Satire | Page 186 | Points in Case

Tag: Satire

“It’s been a long time since I burst into tears because a publishing house didn’t get its jacket copy before deadline.”

Oh cool...he’s lurking that model’s Instagram again. You do know I can summon the full works of Shakespeare, right?

No one else in this house has to be a Morning Person other than the Wake-Up Fairy! Isn’t that great? And now it’s time to get ready for school.

Have any special skills? Call those “in your wheelhouse”--it shows you love baseball but are also serious. Don't have special skills? Doesn’t matter.

Just touching base with you on this month’s miracles. As you know, miracles are one of our key performance indicators this quarter.

I present to you The Chef Boyardee Fuckayous, a meal that speaks for many immigrants (like myself) who are being deported from the United States.

And when I turned to find you, you were gone. How is that even possible? How could I fail to notice your location or distinguishing features?

These Mason jars today---all they do is hang around waiting for some kid to go on Pinterest and search “rustic chic wedding.”

Surely you can tell by the creases under my eyes and the lingering scent of nitroglycerin that I’ve had a rough one.

Based out of our offices located inside the spire of One World Trade Center, and we’d love to work with YOU (until the next round of layoffs).

They were the ones tasked with Edward Scissorhanding the bushes on the hill that greeted you.

Yes, as of last Tuesday when Giselle dumped me, I decided to become a candidate too.