How to Tell If Your Pain Advocacy Group is Actually Run By the Makers of OxyContin
An evening workshop is held in a dark alley by "pain management specialists" in Purdue Pharmaceutical shirts, menacingly brandishing baseball bats.
Tag: Health
Feedback on the “Wild’n’Wholesome” Meal Delivery Service
This week’s tarantula would have proven less challenging if we had found it straight away, rather than four hours later during Tina’s sleepover.
Nice One, Dipshit! You Hurt Your Dentist’s Feelings by Saying Teeth are “Just Okay”
Your dentist is crying in the corner of the room and refusing to finish fixing those busted-up, tic-tac-lookin’ mother effers that you call teeth.
Top Places for Dudes to Cry
Don't cry in a work bathroom---a co-worker or boss might see your shoes, hear you crying, and think you poop too hard.
Guy Fieri Resigns As Mayor of Flavortown
Apparently, my haters think I’m ‘off the hook’ but in a bad way, something I didn’t even know was possible.
Yoga Helped Me Stop Fantasizing About Becoming a Worm and Nesting Inside Jeff’s Ear
VeganBeauty1998 Nation, never stop smiling, even when your mind twists your need for intimacy into reveries about lodging yourself into Jeff's ear.
The Worst Part About Aging is the Awful Birthday Cards
For those of us over 60, cards could say, “Congratulations on outwitting the grim reaper, keep up the good work!”
Oh No, I’m Trapped in a Very Special Episode!
Maybe I should wait for Maisy to realize that anorexia is bad. Maybe I should start a hobby. Maybe I should just crack jokes like usual.
Welcome to Amtrak’s “Quiet Car Chopped All-Stars: Fight Club”
The first rule of Amtrak's "Quiet Car Chopped All-Stars: Fight Club" is: Kindly shut the fuck up about everything. Enjoy bare-knuckle chef combat.
Martha Stewart’s Recipe for the Disappointment in All of Us
Hey ya'll, it's me, Martha Stewart, and I'm here to tell you that even you can can succeed in baking this very simple, very disappointing recipe.
A Pitch for My TV Show “Finding Bigfoot and Also My Biological Parents If We Have Time”
The show aims to capture clear and undoctored footage of Bigfoot. Also, if we run into my biological parents along the way, that'd be pretty neat, too.
Focus On Your Breath, Inhale Deeply, Now Exhale Slowly—Congratulations, You’ve Entered Manual Breathing Mode
Now that you're thinking about your breath every second of every day, your entire life from here on out is just one long yoga class. Congrats!