Strong Female Leads I Could Absolutely Destroy at Arm Wrestling
Critics and moviegoers alike were enamored by Amy Adams’s "Arrival," but Amy should be fearing my arrival should she agree to face off arm vs. arm.
Tag: Satire
Highlights of the First 10 Days of a Miraculous Marianne Williamson Presidency
President Williamson announces her first Executive Order to great fanfare, enforcing a mandatory 15 minutes of daily mindfulness for every American.
Junior Level Wonka.com Hacker Secrets Revealed
I wasn’t ever good enough to win a high score, but I found my satisfaction in changing these poor kids’ passwords so they could never log in and play.
Prescriptions for Thy Modern Maladies From Me, A Plague Doctor
Phone Addiction: In the pocket where ye usually keep your phone, keep instead a hairy, spindle-shanked, venomous spider. Incur bites until cured.
The Unique Horror of Tim Ryan
Stand there waiting, hoping, an impossible, misplaced hope, that the moderators will not think to call on him.
Sorry, Your Fire Insurance Doesn’t Cover Fire Damage
I empathetically understand why you think your house burned down, but technically it was destroyed and not “burned down.” This difference does matter.
Your Aunty Linda’s a Creative Now, Too
I order Café Olés now in neighboring towns (to get away from all the darn-doodlin’ neighbors clouding my rediscovered creative energy!)
10 Under “This Many”: Meet the Toddlers Who are Crushing Cannes
Mabel has seen it all. She started in shapes, but quickly moved onto colors before being promoted to Creative Director within a year.
Scavenger Hunt: New Kids on the Block Mixtape Tour with Very Special Guests Salt-N-Pepa, Tiffany, Debbie Gibson, and Naughty by Nature LIVE at Boston’s TD Garden Edition
Someone wearing acid wash jeans or an acid wash denim mini skirt and a Tufts sweatshirt --- 20 points, Those Reeboks with the Velcro --- 25 points
The Apple Store Customer Satisfaction Survey
We weren’t even at the Genius Bar, and he mispronounced my common name, saying it over and over again, unaware that this meant I was being summoned.
Updates From Your Facebook Group “Here’s To Your Health Anxiety”
After extensive testing of my symptoms by repeated Googling for “huge lumps neck cancer dying,” I’ve been self-diagnosed with a very rare tumor.
I Am an ICE Guard and I Sleep Very Well Through My Night Terrors, Thank You
Knowing that I did my part to separate a four-year-old from his mother with no plan or intent to reunite them, I can nod off shortly after vomiting.