Texting Tips from the GOAT
My response time is immediate. Sometimes I respond to texts before I even get them.
Tag: Writing
People Quit Liking Me as Soon as I Started Studying for the GRE Verbal Section
You might guess that my embryonic study schedule has engendered absconsion from social connections, but let me disabuse you of this insipid notion.
Censorship Is Preventing Me from Publishing My Novel “Rat Sex in Outer Space”
Brave ideas drowned in a sea of silence. That’s a direct quote from "Rat Sex in Outer Space" and it applies here.
Whatever Happened to That Kid Who Jumped Over the Candlestick?
My parents whisked me into showbiz after the nursery rhyme was published. Birthday candles, campfires, firecrackers... I jumped over it all.
Help! How Do I Fix the Question Mark Button on My KeyboardÉ
I mean, how am I supposed to ask Jillian how her pregnancy is coming alongÉ And answering knock-knock jokes is now completely out of the question.
Andrei Platonov’s “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer”
“We must hide his nonconformity,” said Donner as he rubbed his son’s nose with mud. “Pa, I don’t want to!” “Just endure, Rudolph.”
My Netflix Fireplace Series Spec Script
The tension from the end of the last film has not gone away, things are getting more tense between the logs as the fire continues to rage.
I’m the Pencil Sharpener in Your Classroom and I’m Here to Wear You and Your Pencil Down Until There Is Nothing Left
How'd you do this time? That looks marvelous! Oh, would you look at that: the lead just fell out. How does that even happen?
Pride and Prejudice and COVID
Netherfield is taken by a Mr. Bingley, a young man of large fortune; that he fled from Texas’ COVID surge in his Tesla Model X.
I Just Found Out I’m a Lesbian and Boy Am I Surprised
I mean, if my life were a novel, this would be terrible writing. The reader would be flipping back, looking for pages they must have skipped.
Hate Yourself and Your Work? Here’s a Time-Management Strategy You’ll Go Crazy For!
Set your timer for 15 minutes and promptly CRY INTO A PILLOW AND LET THE TEARS OF FAILURE FLOW LIKE THE RIVER NILE.
The Great American Yelp Review: Ernest Hemingway’s “The Sun Also Rises”
In one of his more difficult passages, Hemingway suggests that the combination of alcohol and music can result in a fine evening.