overwhelming excess.
More from PIC:

This sucks. Why can't you let people have fun with their Chuck jokes? These aren't fun at all.

how simular to the facts can you get, be origional with your shit

the thing is, they're trying to make everybody else sound stupid with their chuck norris jokes. and they're succeeding. they obviously don't want to go with what everybody else is doing. they're doing something different, and it's funny.
why are you so sensetive about this, anyway?
jeez, calm down.

how fucking dare you! chuck norris is my homeboy! i will kill you in the shirt!!!!

Wow.. definitely disappointed in whomever made this list up. I'm not a fan of Chuck Norris, but just because someone made something doesn't mean there has to be an Anti- group to it. Get a life and some creativity

your a faggot

no you're a faggot, D':


your a fucking piece of shit worthless slut whore and no one likes you so fuck off

Shut the fuck up you stupid cunt.


i really don't see why chuck norris is so famous Bruce lee would kick his ass.

shut up

Fuck u u fucking faggot u suck youre mommas nipples you gay sack of shit,incest product.

Dude. These are meant for ANTI chuck fans. if u like chuck y even read these? fucking idiot

Don't get me wrong--

These jokes are pretty funny, but what if you were the one that they were worshiping... you'd want lots of people to like you.

So don't go around telling Chuck Norris to f*** off, because you should put empathy...


You should really get a life... If Chuck Norris saw all this shit, he would be really pissed. Whoever created this site must really be an asshole!

No, if chuck norris saw this he'd cry himself to sleep on his 'My Pretty Pony' pillow.

suck a dick

okay mmmmm delicius


Finally some ANTI chuck jokes. I was gagging to death from all the retarded cheesy jokes at school.

Maybe that's cuz you're school is cheesy, ya dumbass. Chuck Norris rocks more then you, you sad sad person

Nice try with the grammar; you would have seemed legitimate if you had used the correct form of "than".

Chuck Norris DOES NOT ROCK. He promotes World of Warcraft...nuff said.

the funny thing is chuck norris would kick ass their asses even at the age of 70 yea bruce lee kicked his ass but its all set up.. whos still living ,.

Bruce Lee is the master. Enough said.

because he knows bruce lee is waiting to kick his ass again in the afterlife

If you would quit slobbin on his knob, you would realize how much of a punk chuck norris really is.

Because Chuck is a psycho right wing douchebag. Seriously stop encouraging this nutcase by making him out to be God.

If you can't let people have a little bit of fun then a least ruin their fun with some decent jokes. These jokes suck.
You guys suck balls. Chuck Norris rocks

chuck norris is a fucking faggot and obviously a child molester !! fucking gay ass freaks !!!!!

I use exsessive swearing, and more than one exlamation point to get my ideas across. even though they sound stupid and are definately wrong

Don't Listen to Jacob Sellers he is upset because he is in fact the boy mentioned int he knock knock joke.....

get a life tard balls

we are not tard balls, the makers of this crappy site are, they are just stupid bitchasses with no freaking life.

Please fuck off.

I completely agree with you. The maker/s of this list should grow some balls and grab that 50 meter pole out of their ass.

You are correct,Man chuck norris is an hero for many.
To the guy who made this site:
The jokes about him only show how amazing he is to people,they like him so they make jokes.But if you are anti chuck norris,than don´t bother to write this useless shit about chuck norris because many people like him and if you would face him in reality,you wouldn´t have the guts to tell him this.

don't see why anyone would be afraid to tell chuck to his face how gay he is one all he would do is girlishly slap you in the arm and two if he really dose know how to fight it would be illeagle for his to even play hit you I've been in fight classes and the first thing they teach you is your body is a weapon so even play hitting would be the same as waveing a gun around in public without fireing it

I love this jokes, I want to do them hard. ;)
Love you all xxxxxxxxxxxx

ill do you hard

Better be careful, Chuck Norris is now on the war path. Dick wads...

This website sucks something fierce CHUCK NORRIS RULES

suck my fucking dick, this website is tight

AND chuck norris rules

the site is just making fun of the stupid chuck norris facts phenomenon, not chuck norris herself

Herself? LOL!

chuck norris shaved his beard but kept his mustache. now he looks like ned flanders. if you don't believe me, check this video.

I thought they were pretty funny. I didn't buy in to the Chuck Norris fanclub.

Chuck Norris is my bitches bitch.

damn, you suck. HARD! by you, i mean the one who posted this crap, the one owning this website and the one who wrote this crap. your anti-shit is shitty. did you seriously consider this funny?

you suck!

you swallow.

you're probably saying this because you have no sense of humor whatsoever, right?

You forgot one: Chuck SWALLOWS

Your mom swallows.

Chuck Norris absolutely does swallow. When he sucks my dick, his merkin sometimes fall off- he has no chin behind it.

It's amazing how you just admitted to being gay. And Chuck would roundhouse kick you so hard that it would alter your DNA making your descendants occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What the hell was that!"

get a life,,,
real lame stuff...

oh, good job. real original. too bad you got that joke off the internet...

These jokes are so lame and unfunny. I rather laugh about how mighty chuck norris is.

