Our Friendship Has Been One Long, Intricate Plot to Get You to Subscribe to My Newsletter
I met you at a time of great need in my life. That need? More readers for my newsletter where I rank pizza shops based on taste, texture, and sauce ratio.
Tag: Satire
Please Buy This Mirror from Me
The blurry apparition behind me in the last shot is definitely not the ghost of my great x 10 grandfather, just a smudge on my camera.
A Friendly Reminder That We Still Have Your Son Held for Ransom
We appreciate you're probably busy. And trust us, we're normally never this needy in ransoms.
Psych 3000: The Psychology of Nihilistic Anger
In Unit 2, we will delve into how I’m sick of your stupid shit too, and pretty please fuck off (and thank you).
I Have No Professional Skills So I’m Applying to Be an LA Meteorologist
I’ve workshopped names like Gale Force, Itsa Scorcher, Summer Day, or if you just want to throw all subtlety out the window, Cloud Precipitation.
This Fall, I’m Going Balls to the Wall with Flannel
The ER doctor at San Diego General Hospital claimed my vision was a fever dream induced by sleeping in a flannel thermal jacket.
Stop Your Spiders Getting Chilly with Octo-Cozy™ Technology
My own spider (Cecil) was like the son I never had. Actually, I have a human son, but he's been quite a disappointment to me.
A Preflight Safety Lecture in the Not-So-Distant Future
Non-stop service from Dunkin Brands/Boston International Airport to Paramount++ Presents The Mummy VI/Hollywood Burbank Airport.
I’m Furious That My Soul-Crushing Novel Isn’t a Bestseller
But after all my sacrifice, my masterpiece sold only sixty-three copies, fifty of which I pawned my furniture to buy.
Your Password Has Been Leaked (But It’s Chill)
Definitely cringe, but as a tech startup that is not part of the Federal Reserve System, we’re kind of impressed. Seriously, this hack was lit.
If the Pandemic Gave Workers More Leverage, Why Did My Boss Scream at Me for Printing Out Hundreds of Pictures of Mewtwo?
Much like the novel Coronavirus, there is something deeply disturbing about Mewtwo.
HR’s Response to the Always Be Closing Speech from “Glengarry Glen Ross”
Always Be Conscious of your employee’s emotional state before saying anything that might be construed as offensive or unnecessarily ruthless.