Simile Toast Crunch, The Greatest Cereal on Earth
This is the greatest cereal I've ever eaten. It's crunchy yet smooth; bitter yet sweet. This cereal is like the Civil Rights movement poured into a bowl.
Tag: Satire
A Public Service Announcement for the Awareness of Unicorns
What if unicorns ran the world? Could such a wondrous time exist? Would they allow regular horses to stay? I'm sure you ask yourself this every day. I know I do.
A Taste of Hershey Highway
All my years of watching porn and Animal Planet finally paid off as I combined these ideas into one magical symphony of sex. And I bet you want details about how I pulled this shit off 'cause like me, you are a bunch of sick fucks.
My Starbucks Employment Application
We at Starbucks take coffee very seriously, dating it for six months before we even consider making a breast move. If you would not sell your own mother into white slavery for a good espresso, please just go apply at Tully’s.
Sorry I Shot You in the Ovaries
I really, really feel bad about the fact that I destroyed your reproductive system like that. I wish I could make it up to you. You could take my child, if you promise to assume full legal responsibility for it. And feed it.
My Live Blog of a Night at the Frats
Oh my God, I'm walking to frat row. I thought we were being ironic! I was being sarcastic when I said that I wanted to 'get my pong on.' I don't talk like that!
It’s Not Me, It’s You
<p>It's not you, it's me. Just kidding, it's you. You've been holding me back. I have inspirations, I have dreams! There are so many insights that I can't achieve with you in my life—like having sex with all the Playboy Bunnies. It's not that you're holding me back; it's that with you present in my life I can't do anything. It'll be easier without you. I have to do things on my own
Half-Baked Relationship Advice
'A Totally Non-Fiction Sketch That Has Never Happened to Me, Ever.' Drew meets his friends Carly and Sam for some advice about a girl he has a crush on. What he doesn't know is that they got really high beforehand.
Help, I’ve Broken the Glass Ceiling!
911 OPERATOR: Ma'am, did you mean you literally broken a glass ceiling or you metaphorically broke “the glass ceiling” by becoming a woman in power?
An Open Letter from God
Dear Humans, If you wouldn’t mind, could you please do me one favor: Stop yelling my name during sex. At first it was kind of flattering, but now it’s just ridiculous, and completely distracting.
Entire Rainbow Set to Go Green
Don't look now, but the next time you see a rainbow, it may have gone Green. Riding record profits and a revamped public image, Green has announced a takeover bid.
Dracula Runs for County Judge, District 3
A county judge has to use his intellect and sense of decency and fairness to decide important issues facing people's destinies. That's why I have decided to run for this judgeship.