Ya know whats funny? that you say this guy does not have a life BUT you are the ones with no lives you just sit at a computer desk for 30 years in your grandmothers basement because your mom is a whore and is fucking someguy you dont know and you have the guts to say people have no lives? you guys make me think and when you talk trash it just makes you look like an idiot.

oh my god, people. there's nothing actually BEHIND all the jokes. he's a normal man, who has a beautiful wife and kids. he took in fucking HOMELESS PEOPLE into his OWN HOUSE during the hurricane. can't we have a little FUN with the pro-norris jokes? just chill. i HATE haters.

go fuck yourself.

Um. If you HATE haters then that makes you a hater, does it not? So then does that mean you hate yourself as well? Seems like you have some serious personal issues. And just because people post shit on the internet like this doesn't mean they hate Chuck Norris. I agree with you on the fact that Norris is a good all around family man. But I for one am sick and tired of hearing all the Chuck Norris jokes. I think these are pretty funny. Some of the pro-Norris jokes are funny too. I personally think Jackie Chan would annihilate Chuck Norris.

I agree...all the faggots out there who dis chuck just because they want something new to jack off to doesnt mean that we have to read this bull shit

Yet you still read it.

i hope chuck kills you. you suck.go chuck

why dont you go Suck on Chuck and have him administer an assfuck

lol chuck norris got in a fight with bruce lee and had his ass kicked

I love Chuck, he's bad ass. Buit Bruce lee did beat his ass. Im sorry.

Still love Chuck though.

that was, in fact, the most expensive special effects scene ever. it required 3 stunt doubles just so chuck norris wouldnt beat the living shit out of bruce lee.

only in a movie cumquat.
norris is actually the only person to ever fight lee to a stand still. do some research girly girl, and why your at it, take lees cock ouch ya mouth so the rest of us dont have to hear your muffled garbage. no offense to lee, but your obviously a fanboy.

And apparently you're a Norris fanboy. All of you who are bitchin about this are. Fuck, people its all in a joking manner. Just good fun. Fuckin A! If you don't like it, don't read it. Simple as that.

hahahahah this site fails so much with its anti chuck norris facts, there is no such thing, only chuck norris.

these jokes are so similar to Chuck Norris jokes that they're not even funny
oops, I meant to say its

Being a anti-chuck norris rules i hate chuck norris he isn't that tough even Bruce Lee killed chuck norris in a second they have to slow down Bruce Lee moves to show it on the movie's while chuck norris is so slow

Go wank to your fucking gay porn, bitch

wow... whoever did this crap is retarded. none of them were even funny. im not a huge fan but at least they got good jokes. someone needs help. go see chuck norris

damn... this site is the worst one i have ever been to, whoever made this site needs to go get laid. YOU HAVE NO LIFE!!!!! STOP DISSING CHUCK NORRIS AND DIE!!!!! ... that's all I have to say about that...

Man oh man... are you guys fucking kidding me? I don't mind Chuck or anything, but seriously, all you faggots sound like you want his dick in your ass. Telling the creators of this site to get a life? How about you stop searching websites for things you apparently don't want to read and then flaming the author.

Yes! Thank you! Finally some voice of reason! If you don't like it then just don't read it. Would a straight man look for gay porn, just to diss on it? No. Well some of you might >.> I dunno. But the point remains! If you don't wanna hear it don't search for it.

this is PATHETIC! you guys are not original at all. chuck norris facts rulez!!! did you know that It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes? now, that's original, and funny. your facts doesn't have nether of those, so please die

Ohhhhhhh, okay, so Chuck Norris facts are original right? That's why they were all stolen from Vin Diesel facts. I get it now.

actually, that's not all.
you got it off the internet.
c'mon, you're not funny, because if you were, you wouldn't need to look up "chuck norris facts".

sigh shut up already chuck norris sucks it may be ok for the first few seconds but now its annoying chuck norris is god chuck norris is better then superman chuck norris killed bruce lee just shut up already chuck norris is a regular actor who is overrated flame me i don't care

Agreed :D

I must admit that i did not know that Chuck Norris facts are same as Vin Diesel facts. I've just found out about Norris facts, didn't know that there are Vin Diesel fact. but still... in my opinion Chuck deserves it. I mean, come on, don't you get sick of watching his movies?

no but i get tired of hearing the corny ass jokes

Go to hell. bitches! Chuck Norris rules!

lies chuck norris sucks and bruce lee rules

U know, I wouldn't be at all surprised if Chuck Norris killed these people who created the site right after they made these facts- 47 times.



Fuck off dick, your just jealous because Chuck Norris has a dick and you don't

Burn in hell, gay fuck!


Fuck Chuck Norris. If given the chance id kill him my self!

you guys, CHILL OUT. this guy is making a sarcastic joke cause chuck is an old man. he prolly doesnt hate chuck, hes just playing on the jokes. i thought it was funny.

for the record i hate people who say we should have prayer in school, and reform the US constitution along biblical lines (chuck norris)

chuck norris is gay

Your mum's gay!

HOW DARE YOU!!! Chuck Norris will always get past your barrier because nothing can hold back his roundhouse kicks. He will then kick your shit-stained ass out of the space time continuum.

your right nothin can hold back his kick EXCEPT for Bruce lee

Not going to lie, some of these were kind of funny but come on man. It's fucking Chuck Norris. Have some respect, the man is a god.

god? No. Overrated washed up actor? yes. :D

Fuck Chuck Norris.

