All archived funny guides and lists from 2000-2008.
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2008
Hook-Up Translation Guide for Girls by Nancye Mucciarone
Guys say a lot of things they don't exactly mean. Girls, read this and save yourself the trouble of deciphering his most common bullshit lines.
Ten Things You Should Know About Money by Alex Meyers Everyone loves money, but nobody knows what it is. Is it a food? Is it a drink? If so, is it coffee? Here's some of what you need to know.
Movies I'd Like to See… by Caleb McEwen
As Hollywood prepares to have sex with itself and birth another round of formula movies and sequels, here are a few creative twist ideas.
47 Valentine's Day Rules for Guys by Xavier Holland
#16: Don't watch The Notebook. I mean sure, it might help you get the girl, but even you have to draw the line somewhere.
2007
How to Be a PIC Writer by J.B Hour
Around your friends, you're the funniest person in the group, but how do you successfully take that ego to the internet? Take a seat, n00b.
So She Realized You're a Dork by Zachary Atchison
Boy meets girl, girl meets penis, things are going well. But what do you do when girl meets Star Wars collection, and girl goes mild?
The Top 10 Halloween Myths by Kevin Chang
Are black cats really bad luck? Do goths love Halloween as much as their trench coats? The answers may surprise and/or scare you.
Your Mom: Practice Makes Perfect by Pat Francart
Making fun of your mom is still one of the best jokes in the book. But to open her up time after time with success takes planning and skill.
How to Organize Your Buddy List by J.B. Hour
Just because you have 43,000 buddies on your list doesn't mean you can't apply some sort of order to your stalking behavior.
6 Things You Need in Your Dorm Room by Tyler Haggard
Assuming you already have a bed and a desk, here are the next most important things you'll need in your two-person college jail cell.
Roommates You Wish You Could Hate by Paul Frank
Good thing you can't hate what doesn't exist, or your roommate would be in a lot of trouble for things like masturbating to photos of your family.
Idiotic Phone Calls to the University by Nicole Rougeot
Every day is a new adventure in the life of a telephone operator for the university's main phone line. From crazy parents to coddled students.
Guide to Interracial Dating by Xavier Holland
Plan on keeping that Oreo cookie in one piece, or stuffing the burrito with some sour cream? Get ready for some awkward social experiences.
Summer Semester “To-Do” List by J.M. Lucci
The classes are easier and the parties fewer and farther between. Time to take advantage of fewer cock-blockers and hardly any police.
You Must be This Smart to Ride by Jason Smith
Summer means road trips to sweaty and exciting theme parks. Here's how to maintain a sense of dignity and hygiene in a redneck joy farm.
The “Get Intellectual Quick” Scheme by Tom McCormack
Pretend to know about books and stuff, and teachers will give you better grades, and people of the opposite sex might actually sleep with you.
Europe: The Not So Lonely Planet by Stephen Maynard
When backpacking across campus in search of sex, drugs and booze gets old, head overseas to buy more potent versions of all three.
How to Get Rid of Your Roommate by Pat Francart
Even someone as harmless as “The Polite Guy” is still a living body taking up half your space. Time to invoke the dorm room death scowl.
Six Steps to Breakup Salvation by Michael Traeger
Getting over an ex is an uphill battle. To get over the hump, you'll need rebounds, chocolate, alcohol and music. Then it's all downhill to single.
Stupid Questions Only Girls Ask by Dan Opp
Every girl comes armed with a standard set of annoying questions designed to break men down. Don't get caught with your pants down.
Boner vs. Boner by Erik Petersen
It can happen anywhere, anytime, and for just about any reason. From morning wood to Pedro's savior, these are the boners of our lives.
Top 10 College Party Themes by Brian Fadal
The goal: score hookup partners. The swindle: drink heavily and combine with costumes, blacklights, Viagra, and various other skimpy props.
The Golden Hour of Stragglin' by Pete Flies
Last call came and your last resort hookup went, now what? Join the drunken herd in the streets and see if you can catch the skinniest buffalo.
