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Tag: Facebook

Cheryl senses my sadness/frustration/anger/anything-cry-worthy-even-if-it’s-just-a-movie and will suddenly be on my doorstep with brownies in hand.

Many of you hare aware of the plumbing issue recently discovered in the sacristy toilet, a situation Father David referred to as “a test of faith.”

You kids have so much in common. He loves dogs, too. He just can’t be in the same room with them. He’s highly allergic. To everything.

I also have a picture of the two of us on my phone so you know exactly how similar we look.

I “loved” your announcement on Facebook, and left a comment about how excited I am for you. > I find your friendship exhausting.

I am the genetic material of two people who cut coupons, enjoy bird watching, and decorate their home with "live, laugh, love!" signs from TJ Maxx.

What’s the bigger crime: abducting a federal worker or letting someone live without riding Apollo’s Chariot, one of the Garden’s 8 coasters?

You sat in silence for 18 minutes after finding out your new barber was from Long Island, voted for Trump, and has amazing ideas for your stand-up.

Security question: What is your maternal grandmother’s first name? We know you paused to remember which side maternal is, you unlearned horse’s ass.

“I’m not racist,” I say, laughing. “The first guy who sexually assaulted me was white.”

"Senior": You’re over 70 and must get your pills organized in that little plastic box with the SMTWTFS lids.

There can be a hundred people in a hundred different rooms and none of them believe in you. Sometimes things just work out like that.