>>> Ask Nicole
By staff writer Nicole McKaig
December 18, 2003

Dear Nicole,

I broke up with my boyfriend two weeks ago because he was too clingy. Now it's like he's stalking me. One of my friends even said, “If we find you dead, we'll know who did it.” I'm not actually scared of him at all, but it's getting annoying. What should I do?

Kisha

Dear Kisha,

Even if you're not scared of him, you should take extra precautions to ensure you're safety. Always carry a flashlight and some pepper spray, and try not to go anywhere alone at night. If you do get murdered, remember: don't panic. Just crawl to the nearest phone and call the coroner.

Sincerely,
Nicole

Dear Nicole,

You posted my question last week, and I took your advice and stuck to my principles. My girlfriend gave me an ultimatum to say I loved her, but since she lies and cheats all the time, I couldn’t say it. My friends told me that hooking up would help me move on, but after I’m with a chick I just find myself wishing it was her. I miss her so much, I don’t know if I can move on. Help!

Torn in Tampa

Dear Torn,

In most cases, I’d tell you that’s what you get for taking advice from some random blonde chick on the internet. However, this time I was right, and you were right to stand your ground. As far as moving on, why don’t you take a tip from an ex-boyfriend of mine. He was able to reinvigorate his love life by making his new girlfriend use my shampoo. Aside from being ultra-creepy, and an incontrovertible indication of severe psychogenic disturbance, it’s a great idea.

Sincerely,
Nicole

Dear Nicole,

I have become extremely attracted to my best girl friend. She is pretty much like a sister to me. We have the same group of friends, and we’re all very close. How can I tell her how I feel with out making her feel awkward or weirded out?

Jon

Dear Jon,

Ask one of your friends to find out if she feels the same way about you. If she doesn’t, telling her is a bad idea. Instead, I suggest you mount a charm offensive, wearing down her defenses with sudden, violent onslaughts of irresistible gallantry and seduction. If you decide to ignore my advice and tell her anyway, put her at ease by somehow incorporating a JumbTron.

Sincerely,
Nicole

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