Ok, ciao, diary. I bet Prince-Whatever-The-Fuck-His-Name, with his funny little Prince accent doesn't even know about “ciao.” That’s Hollywood, baby.
I have reduced stress by limiting my mental breakdown to three times a week. You would never guess that I've stress vomited in every campus bathroom!
I aim to run this Kingdom in a way that would have pleased Thomas Aquinas, right down to the tonsured haircut that I require all staff to adopt.
Was Being Transported to King Arthur’s Court and Charged With Saving Camelot Really the Best Way to Learn Self-Confidence or Whatever?
Couldn't you just sit me down and teach me whatever lesson it is you're going for like a normal wizard mentor? Without the near-fatal experiences?
Stan Lee’s Cameo in My Life as My Dad Has Officially Gone From “Kind of Endearing” to “Where is the Film Crew Hiding?”
The man who started out in a brief cameo appearance has quickly become a series regular in my life, and things are getting weird.
It should have been easy—they're basically small, furry cows devoid of complex needs or even souls. What I could not foresee was rebellion.
Expensive these days, having kids and taking care of them. It's hard for parents out there without easy access to affordable child pageants.
The kids seem to want a chemistry kit, an iPhone, and a Kylie Jenner lip-gloss contraption. Santa will be furious with their capitalistic greed.
If I'm being totally honest, I would say for youuuuu that this new blush we have called "You're An Embarrassment" would be perfect.
By setting such an unattainable standard for human behavior and existence, Chick-fil-A workers reveal just how miserably inferior the rest of us are.
You shall witness a heart shape on the monitor, surrounding you and your beloved. And you shall kiss. For I have commanded it.
I stay up nights worried that my boys will not strive to be anything more than the chairman of the board of directors for a Fortune 500 trans-Atlantic conglomerate.