Editors’ Picks | Page 14

Tag: Editors’ Picks

I was born here and I’ll die here and so will 500 of my brothers and sisters. You moved to New York City to go to NYU and major in bisexuality.

I’m dead (claw machine accident, I’m sure it was in the papers) and now that I’ve spent enough time floating around, I’m ready to respond.

It’s the very best thing I’ve ever written. Or, it’s the worst book ever typed into existence. Which one it is, I can’t say for sure.

When you cupped me in your hands and held me up to the light, I thought, “Okay, geologist!” I was excited to go home with you.

Allowing us to sell your data helps us serve you ads relevant to your interests. Also, the orb is ravenous.

That’s right, I’d be afraid if I were you too. Afraid of having my actions held up to intellectually rigorous ethical scrutiny!

★★ I’ve never seen a movie with so much dancing that’s not a musical. I’m so glad Six Flags isn’t a real place.

Your mama’s so broke she doesn’t even make cents! Which is a shame because she’s worked hard for everything in this life.

That’s great, Sylvia. I’ll just make a note of that for my records. Do you mind if I change the subject while we wait for our server to arrive?

YOU FORGOT MOM’S BIRTHDAY! IT’S TODAY! BUY HER A PRESENT HERE NOW!

Faerie Lights: For when you’re watching "Garden State" with him for the first time.

I don't want to be bad, but I will if I have to. Wait, scratch that. I actually LOVE being bad. And guess what? To me? Being bad feels GOOD.