Oh, is turkey a Thanksgiving item too? I guess I never really noticed, until now. Sure, maybe just go ahead and don’t make that one either.
A Chimp-Bather Among Us: This two-part documentary series suggests that on May 7, 2014, I stripped naked and scrubbed myself along with the chimps.
Observation: Heart palpitations, shortness of breath, chest discomfort, numb left arm. Hypothesis: I'm having a heart attack and I will die soon.
I started out as just an idealistic kid with nothing more than ambition, determination, and the portfolio of Fortune 500 clients my father gave me.
I’m Not an Out-Of-Touch Billionaire Politician, I Interact with Young People Every Day When I Feast on Their Souls for Energy
I literally feel their struggles, taste their fears, and nibble their dreams as the virile light in their eyes becomes my own.
I’m not actually Chinese but, as Chinese is the official language of all of Asia and being Asian, means I’m Chinese. I see you are quite cultured, sir.
TIME Magazine once called Dr. Krunth, “a man mad enough to think himself a God while doing the work of the Devil.” All summer I would call him “boss.”
Dear Stable Genius, do reach out to this Nancy. A handwritten note of apology on stationery is a lovely gesture that will surely smooth things over.
Any path, regardless of magic type, has one result?---social isolation and perverse obsession with colorful vests.
You know what it looks like. It’s the same tank top I wear every time we get together to defeat an age-old evil or combat a monstrous hellion.
I cannot forgive you for making me spend what would have been my final year at Hogwarts shitting in the woods.
Leonardo DiCaprio Quote or the Last Thing I Said Before Getting Slapped in the Face By My Good-Time Gal at Lover’s Lane
When a role for a young guy is being offered to me, I think of River Phoenix. It feels like a loss.