God | Page 19 | Points in Case

Tag: God

Due to a new Harvard policy, your youngest son is unable to coast in on the coattails of a new building contribution. He ends up attending Reed.

Froot Loops’ Toucan Sam is about as dreamy as tropical birds get. Father McGillicuddy had a much harder time wrapping his brain around this one.

I wasn’t just enjoying, but empathizing with contestants on The Bachelor. I shut it off and recollected my ironic self over a lukewarm Zima.

I know you’re here because you read that Vice article that said our hedge fund is like the Wolf of Wall Street but with actual wolves. That’s true.

[God's pen is paused above the passage where Noah gets all fat and is lying drunk in a tent after surviving the flood.] ANGEL: Water balloon fight?

"Catch” implies the game will be like the original, instead of my better idea for an abstinence-focused game. The slogan should mention doing chores.

Nazeema is currently on her honeymoon in a country that she can't pronounce or point out on a map. I can pronounce, "kiwi."

No, life is something to cherish. All these people who kick empty soda cans and throw pinecones at my face do so with pure intentions, I'm sure.

fast-forward/the perfect storm./America was at conflict with Iran/Iraq/the political situation/between the countries./between good vs. evil.

Your client wants to suck the bone marrow out of your firstborn. What do you do? A. Respectfully ask that he reconsiders.

10:00 A.M: A phone call! Could it be an inteview? No, just those Mormon missionaries you gave your number to during that “Who am I” phase in college.

As a result of that whole "free will" blunder, any direct divine intervention is off the table. We did, however, agree to a compromise arrangement.