A critical, humorous take on the sports world from a self-diagnosed sports addict looking for the ultimate fix.

Column Archives | 2006, 2005

April 2006

Sport Court: Is It a Sport or Not? | 4-19-06
When the gavel falls, you better know if a drunk cheerleader giving you head makes you an athlete. All rise for the Honorable Judge Jock.

Intimate Interviews: Athletes Come Clean | 4-12-06
Other sports burnouts besides Bonds need to vent their misdeeds too. Somebody open a window, this room smells like old farts and marijuana.

March 2006

Don't Call It a Comeback | 3-22-06
These basketball greats may have been hot in their prime, but they definitely went cold on a dime. This is why you quit while you're ahead.

Revel in the Madness | 3-15-06
March Madness: every sport nut's wet dream. But don't be surprised when you lose your friendly bracket pool to the neighbor's dog.

February 2006

America's Vicarious Pastime | 2-22-06
Dreaming of baseball? If you're man enough to put the Family Pujols on the line, you just might make it into Coach Opp's fantasy league.

What the Olympics Mean to Me | 2-15-06
They don't call it “the big O” for nothing. That's right, it's all the excitement of the Olympics balled up into one tantalizing acrostic.

Super Bowl Ads: The Cream and the Crap | 2-8-06
When they're good they're good, when they're bad they're ugly…and still $2.5 million. Here's the best and the worst of this year's mega-ads.

A Super Return | 2-1-06
Betting on the Super Bowl? Don't wager a dime until you read Dan's picks, and a quarter's picks (we're not sure which is more accurate).

December 2005

Case-A-Thon LIVE! | 12-14-05
Brace your livers, it's time to see how six contestants handle the 24-beer challenge, including play-by-play and vomit-by-vomit analysis.

The Intramural Kingdom | 12-7-05
Play enough intramural sports and you’re bound to encounter every one of these overly competitive, timid, and sexual species of athlete.

November 2005

Beer Pong Enlightenment | 11-16-05
The road to drunken bliss is paved with light beer and red cups. And once you learn these rules, you won't need a designated driver.

Runnin' on Empty | 11-2-05
Exercise alone could never stand up to apathy and fatigue. No, it takes the motivation to topple the world's fastest distance runner for that.

October 2005

It's Navratil-OVA! | 10-26-05
Stroking balls with one of tennis' greats may have been fun while it lasted, but when you can't get your racket up anymore, she's out.

Keeping the Dream Alive | 10-19-05
99.9% of men must eventually accept the fact that they aren't cut out to go pro. Some just hold out hope longer than others.

Not Another Baseball Article | 10-12-05
Or is it? You have to admit, with players named Coco Crisp, and league suspensions for things like milk-chugging contests, the MLB is hot.

Let the Games Begin | 10-5-05
Take off your stats-hat and relax your A-game. It's the world's first sports column you won't need to argue with your friends over later.