I laugh my ass off at all of you, this is freedom of speech at its finest, it is an opinion... With out TV Chuck Norris is nothing but a lame ass that no one would even know about

BESIDES.... I tought Chuck Norris everything he knows even how to get his HOT wife

so eat that with a spork

WHATEVER you people are just a bunch of haters becuse you can't be as cool as chuck norris so why don't you just move on with your crappy lifes and leave this wondeful man alone

I laughed to only one or two of them. meh, I don't think they are funny...

Chuck Norris sucks!! Im glad somebody put these up!! It's so annoying with "Chuck Norris" all the time!

chuck norris sucks shit

you suck Chuck Norris' dick! Oh thats too much of a honor for a prick like you xD

This page sucks you stupid little fucks! Chuck Norris is the man! Get a life, you little fags who put up this site. The jocks aren't even funny, if you're about to do something like this, can't you just do it right...

the jokes are hilarious. its chuck norris that sucks. sorry you like that weakass actress

This bullshit sucks!!! The prick that did this, and the bitches that like these lies, go fuck your loser selves! Chuck Norris friggin rocks!!

This is the wrost website I have ever been. You mutherfucker, the thing that wrote this, GO FUCK YOURSELF, and get A LIFE fucker. This jokes arent even funny. I hate mutherfuckin' haters like u, bunch of idiots.
CHuck Norris rockz!!!!

What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? "Why the hell does it take this guy so long???

this website is a disgrace and only exists because chuck norris roundhouse kicked the creator so hard no one around him survived to delete it.

guys, these jokes are pretty funny. stop being fuckin fanboys who only want chuck's dick up your ass. hes a real martialrtist, hes awesome i know. but even he doesnt mind being made fun of. hes NOT A FUCKIN GOD. HES A REGULAR GUY. STOP FLAMING PEOPLE WHO DONT AGREE WITH YOU. ALSO, STOP GOING TO SITES JUST TO FLAME THE AUTHOR. DIPSHITS!!!

Yeah but those god jokes about Chuck Norris are cool so f*** yourself!



well to be fair chuck norris is really not all that great, i mean his penis is small and he most likely does have AIDS.

and he is also very gay

Chuck Norris is kick-ass. fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, your cool, fuck you, im out.

These jokes are gay...

the fake chuck norris on twitter roundhouse kicks this list in the face and balls at the same time.

Norris for president

this is just sad.
some people think pro-norris jokes are funny
some people think anti-norris jokes are funny
deal with it.
get a life.
get off the computer.
and go get a date.

get a date if your lucky

this is just sad.
some people think pro-norris jokes are funny
some people think anti-norris jokes are funny
deal with it.
get a life.
get off the computer.
and go get a date.

sorry but i think ur talking about yourself rofl...kbyethanks

ur gay chuck...go die


im asian u probly white so go lick ur virgia cock shit you gay white fag

I actually find these anti jokes funny, not all, but most of them, and the people who are really hating on these jokes are the ones who need to get a life, its a joke, ffs, and btw, the so called 'facts' of chuck norris is all a joke too

wow, I can't believe the amount of people defending chuck norris. Pussies. Funny shit.

in the end you are the pussy haha
you hate people that shows you are the problematic one

people could take this lightly but not with your shitty attitude

trashes that hates people needs to get a life
maybe you will understand this when you are older kid

Chuck Norris is a shitty fundamentalist who thinks that evolution is false. He thinks that "In god we trust" was originally part of the constitution.
The twat thinks that the founding fathers were Xtians.
Maybe if Bruce Lee didn't die we wouldn't have some retard turn Americans into Americunts.

Well spoken!!!

you guys suck huge dick fuck my shit niggers !

In all honesty i think all black people should die.

I myself am a 15 year old male, if i was a women i wouldn't be perfect. If i wasn't white i wouldn't be perfect. My only downside is the fact I have in the past treated women with respect.

But seriously, i am the 21st century hitler, and unless your white your gonna die.

In all honesty i think all black people should die.

I myself am a 15 year old male, if i was a women i wouldn't be perfect. If i wasn't white i wouldn't be perfect. My only downside is the fact I have in the past treated women with respect.

But seriously, i am the 21st century hitler, and unless your white your gonna die.

Were panic at the disco !


all of my kind should get bbeaten

i hate niggers, they should all be put in concentration camps and brutally tortured. the fact that such monstrosities exist is repulsive. i hate how they eat their KFC while guzzling grape juice and watching their stolen HD televisions.

if you are like me, join me and my gang at,
welcome, to the klu klux klan, white power forever

wow, ignorance is alive and well. maybe you should concentrate your efforts on finishing high school instead of spreading hate.

im german and my family has been called a bunch of nazis so anything to get rid of them


lmfao im a cat

Hey badger im kimbo slice and ill kill you cause im black and we all kill people

Hey badger im kimbo slice and ill kill you cause im black and we all kill people

Hey whats up?

rofl im not a virgin, im just a slut

fuck you badger,

grape juice fo life

actually, as an edit,
i also hate spicks, asians (especially chinks), jews, rightous woman, egyptians, irish, anyone on the conitinent of africa, rednecks (americans), brazillians, christians, protestants, fat people, gay people, retards, anyone from hawaii, austrailians ( theyre all criminals), people with heavy english accents, indians ( except lp), ugly people, britney spears, hannah montonah, the jonas brothers ( falls under gay people) and most of all i hate anyone non-white-religious people.

