It’s Totally Fine That He Didn’t Text Me Back
Alright, let me check my phone. No response? That’s completely cool. I’ll just play with my dog for a little bit.
Tag: Ghosts
20th Century Gothic Fiction Advertisements
When your body dies, want your mind to stay alive? Sure, you do! With HAUNTED LIVING, LLC implant your ghost in any solid object.
I’m the Ghost of Pythagorus and I Can’t Go to My Light Until You Believe the Earth Is Round
Despite my best efforts to educate the public, the Flat Earth Reddit page has doomed me to roam this very large and very round earth until the end of time.
Hey America, All Your Statues Suck (From the Ghost of Michelangelo)
Did no one in art school for the past two centuries take any notes in their Michelangelo class? They still spend a semester on me, right?
I Visited the Most Haunted Village in England
I climbed in the window of that cottage over there and the lady inside screamed. I don't know why. There were no ghosts in there. I checked.
I’m a 200-Year-Old Ghost and I’m Sick of Your Quarantine Whining
Eternity. Did you catch that? That’s two months times infinity. Let that rattle around in your thick skull for a moment.
Sorry About the Ghost That Interrupted Our Zoom
It wasn’t my intention to shout “HOLY HELL MOTHER OF GOD LEAVE ME BE YOU WICKED BEAST!” as you went over our Planned vs. Actual.
Looking Back at the Campaign of Pete Buttigieg, the Porcelain Doll Possessed by My Late Grandfather’s Spirit
We were thrilled to see that Peepaw had seized the opportunity for a new lease on life, by using the shiny, porcelain figurine "Pete Buttigieg."
An Obituary Writer Attempts to Win His Wife Back
Marilyn Brewster was surrounded by loved ones including her beautiful, perfect daughter Deborah who I could make so happy if she’d return my calls.
I Explain Social Media to the Ghost of My Great-Grandfather
"That resembles nothing of a telephone, and I should know, I once lost a beloved terrier to Alexander Graham Bell in an ill-advised wager."
Sorry Cowards, But Normal Vases Are Cancelled
If I see an unattended Mason jar, you’re goddamn right that I’m filling it with marbles, lemon slices, and a few artistically disheveled wheat stems.
Disappointing: The Groundskeeper Faking the Haunting in the House I Just Inherited to Try to Scare Me Off Is Barely Even Trying
I caught him watching old episodes of Scooby-Doo and scribbling in a notebook. He was mumbling things like, “Oooh, that’s a good one to plagiarize.”