My Top 10 Childhood Girl Crushes from 90’s Kids Shows
Witchcraft was sketchy and intimidating to most preschoolers in the 90’s, but I wasn’t a little bitch so it was a huge turn-on to me. That's why Sabrina makes the list.
Tag: Children
Advice for Every Age from 1 to 20 Years Old
<p>With my birthday less than a week away, and as the horrifying age of ** approaches like I would Kevin Bacon (barring the restraining order)... you know, slow at first as I don't want to startle him, but with increasing prowess and Kenny Loggins' "Footloose"<em> </em>playing in the background as I pounce... where was I going with this?
An Oral History of My DIY Children’s Party Venue
Lucas' DIY Children's Playhouse brought children with new ideas together to celebrate their birthdays in an "anything goes" environment, where do-it-yourself culture thrived.
I Accidentally Switched Bodies With My 9-Year-Old Son
There's no real easy way to go about this so I'll just come out and say it: I've switched bodies with my 9-year-old son and I don't know what to do about it.
My Introduction to YMCA Summer Camp and Adult Penises
These were the first adult penises I'd ever seen, and as an 8-year-old, it scared me enough to make me avoid changing in locker rooms for the rest of my life.
Four Tips for Hosting Rosemary’s Baby Shower
Baby shower timing is important. Too late and Rosemary may be dead after the Antichrist rips out of her stomach. Too soon and she'll have no baby bump to sport!
7 Reasons Why Babies are the Worst (from a Mom)
Even though I gave birth to this thing, I still very much dislike babies. Before you consider littering this world with your awful spawn, here's why you'll regret it.
Why the Hell Would You Take Your Children to See Evil Dead?
The first thing you should know about the remake is that it's not a comedy. The second thing you should know is that IT'S NOT FOR CHILDREN, YOU SHITTY PARENTS.
Stop Posting About Your Kids on Facebook, Part 3
I've done my best this year to try and avoid the Facebook narcissism that endlessly infiltrates my news feed, only to find that it is physically impossible, thus Part 3.
The Complete Lunatic’s Guide to Raising a Baby
Babies are the worst. But now you accidentally have one (please say it wasn't on purpose), and I'm here to help you deal with the screaming little poop factory.
How Childbirth Confers Wisdom Upon Mothers
Moms think they know everything, just because they pushed a creature out from between their thighs and stamped a name on it.
Pinkalicious: America’s Favorite Racist Children’s Book
Pinkalicious, Middle America's favorite beady-eyed bitch, is a deceitful, thieving shit. There's a dark undercurrent at work in this supposedly fun-filled kid's book.