>>> Ask Nicole
By staff writer Nicole McKaig
February 25, 2004

Dear Nicole,

What does it mean if a guy leaves you at a party to get another beer? Is he really thirsty or trying to get rid of you?

Unsure
 

Dear Unsure,

Depends on if he comes back or not.

Sincerely,
Nicole

 

 
Dear Nicole,

I'm in a band with 4 of my friends. One is a Goth, one is a Mormon, one is very Jewish, I’m the fat kid and the other one is the only person we could find who can play the keyboard. How can I give my band some spunk? We had a monkey but he ran away. HELP!

Jeremy
 

Dear Jeremy,

I won’t lie to you: the situation looks bleak. With all the Semitic, somatic, and semantic chaos in your band, your chances of success are slim to nil. You’ve GOT to find that monkey.

Sincerely,
Nicole

 

 
Dear Nicole,

I'm Jewish.. wanna go out?

Jacob
 

Dear Jacob,

Sure! First you can take me to dinner at Porky's Rib House, then we can go to the movies. I hear there's a great film coming out this weekend….The Passion of…something.

Sincerely,
Nicole

 

 
Yet another…
Fun Fish Fact!

Dear Nicole,

Where DO your readers get their ideas about piranhas? They always clawed me. When they weren't tenderly caressing me.

Kimberley

Join upcoming comedy classes in Satire & Sketch Writing, Improv, and Stand-Up.