8 Things You Should Never Say on a First Date
Negative and disgusting things you should save until at least the second date, if you're lucky enough to get that far.
Tag: Relationships
We Have Created a Computer That Can Feel Love, But Unfortunately It Sucks at Chess
When we look at Campbell's emotionally advanced AI, all we see is a faulty machine with a short attention span that never brings its knights out.
Do Not Buy a Star for Your Wife on Mother’s Day
If you do purchase a star on Star Registry for your wife, don’t tell her you named it Cougar15 because she's a cougar and you’ve been married for 15 years.
An Open Letter to the Adult Man in Target Who Decided He Didn’t Want Keebler’s Coconut Dreams
As I picked up the box of cookies, I imagined a world where everyone thought it was okay to leave items they didn’t want anymore wherever they please.
I Can’t Have Communication Issues, I Majored in Communications
I have communication issues? That's funny because in the eyes of the University of Illinois School of Communications, I am a master of communication.
Strategies to Cure Your Partner’s Insomnia
Some can't sleep well if their partner can’t decide whether to be the big spoon, or the little spoon, or maybe to just not touch you at all.
If Amazon and the Postal Service Were Two Teenage Boys in Forbidden Love
trump: jeff if you hang up on me i will have to talk directly to your— (jeff bezos hangs up)
I Cut My Tongue Licking a Chobani Lid Again
Okay, I know there’s “a lot” of blood. Yes, I know it’s all over the wool carpeting we had installed last week.
I’ll Be Back to Fix Our Marriage After This 72-Hour “Fortnite” Session
Fortnite has taught me that silence is an effective strategy. And my new best bros, FragStewie_247 and BonerTauntz agree.
Shakespeare Final Exam Written By an English Professor in the Middle of a Raging Divorce
2. How does Iago describe jealousy? "The green-eyed monster" or "Our neighbor Brad's stupid, big muscles?"
Field Notes from the Archaeological Dig of Your Boyfriend Jake’s Instagram
I speculate that these images date back to the early 2010s, based on the woman’s dramatic side bangs and orange tribal body painting.
Honest Rules for Staying at Grandma’s House
Good manners are expected at all times. That means always saying “please,” “thank you,” and “our mother made a terrible mistake not baptizing us.”