There was once a really horrible movie about a super-old retired comic trying to make a comeback. It was a horrible movie and I'm glad I didn't pay to watch it. But there was a great line in that flick: "It's a comic's job, when he sees bullshit, to call bullshit."
I consider myself a comic.
And this world is mainly bullshit.
Recently, Federal Reserve Governor Kevin Warsh resigned. Why? Bullshit, that's why.
In honor of the fine folks at the late great Fire Joe Morgan, I offer up the following call to bullshit. Annalyn Censky works for CNN Money, which is to say that she lies for a living. Her words are bolded. Mine are not. That way you can tell us apart.
Fed inflation hawk Warsh resigns
By Annalyn Censky, staff reporter
February 10, 2011: 1:01 PM ET
NEW YORK (CNNMoney) — Federal Reserve Governor Kevin Warsh is stepping down from the central bank's board.
Dude, in this economy? Good luck finding a job, man.
Considered one of the most hawkish members of the Fed because he's vigilant about inflation risks, Warsh has served on the board since 2006.
He's vigilant about inflation risks? That's crazy. Why do I imagine dude dressing up in spandex and stabbing paper currency with a golden knife or something? Vigilant? Seems a weird choice of words when one considers that the fed creates inflation. And that spandex thing only makes it seem weirder…
"I am honored to have served at a time of great consequence," Warsh wrote in his resignation letter delivered to President Obama on Thursday.
"It was a pleasure being on this board during the biggest financial shit storm of the last seventy years but now that Big Ben Bernanke has decided he is not worried about inflation, I have decided that if I have to work one more day with this man, I will poop in his shoes. Warsh out, y'all." That's how he talks behind closed doors. True story.
In an official statement, Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke spoke highly of Warsh's knowledge of financial markets — a skill that he said "proved invaluable during the recent crisis." Warsh previously worked in the mergers and acquisitions department at Morgan Stanley in New York.
Basically, the dude was invaluable for the work he did in the private sector because he… knew the names of bankers?
"I deeply appreciate his insights and wise counsel and, most especially, his fortitude and friendship during the difficult days, nights, and weekends of the crisis." Bernanke said.
"None of which I listened to. Seriously, we just used the dude to get to know some bankers. He kept talking crazy stuff about preserving the value of the American currency. Guy's lucky we didn't Baker Act him."
It is unclear why Warsh resigned. He will officially leave his post at the end of March; his term was scheduled to expire in 2018.
Why is it unclear? Did anyone ask him? Seriously, what do reporters do anymore?
Warsh's resignation creates a second vacancy on the seven-member Fed board in Washington.
Used to be, people actually wanted to steal money from the world. But now they really just want to play with their iPhones. I blame Steve Jobs. I really do.
Nobel-winning economist Peter Diamond is still awaiting confirmation from the Senate, after President Obama twice nominated him for one of the open spots.
From Wikipedia:
Diamond and Mirrlees (1971) – "Diamond-Mirrlees Efficiency Theorem "Diamond and Mirrlees (1971) provide sufficient conditions for a second best Pareto efficient allocation with linear commodity taxation to require efficient production when a finite set of consumers have continuous single-valued demand functions.
Diamond and Mirrlees examine a situation in which the government requires a revenue raised by taxes but lump-sum taxation, and therefore a first-best Pareto optimal allocation of resources, is unavailable. However, if there are no other distortions in the economy (e.g. externalities), if firms are characterized by constant returns to scale and if the government can set the vector of indirect consumption taxes independently of production prices then it is optimal to have productive efficiency in the economy. This implies that there should be no taxes on intermediate goods and imports.
The key idea is that when the government can control all consumer prices, the producer prices are disconnected from the consumer prices and the consumption decision part of the optimal taxation problem becomes independent of the production decision.
I cannot wait until Pete gets in and helps the government control all consumer prices. That should make everyone's job easier.
At only 40 years old, Warsh was the youngest member of the Fed board.
And he was sick and tired of being called, "Sport" all the time. Not to mention his disdain for all the black and white porn those old fogeys made him watch.
He has recently spoken openly about his doubts of the Fed's controversial policy that pumps $600 billion into the economy through purchases of long-term Treasuries.
Hey, maybe that's one of the reasons he resigned. Maybe he knows how much more "quantitative easing" is coming. Maybe someone should, I don't know, find a journalist and hire him to ask this dude some mother humping questions.
That policy is meant to stimulate the economy by keeping interest rates low, but critics argue it could spur inflation to rise too quickly.
I love how this is still theory. Corn and soybean prices have more than doubled in the last two years and "journalists" are still suggesting that maybe, possibly printing trillions of dollars and paying someone to buy them could, you know, result in some price increases. Jeebus.
In the last speech Warsh gave in November, he said "I am less optimistic than some that additional asset purchases will have significant, durable benefits for the real economy."
And really, we don't know why he quit. No effing clue, huh? You guys are the best journalists ever.
That said, Warsh was also considered a close friend and adviser to Bernanke, and never once dissented against a Fed decision.
Yeah, well when Tony Soprano tells you to get him a sandwich, you close your pie-hole and get the man a sandwich.
Look Annalyn, I don't know why the man quit but even I can posit guesses based on his previous statements. It's your job as a journalist to, you know, ask people questions and find out answers and deliver them to the people. The entirety of your story could be summed up in two sentences: "Dude quit an important job. We don't know why." I literally could have done that (I actually did do that when he made the announcement but whatever). It is becoming more and more obvious that journalists don't really provide us with information anymore so much as they keep it from us.
And that, no matter how you slice it up, just ain't funny.