The combination of instant gratification and illusion of power is what makes Fantasy Football the cyber-Viagra that it is. You are the coach, the GM, and the cheerleader.
The Padres have developed a bit of a reputation as the "loser squad," and I wish I could say it's not deserved, but you boys are absolutely pathetic at baseball.
Whiny, self-involved fans complain that new NFL rule changes make the game "not as fun anymore." Yeah, and we all used to LOVE smoking on airplanes too.
Lance Armstrong is a an egotistical, hypocritical, lying, cheating, criminal, douchebag, drug addict... who also raised money for cancer.
What you need: one drink per person, one hurricane cocktail for every table, and residual enthusiasm from when you initially learned Tom Brady wasn't in the Super Bowl.
Talking about football on television gets Chris Berman so steamy under the collar that it makes you wonder just what he was up to during the commercial break.
Having little experience and less aptitude, parents are always firing baseball pointers from the stands during a showdown between two groups of mediocre 11- to 12-year-olds.
Everything about a classic bowling alley screams "unchanged." The decor is 70's, the musty smoke and shoe odor still penetrates, and the food worse than you could imagine.
For years Muhammad Ali was challenged by the elusive simile. He was plagued by its power, unable to express his unorthodox fighting style with poignant, poetic beauty.
What if the NFL took the plunge and tried to be a tenth as interesting and intelligent as professional wrestling? This is what it would look like.
Congratulations, of all 32 NFL teams, you decided to cheer for the Oakland Raiders! As a long-time Raiders fan, I've created this guide to help accelerate your assimilation into the Raider Nation.
Imagine how stupid you would look if you fell on the ground flailing and crying, accusing a guy 20 meters away from you of foul play. The same goes for sex.