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Tag: Houses

- Several Loose Flashlights - One Omni-Seasonal Jack-O-Lantern

You ever pick up a felled tree in the woods? Of course you haven’t! That sucker probably weighs 500 pounds! That’s the stuff I’m made of, baby.

Now when you pop your bones from their sockets so you can scuttle across the floor like a spider, you will be met with clapping instead of screaming.

“Unless you’ve got millions in the bank, any form of routine maintenance is downright unaffordable.”

Make entering your Airbnb a confrontational experience. Rude, even.

Everyone in the house could be pissing at the exact same time, which is something you could do if you wanted.

Be tidy. If you have showered in body fluids, towel off before excursions.

"Cozy" -- The smallest possible apartment we could legally claim is inhabitable.

Bob Vila: Nazi Hunter: Bob Vila is back, but he’s done fixing old houses; he’s fixing the errors of the Nuremberg trials.

Not to be a prude, but when you’re loud late at night it keeps me awake when I’m trying to sleep.

At 8 PM on Thursday, my basketball hoop is going to look brand-spanking new. I don’t have to care about your family or your kids.

A 30-Inch Footprint That I Touched and Then Tasted So I Could Begin Tracking Ronald: Without it, I wouldn’t have been able to murmur, “He’s near…”