I Am a Giant Asteroid Heading Towards Earth After the Horror Show That Was 2016: Ask Me Anything!
Soon I'll be eliminating all life on Earth, and there's nothing I can do to change course unfortunately. Any questions?
Tag: Death
6 Tips as You Prepare to Die on Your Next American Train Ride
Advice for easing your transition into death after choosing this dark, moody, and occasionally cost-effective alternative transportation.
Our Medication May Kill You, But It’s Not For Sure (Ok, It’s For Sure)
While this medication may be swallowed, it may also be used as a suppository, although after ingestion, please immediately finish your living will.
Grammatical Errors in Suicide Notes That Cost Their Writers All Credibility
We’ve all hit send on an email prematurely without checking for grammar mistakes, but what if it's your last note ever?
10 Fast Food Items That Could End Your Life
A partial list of deadly menu items being added by fast food chains everywhere, as catalogued by the Department of Homeland Security.
6 Death Penalty Methods for Capital Punishment Traditionalists
Whatever happened to boiling people in oil? Or the guillotine, or hot lead, or stoning people? Now you have to go to Saudi Arabia for good old-fashioned executions.
I’m Beginning to Have Second Thoughts About Joining This Apocalyptic Death Cult
There's no one thing that's bugging me about the death cult; it just seems like every few days another annoyance breaches the surface, and they're starting to add up.
Why You Should Decapitate Yourself
Your life will be more frustrating than you could ever imagine. It is endless agony. Decapitation is the only answer. Off with your head.
Death Responds to His Performance Review at Thompson and Griffin Funeral Home
It's not that I don't feel valued here, it's just that I want my value to be more externally expressed. I feel this place has gotten more life-affirming over the years.
Will Your Death Amount to a Joke?
Native Americans believe we have two spirits inside of the same body. Which may explain why my Aunt Carol was such indecisive old bitch.
9 Obituaries That Reinforce Terrible Career Choices
Tiffany "SURPRISE!" Johannasen loved creating internet garbage for tween readers, and counted "melting brains and ruining society" among two of her passions.
29 and Dying
Birthdays used to be milestones I looked forward to; now they’re just reminders of everything I haven’t accomplished, even though I’m 1/3 of the way dead.