New Year’s Retribution
Go ahead, make all the New Year's Resolutions you want. In the end you'll just be punished for aiming too high anyway.
Tag: Holidays
Slutty Halloween Costume Theories
A girl's Halloween costume can tell you a lot about how she is in the sack. That should give you plenty more reason to stare.
Your Guide to Christmastime Love
December can be an awfully lonely month if you don't find someone to share all the mushy holiday moments with. Step one, learn to cook.
Poorly Timed Topical Jokes About Christmas Shopping and New Year’s Eve
The days leading up to the 25th provide an eclectic mix of Christmas music and Marilyn Manson's latest hit: "I want to cut off your skin and wear it like a jacket."
How You Spent Christmas Day
Your Christmas might vary between the type of family and amount of unconsciousness, but it probably doesn't get any less depressing.
An Unoriginal New Year’s Resolution Thing
Going to the gym and eating healthy may sound nice in theory, but years of probability show that drinking more is 8 billion times more likely.
Drinking Away Your Summer Vacation
Summer means two things: getting a job and drinking. Not necessarily in that order, but always with adventures involving both.
New Year’s Resolutions, or How to Improve Upon Perfection
What a better year 2005 might be if only you could stop listening to Dashboard and John Mayer and save all your pseudo-whipped friends.
Cupid’s Revenge
Somewhere Cupid is sipping chai lattes laughing at the ridiculous conundrums lovers face on Valentine's Day. Especially 'The Notebook.'
A Christmas Story
Everyone's Christmas break always starts the same, but rarely does it end up this bad. Unless your family's borderline crazy too.
All Twelve Days of Christmas Explained
Your true love sent you what? Ten lords a-leaping? You've got to be kidding. What's next, French hens and pipers piping?? ...Seriously?
Traditional Christmas Wisdom
The wise men might not have approved of a Red Ryder BB gun, but they certainly would have endorsed Jesus vs. Santa on pay-per-view.