Your one racist son-of-a-bitch people like you just should die, PFFFFT Our Hitler, dude... stop smoking crack or some shit, what kind of fucking religious tells you to fucking hate other races? ur fucking mess up, and just should die, if I hate one thing in this world is fucking racist people like you, go to hell, and for the record I'm latin, how much you wanna bet ur thinking "oh he's mexican" then yes, your one racist fucking bitch cause ur wrong, dude... go to hell now, cause ur going there sooner or later

P.S. Im Cristian also..... douchebag

Badger should not exist
Well from what I can see there's too many kids here

Thats the problem in the internet itself too many problematic kids

i thought cristians couldnt swear...

oh so you hate your self you retarded faggot???

If Bruce Lee were alive today, he'd be folding my dry cleaning or serving me kung pow poon-tang. He was such a fag. I hate that little nip bastard.

Now, Chuck is THE MOTHERFUCKING MAN. AND I WILL KILL ALL WHO DISAGREE. FUCK YOU ALL. And no, Chuck didnt get his ass kicked by little the Zipperhead Bruce Lee. The little Gook was all hopped up on PCP and cream-of-sum-yung-guy.

Thirdly, if you wanna bash somebody, why not that nigger loving, kike loveing, spic loving Steven Segal. HE IS THE WORLDS BIGGEST FUCKING FAGOT. I HATE THAT FUCKING KNOB GOBBLER. NOW HE REALLY DOES TAKE WHAT I PEE OUT OF AND PUT IT IN HIS MOUTH.

So, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, your cool and fuck you, too.


Nip is a racial slur for Japs idiot. Bruce Lee was raised in Hong Kong. If your going to be racist, at least don't make ALL racist look stupid.

you're really dumb too.


"I disagree with you"

Kill me...

Chuck Norris even said himself that this whole "Chuck Norris" phenomenon is embarrassing and silly.


WHITE POWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this is a joke right?

white power? that is sooooo 90's

I created CHUCK NORRIS with my spit...

And also taught him how to fuck by fucking his mother...

don't hate each other... if u r black or white... whatever...

remember... i fucked all of your mothers... some of them in day, so u r white, and some of them in night... so u r black...

and don't think of fucking my mother... pansies...

i am the first of any humans... then i created all of your mothers from my semen... then i spit...phwettttt.......

and Chuck Norris created...



this is VERY LAME

Wow. These just aren't funny. Like, at all.

if only there was a report button so i can report this quadtrillion characters and 2/4-page long fact....rediculous

*i meant fight not fact

and some* are funny

*i said some

my hate for chuck norris made me find this page
your hate for chuck norris made me like him
you made chuck norris win...douche...

wow this site is fucking awful. not funny at all

wow. this is really dumb.

all you racist pricks can fuck an elephant. I dnt care bout Chuck.. I just fucking hate Racism. and btw FUCK ALL NAZIS >:(

Chuck Norris is gonna Roundhouse you in the face : P

LOL!!!!!!!! 'Some of these people are so hyprocritical. Proof read everything before you send this shit man! You're all just making yourself look even more of an idiot than you actually are (that takes some). That goes for the racists and non-racist people. I bet the racist people would never dare come out and be open about it in public, which is why they run to the internet to share their views. I may be called a racist, but I don't generalise it to black people, and to be honest I don't mind other races, I personally just hate illegal immigrants and how they make my country (England) shit. The government are proud of our 'multi-cultural country'. Who has EVER been proud of being a bit of everything but not really good at any of them. Illegal immigrants should be shot on sight - They may have come from a bad place, but lets balance it out, they won't run to somewhere they will get killed, thats like running from an escaped Lion in to the tigers exhibit. If people want to come to England illegally, at least make it for the reason of them to die. Not to get huge government grants, nice cars and free education. Deport them or shoot the fuckers.

As for Chuck Norris - The craze is pathetic, the phrases are pathetic. And for the people who were saying 'at least let us have fun with Norris jokes', at least let people who hate Chuck Norris jokes have fun at anti-Norris jokes, and piss off to your norris jokes, you knew what you were coming to when you clicked the link, if you like Chuck, why did you click on Anti-Chuck norris facts. Idiots!

Lol, you say so yourself as others not to be hypocritical? think about this, The fact that YOU are being the same by downsizing the ones who like chuck. Then you should see yourself along the lines of things such as, the fact that your calling us idiots for sticking up for what we think is right, just as you say that your not at our level? Just like the fact that your pissed about the people crossing over to your country (but dont get mad about this subject ((what i'm talking about in the '()' marks)) because i fking hate that too) and its just the same. We're being open minded about what we think of it, and how it should be, so you can critisize us for it, if you where doing the same thing. Others clicked on this link not even awere that it said "anti" jackass. thanks for no reading it all the way threw ethier, because i'm pretty sure you didn't like to be told how it REALLY is. but thanks anyway.

owh, hell yeah.. i'm gonna tell chuck about this FUCKING website.. and Chuck gonna sue this website, and half of the money will be mine.. how great is that.. i gonna rich!!
i gonna thank this website because making me rich!! well, the jokes are lame, but it make me love it when chuck sue this site..
so long SUCKERS~

wow a lot of jackass' comment here

People are getting worked up over jokes?

Over...over Chuck Norris jokes, of all the things?

Let me present some points for you viewing: Chuck Norris is not awesome. His TV show was poorly acted. His movies are generally regarded as sub-par. At best.

