How I Imagine It Is to Be Rich
You always sort from "Most to Least" expensive when online shopping. When your heat goes out, you cuddle with your butler for warmth.
Tag: Royalty
We Can’t Marry Prince Harry Anymore, But We Can Be Princesses in Other Ways
Princesses are always getting smooched and we can get kisses, too! And hey, if we're going through a dry spell, a frog's not the worst option.
My Ex-Wife Married The Prince of England
Ok, ciao, diary. I bet Prince-Whatever-The-Fuck-His-Name, with his funny little Prince accent doesn't even know about “ciao.” That’s Hollywood, baby.
Dear Honorable Lord Hiring Manager, With Love and Respect
I have reduced stress by limiting my mental breakdown to three times a week. You would never guess that I've stress vomited in every campus bathroom!
Furniture King Supports Your Boycott
I aim to run this Kingdom in a way that would have pleased Thomas Aquinas, right down to the tonsured haircut that I require all staff to adopt.
Was Being Transported to King Arthur’s Court and Charged With Saving Camelot Really the Best Way to Learn Self-Confidence or Whatever?
Couldn't you just sit me down and teach me whatever lesson it is you're going for like a normal wizard mentor? Without the near-fatal experiences?
Stan Lee’s Cameo in My Life as My Dad Has Officially Gone From “Kind of Endearing” to “Where is the Film Crew Hiding?”
The man who started out in a brief cameo appearance has quickly become a series regular in my life, and things are getting weird.
Mistakes I Made Babysitting My Girlfriend’s Guinea Pigs
It should have been easy—they're basically small, furry cows devoid of complex needs or even souls. What I could not foresee was rebellion.
Parents Need Better Access to Affordable Child Pageants
Expensive these days, having kids and taking care of them. It's hard for parents out there without easy access to affordable child pageants.
Elf on the Shelf Captain’s Log
The kids seem to want a chemistry kit, an iPhone, and a Kylie Jenner lip-gloss contraption. Santa will be furious with their capitalistic greed.
Welcome to Sephora, We Invented Faces
If I'm being totally honest, I would say for youuuuu that this new blush we have called "You're An Embarrassment" would be perfect.
How Would You Rate Yourself as a Person From One to Chick-fil-A Employee?
By setting such an unattainable standard for human behavior and existence, Chick-fil-A workers reveal just how miserably inferior the rest of us are.