My cat was born in hell. She exists solely to antagonize me and if anything ever happened to her I would kill everyone and then kill myself.
3. Make sure to shout, "BIG CATS!" in a fake Southern accent every 47 minutes no matter where you are.
I read an article called “Ten Reasons Why Crying is Good for You” and shed a few tears. For health reasons. I wonder what, exactly, flavonoids are.
How to Tell if Your Boyfriend Is Really Your Boyfriend, Or a Stray Cat That Followed You in from Outside
Does he sleep between 16-20 hours a day? Does he curl up in a cute little ball in a perfect patch of sunlight to catch some ZZZs?
Of course it was beyond disturbing to me, especially at work, as there were litter boxes in all the conference rooms. And nobody seemed to mind.
No matter how sincerely you attempt to connect with them, they seem to live by the philosophy "treat ‘em mean, keep ‘em keen."
Redoing my will tomorrow. I may need your social security number. Don’t text it! / I just watched Get Out. Excellent.
We’ve determined that the situation you’ve described does not qualify as Friendship and maybe you should just get a dog. Or a better vibrator.
We ask that you fill out all forms in pencil for this very reason; your forms are illegible because the ink has run everywhere due to your tears.
I gave him a "you know you're not supposed to do that" look and he replied with a "the assumption of inevitable or primal goodness is a myth" stare.
President Williamson announces her first Executive Order to great fanfare, enforcing a mandatory 15 minutes of daily mindfulness for every American.
Is it really necessary to go through the garbage can? Yes, I see the notes you’ve found. They’re also from my mother.