And finally, Chuck Norris is a human being. He is a person. He isn't a god, he isn't gay because he has a wife and kids, and you people need to get a fucking life.

There's a point to where Chuck Norris jokes are funny. Then there's a point to where Anti-Norris jokes are funny. Then there's the point of being idiots.

Any idiot who supports Chuck Norris or hates them who has advertised themselves on this fucking site by either approving or disapproving of these jokes needs to go play in the freeway.


No, seriously, get out of here and go kill yourself. You're not contributing useful genes to the gene pool. This planet's bad enough without you guys to screw it over by your terrible senses of humor.

Honestly, people, take a joke. Don't get worked up about this.

Have a nice day!

Lol i can see where your coming from by the "getting worked up over chucknorris jokes" and all, but the "go kill yourself' comments and the 'acting like your trying to be nice' type things, are what makes you a complete and total asshole. We can tell that its kinda stupid to get worked up over these jokes (or at least i can), but thats no reason to start threatening and telling people to die, or get a life, over. Really, if your trying to settle something, try using non-ass'a'holic-words, if you will, and dont "try" to act nice when your really just being a hypocrit, and an asshole in the first place. you may have noticed that i've said asshole many times right now, but your probably not even reading all the way threw this because you dont like being told how to act, without being a complete, incompatable minded human being. But of course, i may have went over the scale, and i would say sorry for hurting your feelings, but you obviously didnt care about others, including the suicidle people who look to chuck norris as an idle, whom actually DID do it, even though you may have ment it as a joke, but of course ethier way, you really dont deserve an apology. Thanks for not reading it all the way threw, people with a low IQ never really do.

Plus, Chuck Norris isn't racist. Why are we advertising the KKK on here? Why are we getting worked up over ethnics? Skin color has nothing to do with anything. Even in Religion. Read your texts before you make judgments.

And before anybody calls me racist, I wanna say that I agree with them. I'm racist. Im' white, and I hate white people, and I hate illegal immigrants. I make racist jokes. But I hate everyone equally, okay? Sheesh, people are dumb.

Chuck norris is a fucking faggot and a fucking stupid ass bitch if u want to make jokes do it about something actually cool bitches

Lol using a lot of curse words doesnt make your comment any better really man. Kinda a really retarted thing to do actually, because that just lowers the IQ thought about how you really are, others look to chuck as an idle anyway an- wait.. why am i typing this much if your IQ is so low, that you had to use curse words to fill in the blanks in your sentence to try to hide it? hm.. Good point. But yea, think about that lol

ur the faggot ass bitch, u dont have anything better to do than to try to bring down the NORRIS....?

Chuck norris just lost the game

Why arey ou guys haters and not lovers, dont make war, make peace


Chuck Norris tried to kill Edward Cullen, now he's dead.

NO...Edward CUllen is mai prizon beotch

HOLY SHIT! ya, know, i can here because I looked "chuck norris getting his ass kicked to prove there would be no results, but instead i find this trash. Any1 who made those jokes, go choke on your momma's pupic hair you bastards. Chuch Norris is why we invented the word invincible because nothing else but him is. He will most likely kill you in your sleep now. Expect extreme stranglage.

get a life people stop commenting ugly shits these jokes are the shit KFC lol

theres no point in worshipping chuck norris
cuz hes just human
and theres no use hating him just cuz hes famous


I've got to say, I am seriously embarrassed by all of the white people or otherwise who have written obscenely racist comments on this page. My I remind you that the civil war is over? And for your information, there is no point in insulting another religion. Aren't you trying to convincing them to agree with you? I'm a Christian, and I'm proud of it. However, if I wanted to convert someone of a different ethnicity or religion, I would certainly not announce that I hate them. So, to conclude, I hope that those of you who are currently just embarrassing yourselves and your opinions, please take my advice and let it go.

this site is gay!!!!!!!! none of this shit was funny and the creator should prolly choke on a hamburger and die , trust me and eery1 else that has seen this website youd be doin us a favor if you were to die ... thnkx

Lol guys, thats funny trying to "make FUN of" [CHUCK NORRIS]
you guys do understand that, #1: the jokes where too similar, that they made really no sence, and plus, almost the entire world know's who [CHUCK NORRIS] is, and pretty much worships him o.o so... yea... Be original if your going to make jokes, and ethier way everyone already knows that you guys need to be worried about the 1CNRhK. so... yea...

these guys say Norris is on some some sort of medication and is off them right now, guess they know something the rest of us dont then?

Despite the fact that this is being posted 10 months since the last comment, I want to add my two bits.

Fact 1: Chuck Norris is a person.
Fact 2: Being annoyed that he has a giant fanclub does not mean he sucks.
Fact 3: Being in his fanclub does not mean he owns everyone and that anyone that disagrees should come to a terrible end.

Just because this person did not use original jokes does not mean he should die or fuck himself or that he is gay.

Grow up. Chuck Norris is not a God. Personally, I think the guy promotes good stuff. But I also think his movies are boring.

I hate closeminded people. Let other people have their opinions, even if they are different. You can state yours but don't be rude.


Eat a dick Chuck fanboy!


