The State of the Future Address
The year 2005 isn't everything we had hoped for, but with a few tweaks (more steroid use and Iraq war coverage, etc.) it might be a little better.
Tag: America
I Voted in Florida—Sorry About Us
Let me apologize to the rest of the country. If what I experienced is any indication of the way voting is working in this state, then well, we've screwed you again. It's not our fault though.
Why America is Better Than England
We won the war, we drive on the right side of the road, and we could care less about Victoria Beckham. Clearly, the U.S. is better than England.
America Spelled A-W-E-S-O-M-E
There's nothing understated about the way Americans celebrate July 4th. Get out of our way, we've got kegs and we're not afraid to drink them.
Why Canada is Better Than America
If Canada is America's hat, it's the kind that's so big on your head that it swallows your face. Plus, like, Canadian chicks are way hotter.
Super Snooze Day
Hear that? It's the sound of your alarm clock in your memory... the one you turned off an hour ago. Time to get up and vote.
Legalize It (No, Pothead, The Other It)
Thanks, U.S. government, for telling us exactly when and how gambling is not wrong and immoral. Bet that goes for marijuana too, huh?
Look at My Hawaiian Shirt!
It's so cheap, yet so unbelievably sweet! This thing is definitely gonna score me some hot ladies tonight. Nothing says laidback like the Hawaiian!
Immigration Fixation
Immigration is a divided subject, and generalizing an entire race is a border you don't want to cross. Or could one man change your mind?
Cold Weather, Man
Last night, parts of Tampa received below-freezing temperatures. I don't know exactly what this means for us.
Running a Diary in the Freezing Pro Bowl Cold
Whenever I get rare weather and a football game on the same day, I feel I owe it to you to don my Bill Simmons cap and document the day's events.
The Blue and the Gray: Why We Should Re-Declare War on the South
Spring Break in Florida gives way to renewed hatred for everything disgusting and backwards about the South.