An Open Letter to the Receipt I Just Got at CVS That Is Inexplicably the Length of a Goddamn Jump Rope
Would you like your receipt via text, email, or Gordian Knot full of surveys and "Extrabucks" offers you can’t throw away fast enough?
Would you like your receipt via text, email, or Gordian Knot full of surveys and "Extrabucks" offers you can’t throw away fast enough?
We want to extend our deepest gratitude to you for believing in our potato chips. Those other people who didn’t buy our chips can go right to hell.
Feel free to experiment to make sure you have just the right amount of melanin to sell more popcorn or disrupt the humidifier market.
Millennials and Gen Z don’t understand how valuable a sense of camaraderie is, or how important mistress time is.
Immediately reschedule the client-by-client reviews; I like him so much I’m gonna throw up.
In order to save space, your cubicle has been converted into two pyramidicles.
On Wednesday he ate through his employee's 401ks, but he was still hungry.
Was the Sun clean, odor-free, safe, and professional in appearance? How satisfied were you with your wait time for the Sun to set?
I'm a haunting and possessions professional with more than 125 years of experience facilitating jump scares, fever dreams, and thumps in the night.
Good. Don’t click the link. Now, a wild badger climbs through the break room window and makes a beeline for your unguarded computer.
Q: I don't seem to be getting any other emails besides the reply-all thread. Can you fix that? A: Great question! Again, sorry, but no.
Our previous policy of zero in-office hawk attacks has been slightly adjusted to a new policy of many hawk attacks.