Eh, First comment*

haha Chuck takes it lightly so I am not mad at you guys
some of them are funny though

Chuck Norris can slap you with his tongue, I can slap him over the Internet with my feet.

it'd be ok if these were funny but they're not

to all of you good people who are rightly displeased with this cunt, (who is clearly jealous of chuck norris) , dont be angry, as within seconds of this friendless noob posting the 'jokes his face was promptly round house kicked to the back of his head by the man himself. the only reason chuck norris allows the jokes to stay on the internet is so that he knows who to kill. if u laughed at these jokes u are truley fucked and rightly so

ur a fag for putting this up.....if chuck norris saw this he would do ur mom and throw u in the sun111111111111

you guys from this site are fuckin gay.

Chuck Norris jumped off the Empire State and the Sidewalk was hurt.

blasphemy :D

chuck norris will bit your face off !

hey i just scrolled through this whole list. its funnyer then the jokes themselfs. its so funny becuse the topic switches from chuck to racists and to chuck then to racists and back to chuck. seriously you should scroll all the way up to the top or you could simply press the home button and should be on the right side of the laptop. (and for all those lazy asses whomb do not know whitch side it is its --> side). trust me youll laugh your asses off just reading these comments. fyi i have no side with the chuck norris thing. im only on here becus i wanted to show my mom what happened if you type in chuck norris and just relized you need to type in find chuck norris.

good luck. the lepricon waz here. beware.

You guys are fucking idiots CHUCK NORRIS rules the world and could destroy all of you idiots. This website is shit and should be taken off of the internet.

I may have beat chuck norris in a moive but he came to me in real life and ripped my fucking head off.

If Chuck norris sees this website the world will end. He will literally kill all of you fuckfaces!! HE WILL FUCK YOU UP!!!! YOU STUPID COCKSUCKING MOTHER FUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE WILL FUCKING MASSACRE YOU! FUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ASSHOLES!!!!!!!! WHEN THE WORLD ENDS IN 2012, YOU WILL KNOW WHY!! You fuckers just caused the end of the world! LEAVE CHUCK NORRIS ALONE!! JUST LEAVE HIM ALONE!! HE'S JUST A HUMAN(NOT REALLY)!! DUMBASS FUCKING STUPID SONS-OF-BITCHES!! YOU STUPID COCK-LOVING FUCKS!! ALL OF YOU WILL BURN IN HELL!!!!!!!!!!!

Chuck Norris tried to grow a beard and couldn't, so he had one airbrushed on.

It's always amusing when college kids think their "take on things" is worthy of an internet posting. Mediocrity is your strong point, kid ... but then, i think you already knew that.

It wi9ll be hard to find a site that SUCKS as much as this one.
If even one of the jokes was funny. This is just retarded.

Stop saying shit! You guys hated this because you love chuck norris. And you love him, because you don't have anyone else to love. I don't like chuck norris, but i don't hate him. I only hate you guys because you don't know what to do when someone doesn't "loves" chuck norris. And creativity? You fucking complain about creativity? Look at you, following everyone. Everyone likes Chuck Norris, why don't you find someone else to like dumbass. Get out of here and stop complaining about creativity, because you sure don't have any.

Finally someone understands that Chuck Norris is really not that great and shouldnt be this famous.

Finally someone smart here.

This was either created by a woman or a fag.

Wow, this is what people spend their time doing. Very disipointing. Im not worshiping chuck, but i aint discuraging himeither. the only reason this site is created is because the person who created it is jelus( or however you spell it ) of chuck. You let the world down creater of this site.

Chuck Norris is a bitch, Jet Li would own him so bad. actually there is a movie with Jet Li kicking the shit out of Chuck Norris... I could kick Chuck Norris's ass. just becuase he was on a tv show doesnt mean he is actually tough. Jet Li is the real deal. he isnt a fake little bitch like
chuck norris.

I think you mean Bruce Lee. The movie with Jet Li and Chuck was the one were Jet got his ass kicked.

dude. i have been reading this shit for a while. this is a website that someone made because they were bored and were looking for idiots like yourselves to argue about a fucking actor!!! they get their fun from reading this kind of shit. please stop this. be more mature than this. if you keep this up, all you will be doing is entertaining this virgin. so please...... just drop it.

I'll admit I'm a big Chuck Norris fan, but I am always able to also laugh and make fun of what I like... And I have to say. These jokes are terrible... All they are are Chuck Norris jokes in a negative pov. I hope who ever wrote these never writes another joke again.

Wow chuk fans get so offended.....get off his dick already shot if you love chuk so much get the fuck out this say that the creator of this site is lifeless for dissing chuk......well FUCK CHUK & yea i know i spelled his name wrong.....that fag doesnt deserve to ahave his name spelled right.....BRUCE LEE FTW!!!!!!!!

Because a middle aged half-rate martial artist that sucks at acting is totally Messiah.

Dude I think the comments on this site are like 20 times funnier then the jokes. the jokes are just mean and hurtful how'd you like someone saying this stuff about you. Its like you were raised with no morals didn't your mom teach you anything while you grew up.

