>>> Ask Nicole
By staff writer Nicole McKaig
April 18, 2004<

 

Dear Nicole,

This is also Nicole. I have a problem with guys IM'ing me in the wee hours of the morning, wanting some nookie. How can I make these jack-offs stop viewing me as a late-night drunken booty call on Instant Messenger?

~Nicole
 

Dear Nicole,

It's true: between 11pm and 4am, AIM is crawling with wasted guys prowling for nearby dorm tarts. If you want to get off their list of easy marks, do something to scare one of them off, and word will spread. All you need are two strategically-placed flesh-colored Band-Aids (the round kind are best), a drunken invitation from one of the hustler wannabes down the hall, and this simple script: “What? Why, what's wrong? ….ohhh, how embarrassing. I put them on my dresser when I showered this morning, and I guess I forgot to snap them back on. If nipples are that important to you, we can run by my place and pick them up.”

Sincerely,
Nicole

 

 
Dear Nicole,

I'd like to know why the guy I am “cyber-dating” only talks to me online. When he's typing to me and I call him he refuses to pick up the phone, which sometimes makes me wonder who is really on the other end. I'm annoyed and have stopped talking to him in a suggestive sexual manner because of his phone phobia. What kind of guy will chat about sex but won't answer the phone??

-Cindy
 

Dear Cindy,

This kind:

Sincerely,
Nicole

 

 
Dear Nicole,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 6 months, but he will only tell me he loves me when we are talking on AIM. How can I get him to say the L-Word face to face and not always to the screen?

~April
 

Dear April,

Typing those three little words is much easier than saying them out loud, especially for a guy. Now, I do know several ways to get a man to profess his love for you, but all of them involve a cattle prod and result in a mandatory minimum of 25-to-life. Let me know if you're interested.

Sincerely,
Nicole
 

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