The Hierarchy of Communication by Matt Hulten
Email, IM, Facebook, text messaging… it's amazing we still speak the same language in person. Good thing money talks and pizza delivers.
Guide to Sleeping with Women by Alex Willen
Unfortunately, a typical consequence of sex is that you actually have to sleep with the woman afterwards. Bores and snores are out.
Women: De-Classyfied by J.B. Hour
All those dirty little secrets, tucked away in the bowels of one man, revealed here for everyone to read. Don't look so nervous, girls.
The Gift St. Valentine Never Gave by Sarah Romeo
Hope you saved your receipt, 'cause chances are the gift you got that special someone isn't sending the right message. (Hint: I love you.)
Hey, It's Your High School Friends! by Alex Willen
Sometime during freshman year you will realize that, even though they threw some “bomb-ass” high school parties, college changed everything.
Gastronomic Dating Tips by Pete Flies
Lean a little bit closer, see, roses really smell like poo-poo-poo. The only bouquet you want her smelling all night is from the wine and liqueur.
The 10 Types of College Relationships by Jake Klocksien
Everyone's in it for a reason, whether it's love, money or Facebook status. And if you're not sure, you're the annoying Indecisive Couple.
Top 10 Rejected Party Themes by Alex Willen
Go ahead, bust out the crystal goblets, there's no risk anyone will show up to these parties to break it. Unless of course you're a party Nazi.
2006
The Playaz Androgynist by Pete Flies
In this day and age, hooking up with a girl is like running airport security. Nobody is allowed on board until you're sure they're not packing heat.
Dick Pic Etiquette by Michelle Herron
So a lady friend has winked at you via webcam and now you've decided to let the beast out of its cage. Better hope it's not too tame.
How to Prevent the Pussy-Whip by Jonathan Marine
For years, men held the upper hand over women. Now, there are men who can't even leave the house without holding their woman's hand.
How to Not Get Laid by J.B. Hour
Sure, sex is nice, but it doesn't quite compare to the liberation that is being a douchebag. Who knows, maybe you pull off both.
Guide to the Airport Hookup by Alex Willen
Parting isn't such sweet sorrow when your relationship is going in different directions anyway. They don't call it a “layover” for nothing.
You Don't Want to Date Me by Dean Flagg
Women beware, I have no time for a relationship or feelings other than the throes of orgasm. Sorry, but you're not cutting the mustard.
So You Want to Be Awesome? by Brian Fadal
Being awesome is easier than you think. Follow these simple rules and you'll have that hat twisted around backwards in no time.
Surviving General Education Courses by Dan Zembrosky
Your brain, your penis, and your liver are all on the brink of failure. Is it some disease or just college? Should have paid attention in bio.
Guy's Guide to “Making Your Move” by Jonathan Marine
Sure, you can play grab-ass on the dance floor or makeout in a dark corner all night, but eventually you'll need this hookup-at-home tutoring.
How to Survive College Without a Helmet by J.B. Hour
The average college student, all too secure in his habitat, will often fall prey to alcohol, balconies, and roving buses without proper guidance.
The No Job Summer by Jake Christie
Making money? Totally overrated. If you're looking for cheap summer alternatives, try boredom, eating napkins, and drinking your own piss!
Meet the Hot New Neighbors in Five Steps by Chris Phelan
Hooking up with hot women is not that hard. First, live next to them, then wait around for a stroke of luck…or the roofies to kick in.
How to Be the Creepy Guy on Campus by Marty Archibald
Congratulations, you're just five steps away from making everyone on campus feel strangely confused and uncomfortable in your presence!
Do NOT Air This Sitcom by Charlie Hatton
Twelve rules for avoiding primetime pilot disaster, in spite of FOX's enthusiasm for your 1970's identical twin mixup drama starring Pepsi.
Cupid's Revenge by Michael Curtiss and Jay Maloney
Somewhere Cupid is sipping chai lattes laughing at the ridiculous conundrums lovers face on Valentine's Day. Especially The Notebook.
How to Spot a Shitty College by Mark Goff