I Had My Face Torn Off By a Bear and Lived to Write This Op-Ed About Vaccination
I know I certainly didn't fight my way through twelve miles of wilderness with no face to allow big government to turn all of our kids autistic.
I know I certainly didn't fight my way through twelve miles of wilderness with no face to allow big government to turn all of our kids autistic.
It’s part of a system called “Symbiotic Habitation via Environmental Design,” or SHED. It’s also called SHED because it’s basically just a shed.
“You should smile more” --- To remedy my resting bitch face, I am going to pull my lips apart with duct tape so that I will have a permanent smile.
"Fyre Fight": An anticipatory look back at the time-wasting Fyre Fest content wars of 2019.
“I’m not racist,” I say, laughing. “The first guy who sexually assaulted me was white.”
I’m sorry I climbed a utility pole outside during halftime to hang a handmade flag with my team’s logo.
9:07 PM: You wonder if you were actually the one who made the comment about the band name and have been replaced by an Adam Levine. You’re not sure.
We simply weren’t burning enough calories. That’s why we swapped it out for High Intensity Forever Training (HIFT).
Did I mention my mom only gave me a hundred bucks in spending cash? She might as well have handed me Monopoly money. That’s just bad planning.
He just pretended to make a phone call where he was trying to return a Blockbuster VHS, for twenty minutes. My girlfriend was laughing so hard.
3) What did you get Aunt Peggy for Christmas? a. A big box of steering clear. b. Well, she would have wanted me to get myself something nice.
The Musician: This Jason Mraz-wannabe thought this mic was for music, but ended up in a cafe full of comedians and stuck it out for some reason.