Find Top-Rated Live Nativities at Churches in Your Neighborhood With This New Rotten Tomatoes-Style App
Just in time for Christmas, download "A Pilgrim's Weighty Choice" from the App Store and find top-rated, authentic local nativities!
Tag: God
How to Nail Your Next Job Interview Even Though the Return of Xwq, the Celestial Obliviator, is All You Can Think About
Project confident body language, even if your instinctive reaction to the Ashes cementing Xwq's control on your mind is to slouch and fidget.
Why is My Watershed Not Having a Watershed Moment?
Powerful men are being held accountable for their despicable actions in watershed moments, but are we forgetting about true watersheds?
Transcript of Zeus’s Personal Rebranding Meeting to Address Bestiality Concerns
"We want to create a more human Zeus. Relatable, powerful, and, most importantly, someone your worshippers can imagine sleeping with."
How Would You Rate Yourself as a Person From One to Chick-fil-A Employee?
By setting such an unattainable standard for human behavior and existence, Chick-fil-A workers reveal just how miserably inferior the rest of us are.
Hungover Review of a Catholic Mass
I wonder if my indoor sunglasses and the giant jug of orange juice betray my hangover? The glare from Sister Beatrice indicates yes.
Existential Thoughts of a Giant Whose Fingernail is the Resting Place of an Entire Universe
Every day I put off cutting my nail only means that when I inevitably do, the annihilation of whole universes will be that much more substantial.
To Please the Gods, Humans Must Make War Great Again (By Mars, God of War)
The gods of Mount Olympus delight in watching the bloody clashes of human civilization. Seriously, what was that business in Iraq? Wars are for nation DESTROYING!
God Closes So Many Doors Because He Enjoys Watching People Crawl Out of Windows
Why would God deprive us of so many great opportunities, only to subsequently offer us lesser paths to success? Why would He do that? Perhaps there's an easier explanation.
What It’s Like Being a Telemarketer From Hell
From 150 miles under the bandstand of Toms River, NJ, a demon explains what it's like to be a timeshare telemarketer in Hell.
When Our Lord Returns, Here’s How to Recognize Him
Everyone thinks that our Lord wore tattered rags and robes and ancient-day-Crocs because he liked them, but that's actually just what was fashionable back then.
Jesus is an American and I Won’t Hear Otherwise
I will dispel the pseudo-socialist notion that the Messiah is from the same place as Wilmer Valderrama by shout-typing my evidence in your face.