Well, you see tons of jokes about other people and you don't complain, I don't understand that. Btw, don't try educating the people, because education you learn when you are young, that's why the world is hopeless. Look around and you will see violence, crime, corruption...
I don't care if Chuck Norris is good or not, and i don't really care if Bruce lee can beat him... or not. If the people don't like what he wrote here, then leave. Because complanining is worthless and it wont magically delet the "jokes".

oh yeah seeing his face over the entire fucking internet is fun chuck is good bullcrap he is not god if he was i would be dead right now oh wait im not give it a rest already its already gotten old you just say the same crap over and over chuck norris is god screw chuck norris and screw chuck norris fan im glad hes dead i just hope all you chuck norris fans die to theres probably a trillion of chuck norris facts stop making them hes not cool back then hes not cool now

This is Freaking Hilarious. Chuck Norris ... what an arthritic chode! I thought Id vomit if I heard another lame kissass Chuck Norris joke. Kudos to the authors!!

chuck norris loves dick...enough said

Stop acting like Chuck Norris is the best.
Bruce Lee fucking OWNED Chuck.
Lol get over it.

when chuck was 14. and look whos still alive.

Wow! so i just wasted a whole five minutes reading the retarded comments on ho stupid these jokes are and no one realizes that both sides are stupid... chuck norris is a guy, like the next guy of the streets... he's actually not even good. compared to bruce lee, apparently, since he lost. i perfer these jokes, cause chuck norris is a dumb person to think as a god... apparently.

You guys are all fucking retarded. You should try doing something cool with your lives. Not writing to each other with thoughts of butt fucking each other. You are all one interstate rest stop from being related. Faggots!!!!!!!!

chuck norris is going to roundhouse kick you out of existance

May the force be with you

OMG just fucking stop complaining. Chuck norris isnt god, and i bet half of the world could beat him. Btw, wtf is wrong with you guys. If you don't like the jokes gtfo, if you do just read them again and again and again or watever. Thats why the internet sux. No creativity, nothing. Go get a life, all of you.

Fuck you all

Wow, these are as funny as the regular jokes!!

btw.... nice math skills, top 10 anti chuck jokes list goes to 11 :\ god love sites made by 12 year olds.

I'm not a big fan of Chuck, but heres what I got to say :

You did copy the chuck norris facts, you could have make them atleast better by abit, even if they're anti chuck, doesn't mean they can't be good. if you want this to be funny, so yeah you can copy, but atleast make them good. im not a hater of this site or anything, but come up with alittle better stuff, not so retarted O_O


i gotta say some of these jokes are funny but still you guys don't have to go around like a bunch of pissed off fan girls ruining haters fun and haters don't go around like christian moms getting pissed at chuck i mean the guy is like what 60 years old i bet if he where around 30 only bruce lee would be able to beat him, because for what i have heard the chuck of the past was a beast at fighting.

hey guys its chuck i found ur site and i appreciate you guys defendin me and all but everybody is entitled to free speech and having there own opinion so please stop arguing and come over to my place and get on your knees if you want something to do haha or i could take it in the ass haha fuck chuck!!

I don't know which to be more offended by: the idea that people are getting their panties in a bunch over a few jokes, or that people are slandering the Nazi name.

Granted that what the Nazi's did wasn't perhaps the best plan to take. But they were a well organized, well educated military-based regime.

However, the reason I post is for one thing. Cursing doesn't enhance your sentence, by any means. It makes you dull and your repetition of earlier comments makes you look almost... sheep like. Post after post, I read "U FAGGOT, SUCK CHUCK NORRIS DICK N DIE" And while there are many grammatical errors in this, I will simply point out that to hate something so.... meaningless as a joke to such extremes..... It's heartbreaking because most of these are tomorrow's scientists and teacher..... If any of them manage to make it passed high school.

I will say one thing, and let it be the last thing said about memes and popularity. "Build it, and haters will come."

hey guess what!.....ur a fag haha tryin to sound educated and shit fuck ur pussy fool ill beat ur SAT scores any day haha fuck chuck

When there is lightning at night, Chuck Norris lies in his bed clutching his cabbage patch kid and sucking his thumb and hoping his urine will dry before morning.

Chuck Norris can shoot a mosquito in left testicle from a mile away.

u said that to me last night when u were slobbin on my cack haha chucks a fag haha

these are all stupid

These jokes are dumb and I like chuck Norris

Lol whoever made these facts basically used actually Chuck Norris facts, and morphed them so that the point of the fact is opposite of the truth.

The verdict: you are uncreative.

You're just kinda offonsive cos in the majority of the jokes you either slate his sexuallity or the size of his dick...
I mean dont get me wrong the other ones are quite funny but aren't you just kinda going overboard?

Lol this shit is great! I love Chuck Norris jokes too, but watching all these 10-year olds who think they even know who Chuck Norris is get mad is even funnier.

Kudos to the maker of this for pissing off some immature assholes. :)

fuck your asses around.........bhen chod

you know im jsut getting a good laugh at the comments.

I'm Chuck's friend and you better leave him the hell alone.Chuck is a good dude and he's really cares about people which obviously you don't.Even though I'm a dwarf... I could kick your ass so shut-up and leave Chuck alone.

Ok mister chucks friend, what are you doing looking up anti-chuck facts? In fact, why is any chuck norris lover looking up anti-chuck facts?

Chuck Norris could strangle your ass with a cordless phone.

And here i thought this might be funny.

Chuck Norris is just a 70 years old mortal
and it is only a mortal like everyone else
that's all.

