I Am Your Side Part, and I Am Here to Stay, Bitch
You’re such a hypocrite, standing by your skinny jeans but not me! How have you been in therapy this long and still care what the mean girls are saying?
Tag: Satire
This Moving Half-Time Speech Failed to Inspire a High School Football Team Just Because They Saw Their Coach Kick a Dog Through the Goalpost Before the Game
First off, I didn’t know anybody was watching. And never in a million years would I have guessed that the penalty would be the loss of one hundred points for our team.
Autopsy Report – Cause of Death: Toxic Masculinity
Abrasions and trace amounts of stucco on knuckles indicate he had punched a wall in the last 8 hours.
It’s Enrollment Time Again and Our Revised Health Insurance Plan Avoids Confusion by Not Paying for Anything
This year, those in last year’s Rhea Gold Plus Silver Less Pro will, for example, be in the Mango Outie plan that has colossally different benefits.
You’re Just Twelve Clicks Away from Finding Out Why Those Air-Raid Sirens Are Going Off
Now would be a good time to use the restroom. You should also gather your family and pets and turn off any stove burners.
Are You an Actor Starring in a Pickup Truck Commercial or a Suburbanite Driving a Truck in Real Life?
1. Did you shave today? A. No. I possess the miraculous ability to always maintain four-day stubble. B. Yes. It’s expected at the accounting firm.
Welcome to Your New Dorm, Deathtrap Hall
The mattresses, made of an experimental polymer developed by accident in our Food Science Lab, are virtually indestructible.
If This Is a Scam Email, Why Am I Running for Congress as a Democrat?
FirstName, I am appalled at how my Republican opponent, Landsley Thornbeck, has been representing Name of State.
Employees, Use These Tips When Answering Questions About the Global Supply Chain
Ordering things online and choosing in-store pickup rips an irreparable hole in space-time. The two cannot co-exist.
So Your Mom’s Dating Pete Davidson
Q: Do I have to call Pete Davidson "Dad"? A: No one will ever replace your biological father, but Pete Davidson will be around to keep your mom company.
After Yet Another Workplace Accident, NASA Is Banning the Following Basketball Moves
Projections show that if the current situation is allowed to continue without intervention, the vibes at NASA could reach weird levels.
And I Looked, and Behold! A Pale McRib
A demon with the head of a hamburger and the sash of an alderman materialized in my backseat. Flaps of hormone-infused beef formed his accursed lips.