Get Someone Out of Your Life By Sending Them Your Screenplay
Persistent Car Salesman: Hi, Jared, it’s me, Buddy (at least that’s the name you call me by). Well… I’ve written a screenplay!
Tag: Dating
I’m the Mosquito Bite You Got at That Outdoor Cinema, and if You Scratch Me I Shall Become More Powerful Than You Can Possibly Imagine
Pride leads to compromise. Compromise leads to shorts. Shorts lead to mosquitos. Mosquitos lead to suffering.
How I Mastered Self-Love by Starting a Secret Affair with Myself
In an instant a few things happened: we locked eyes and both looked away in embarrassment; and I realized it was me.
I’m Dating (a Cup of) Joe and I’ve Never Been Happier!
I don't think any of my boyfriends have had such a positive impact on my life. You know, cup of Joe sends me off to work every day.
How to Get Him to Notice You by Turning into This 1,000 Piece Puzzle of Ancient Greece
Nothing makes a man feel more like a god than putting together a woman’s misshapen pieces and presenting a beautiful picture to post on Instagram.
David Foster Wallace Titles That Describe Times David Foster Wallace Has Been Mansplained to Me
“I was reluctant to try Tinder, too. You never know what weirdos you might find. Anyway, I enjoyed reading my entire dissertation aloud to you."
Horoscopes from Your Mother
As your Venus begins to fade you may be feeling like you're losing control of your life. A man can really help with that.
A Message to All Anti-Vaxxers from an Appreciative Resident in 2320
Measles, schmeasles... which is actually a new form of measles.
I’m a Comma-Natrix, and Your Grammar Has Been Very Naughty
Note my proper use of “whom.” “Whom” is also my safe word.
After Two Years of Emotional Misdirection, I’m Ready to Propose to the Love of My Life
She thinks I forgot what park it was! We walked by it two months ago and she said “Look! Do you remember?” and I said “What?"
Kissing Games: The Playtest Notes
All the kisses started to look the same, and I was kind of bored by the time it was my turn. Could each kiss include progressively more tongue? (Oswald)
The Evolution of Ghosting Over Half a Century
The 1950s: He never calls you again, and you find out from his mom that he got drafted into the Korean War.