I'm a fan and an anti-fan. These comments are retardingly funny. I appreciate you people trying to stop it, but seriously, think about it, you're looking forward to see if some 40 year old dude who hates Chuck Norris will back down and say "Well, I think you win this argument." Pretty stupid. G'bye now.

like really you are only makeing this jokes bc of the leavel of awsomeness chuck is. you are just upset bc no on likes your jokes and chuck norris raped you so fuck you

Ok Chuck Noriis isn't god but why you have to be trollin on him, if some of us want to have good humor, then reading these jokes that seriously even my Grandma won't laugh at, why do it. i get a good laugh out of hearing chuck height talk then this shit. and for everyone who can explain getting penis raped so clearly then serious make a gay porno cause. i don't think chuck Norris would be gay seriously he married. unless someone can bring real proof, not online shit i mean real shit to the table, then i will believe you, until then, Chuck Norris down talk is so stupid and unfunny. It's like watching 2 girls one cup, i was like wow these comments are just down talk about how awsome Chuck Norris is.

There is no "Anti" in Chuck Norris, you have all been fooled, this website was made by Chuck Norris. I am Chuck Norris, this is a test, you have failed. I WILL GET YOU. I will not hunt you, I will kill you. I hunt with the pristine guarantee that you will be caught and brutishly raped-and-skinned. This is called killing. I am the greatest killer, when you hear the trees rustle in the night -just remember, it's an indication that I have jumped from your garden to the roof above your bedroom... and I taught Nightcrawler how to go through walls... =)

ha chuck would never do this =) your a fake

this site is a fail!


...after reading all those damn hilarious jokes...the comments people leave that try to insult this article just make them selves look fucking this one
"Fuck u u fucking faggot u suck youre mommas nipples you gay sack of shit,incest product. By Anonymous".....
...i mean WTF? LOL....u suck your mommas nipples? then he calls the author gay? lets just hope he knows that children come from not from his gay adoptive parents...cause apparently he either has gay and straight confused or his momma has a dirty surprise in "her" panties...

Ultimate Failure! Maybe could get away with it if it was a Carrot Top joke but with Chuck Norris? Seriously? Come on!

I find it funny how there is 11 "Jokes" in the top 10 section. Goes to show JUST how smart these people are.

So much funnier than the actual Chuck Norris jokes, which are for tards who don't realize what an epic fail Chuck Norris is.

i agree


There is no "Anti" in Chuck Norris, you have all been fooled, this website was made by Chuck Norris. I am Chuck Norris, this is a test, you have failed. I WILL GET YOU. I will not hunt you, I will kill you. I hunt with the pristine guarantee that you will be caught and brutishly raped-and-skinned. This is called killing. I am the greatest killer, when you hear the trees rustle in the night -just remember, I have jumped from your garden fence to the roof above your bedroom... and I taught the Nightcrawler how to sift through walls...

you ae a imposter

p.s same guy who called you inposter in other commenet
p.s.s i know i spelled it rong


how dare u mock the awesome all mighty chuck norris..i think ur scared..dont go 2 sleep 2nite cuz chuck is coming for u..and he will kill u...whoever made this site is a cock juggling thunder cunt


Crazy creep, let him have fun

hahahaahahah i love so all you idiots should shut up cause anti chuck rules all this m gona kick your *** junk is really stupid so **** chuck and ha i rymed and speeled that worng on pourpouse same with that

first of all ....all you chuck norris haters need a dildo up ur asses .....chuck norris is god and ya'll will be cursed for hating him!!!!

chuck really sucks you idiots espesically the one above me and the one above that is mine
so f you chuck

Chuck Norris is kind of lame. Chuck Norris jokes, people who tell Chuck Norris jokes, and people who hold Chuck Norris in high esteem are a plague on our society.

But your humor writing is just fucking terrible.

i agree

Can you people stop commeting?
For some reason i receive a freagin mail everytime someone comments. Most of people see chuck norris as a god, but those who don't, let those freagin kids alone, cause they wont stop sucking his cock. Well, that's it.

this is sooooo corny -_-
wait till chucktomus prime sees this

Chuck Norris doesn't sell his soul to the Devil, the Devil sells his to Chuck Norris.

should say enough..

this is funny as hell.

Steven Seagal deserved to have these jokes written about him in the first place more than Chuck Norris.

I love Chuck Norris and still wach his movies. My grown children watch Chuck Norris and so do their families. Yay Chuck Norris!

YO WILL ALL PAY FOR YOUR INSOLENCE THE END IS NEAR AND YOU MY FRIENDS SHALL DIE IN A FIREY ROUND-HOUSE KICK OF DEATH AND ...FIRE!!!! no but seriously guys im not gonna bash on u or anything im just sayin can yall atleast TRY to find some better jokes cause i like Chuck Norris i dont care that yall dont buyt if your gonna make fun of him do it right i mean "Chuck Norris has seen more cock than a KFC urinal." that was just terrible come on.

Finaly someone actualy stood up against the noobs that worship Chuck Norris. But still, people who makes "Facts" (Normal or Anti) about a human being who has, to my knowledge, NOT done anything special is just retarded and they should get a life of theire own,instead of trying to give some loser the state of God, while another group tries to bring him down.

who ever made this list has a tiny penis and is fat with a double chin.

You shouldn't talk about your mother like that!

These are actually pretty funny, since there are alot of Chuck Norris jokes/facts, these are a nice change.

Meh. I'm not Norris, or Anti-Norris, but these arn't exactly the funniest ones i've ever seen :/

WHat the fucking hell you asshole,chuck norris KICKS YOUR MOTHERFUCKING ASS,..And dont forget it.


Stop hack the program!!!